


The Ear Wiggle Theory

by amanda26



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Depressed Castiel, Fluff, Gay Sex, Homophobic John Winchester, M/M, Self-Harm, Underage Drinking, cas/dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4087876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanda26/pseuds/amanda26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel hasn't said more than "Hello" to Dean Winchester in years. Now in high school he has a chance to turn everything around, but have his feelings morphed into more than friendship? When Cas realizes he can't old his emotions back any longer, he has to decide between getting rejected or finding out something wonderful about his best friend. If his self-harm and crippling depression doesn't hold him back, Castiel has the chance to be genuinely happy for the first time in years. Formerly: "Green Eyed Regret"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The last four years had been tough for both of them. In that time, they had started and ended middle school, lost touch and regained it as ninth grade began. It’s sad seeing someone with so much energy in them fade away from your life, but it happens. Dean Winchester was a perfect example of that. That’s who he loved. Castiel Novak, that is. The last two years of the zig-zagging friendship of theirs, had given him time to regret all of the wasted moments between them. You know, reader. The way the corners of Dean’s mouth clicked up when he was thinking something sarcastic. Cas had wondered how he’d never noticed it. Or how when he spoke passionately, with true artistry and motivation. His eyes, his strong, green, spiraling universes in his head, would go soft. His voice would get calm and sated. As if nothing else mattered and he was happy to have but one care in the world. That was something that Cas had missed out on. All the things that he’d ignored seemed to come around full circle and swim in his mind without relief.

It didn’t matter now, though. Now that high school had rolled around. That period in his life was over, however brief it was. However, as every love-sick victim knows, as long as your mind continues to remain unoccupied, the perfect image of its last inhabitant remains untouched. Still, the short glances and friendly waves down the crowded hallways were more than enough to satisfy the blue eyed boy. Times had changed. Cas knew this. Dean was taller. More refined. The once soft, straight hair that framed his round cheeks in a bowl-like way, had been transformed into short sandy brown spikes that stuck up in the most perfect sleepy fashion. If you asked Castiel, this is what made everything bearable. Being able to hold on to whatever scraps of their friendship were left. You know better, though. The greetings and smiles and good feelings in Cas’s chest were fake and hurt more than outright rejection. Some days were good. Some days the smile just couldn’t contain itself and it crept its way below his nose. Some days, not so much. When the inevitable doubt and anxiety settled in, it was all he could do to not pick up that damn cell phone that pouted at him from across the room.

It was the third week of school. Everything still felt temporary and empty. That is until Thursday. That day was gloomy. Although the sleepy August mood still hung fresh in everyone’s eyes, the dark gray clouds collapsed on their small town and filled the air with a lingering depression and sense of helplessness. These days hit Castiel the worst. The way the seagulls overhead matched the blankets of fog reminded him of his father. He had left when Cas was a child, but how could he not still feel it? 

He looked much like his father. Eyes, jawline, dark raven hair. Which made him angry. He didn’t want anything to do with him. James Novak was a bad man, or so he’d heard. Drunk, abandoned and selfish. These words surrounded the abstract idea of his father more than any others. He put the thought out of his mind, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. It was either English or Science. Castiel didn’t have the energy to pay attention to which one it was. He would aimlessly doodle little people on his paper that vaguely resembled Dean. He was ashamed that after all this time he could only admit to his worksheets where his heart truly was. But people were not always forgiving of people like Cas. That didn’t keep him from feeling what he did. It never would. However, fear does things to people. Not bad things necessarily, but it changes you. It molds you and touches you in unforgivable places. Still, Cas kept to his drawings.

The feeling of depression and nothingness sets in like going to sleep. One would not even notice if it didn’t drown their thoughts making them unable to focus on anything else. Castiel was so inexplicably lost in a downtrodden and depleted state of mind, that he didn’t notice when Dean Winchester walked through the door. Dean had a habit of being late. Cas had gotten so used to the lonely feeling after years of waiting in vain for relief. Yet, he still remembered how it felt when the universe used to trick him. Sometimes, in the past, after accepting the fact that he would spend class alone, Dean would rush through the doorway. Face flushed, half smiling, looking straight at Castiel. The most satisfying thing that could happen was looking into those green orbs and feeling such relief. He was there. After waiting so long, sometimes, Dean came through. 

Now, in high school, classes were even lonelier for him. They never held the promise of his love anymore. The separation was even more apparent now that they didn’t see eachother everyday. Cas sat alone. He wasn’t sure of people and he certainly wasn’t going to make new friends. It was never something he was good at. Ever. He kept his head closely hovering over his desk, when he felt a flush of cold air swirl beside him. It didn’t matter, though. No one talked to him if he didn’t pick up his head, so Cas stayed in his hunched position. 

“Oh, hey Cas.” The figure spoke. The voice was rough but kind, and he could sense the awkwardness behind it. Dean and Castiel had not spoken more than a few sentences to each other in over two years, since the last time they had had classes together in seventh grade.

Cas looked up timidly and immediately covered his papers with his long-sleeve covered arms. “D-dean..? What are you doing here? You’re not in this class, unless I missed something.” Cas smiled at the freckled face in front of him. The mechanics of their conversations had sat dusty and unused for years but the second he picked up his head, it was as if they had never skipped a beat. Castiel, although he didn’t mean to be, was nervous around Dean when they passed in the halls or waved from across a parking lot. Yet, he had to admit that Dean was easy to talk to. Comfortable. Natural.

“Yeah, no, I transferred. Something got screwed up with the schedules, or something. At least it wasn’t completely bad, I get to see you now.” His white teeth glimmered under his soft pink lips.

Castiel would have been flattered that Dean chose to sit by him, but when he looked around the room he noticed that every other seat was taken. He wished he hadn’t, though. This made him feel like the Winchester boy was forced to be with him. A thought he couldn’t bear to maintain.

Dean scanned over his face and started taking out his things as he sensed that Cas wasn’t going to continue the small talk. In Castiel’s mind, they had an unusual relationship. He felt like they didn’t know each other well enough anymore to be friends, but they were definitely more than acquaintances. This made things even more uncomfortable. They had been told to copy the notes from the board. The room was quiet, with only the hum of the heater and the scraping of pencils on paper in the background. Odd moods always overtook Castiel during the calm stillness of weekday mornings. He couldn’t talk to Dean. He didn’t want to stay silent either. Excuses for ways to open his mouth combed through his mind. 

Can I borrow a pencil? He couldn’t ask that. He already had a perfectly good pencil in his hand.. How was your summer? Possibly, but summer was already in the shadows of everyone’s mind as three weeks had passed since then, and the buzz of a new school year began to sink in.

Dean must’ve sensed the turmoil in the blue eyed boy’s face because in a few second he had leaned close to Cas’s neck and whispered with a smile in his voice, “You seem a bit stressed, Cas.”

He immediately snapped out of his trance and turned his head to face him. “No..I was just thinking about the homework in my next class,” He could feel his face getting hot but Dean didn’t seem to notice anything, so he went on. “I uh..forgot to do it.” Castiel rolled his eyes at his own words. 

“What class?” He asked.

“Geometry. I’m really nervous about it because Mr. Lloyd’s kind of an asshole and I don’t want to give him another reason to make my life hell.” He started to turn back to his paper before he was stopped by Dean’s words.

“You could borrow mine.” Dean spoke as if it was nothing, which if it you think about it, was about right. And yet Cas felt incredibly cared for. He was always making up little scenarios in his head that he knew would never come to be, but they still made him happy. Maybe, just maybe, there was a deeper meaning behind the kind gesture. Maybe it was a metaphor for Dean’s affection. The silly thought was put out of his mind as soon as he noticed the questioning expression on Dean’s face.

“Really? Yeah, yeah that’d be great. Thank you.” Castiel watched as he opened his backpack and pulled out a sheet of graphite covered paper and handed it to him.

“There you go. I already checked the answers with my tutor, so I know they’re right.” He smiled gently and turned back to his work.

Castiel looked over Dean’s work. His handwriting, although a bit messy, was still legible. The raven haired boy always dotted his “I’s” with small round marks lying close the line. This caused him to be even more enamoured with Dean’s crooked lines and small dashes. Everything about it was perfectly imperfect.

“Something wrong? 

Cas turned his head to meet Dean’s inquisitive eyes.

“Hmm? No, no I was just looking it over. Thanks, Dean.”

Dean nodded and went back to his work.

The next hour passed by with short, longing glances as Dean’s perfect profile, and secret smiles that Cas hoped he hadn’t seen. It passed with overwhelming relief. Dean Winchester was in his life again. And this time, Castiel wasn’t letting him go without a fight.


	2. Studying

To his dismay, Castiel did not have any other classes with Dean. He spent the rest of the day thinking about him, and trying desperately to forget about him. It was no use. Cas had never had someone like Dean in his life before. He wasn’t used to someone like him talking to him, and listening to him and caring about him. If Dean did in fact did cared for him.

Castiel always looked forward to his classes with Dean. He liked them enough to learn that it was English they had together. Cas, even if he didn’t have enough energy to show it anymore, really liked English. He was good with words. It was a great solution to his speaking problem, meaning it meant he didn’t have to.

They sat in class together, Cas working on his small drawings, and Dean doing anything to keep from paying attention. Castiel looked over only to be met with a large, freckle surrounded smile.

“Castiel Novak, did you hear that?” Mrs. Variz was nice enough, but she was not one to take crap from her kids. Cas liked her a lot but he was always wondering where he stood with her. Something that did not help his anxiety. Mrs. Variz was a tall woman. A young woman. With somewhat curly hair that she let fall to her shoulders. She was funny and smart. Incredibly smart. And unlike most of the teachers at George Washington high school, she liked her job. However, liking what you teach means you don’t let anyone get in the way of letting you. Even if that someone was a small seemingly unimportant little freshmen in a trenchcoat. Mrs. Variz wouldn’t be brought down by anyone.

She said it again. “Castiel Novak. Did you hear that?” 

Suddenly he was taken out of the spell that the green emeralds of Dean Winchester had thrust upon him. He looked up and said shakily. “Wh-what? I’m sorry I was just--”

“Yeah, yeah, just pay attention. Okay like I said,” She gave an annoyed glance to Castiel. “We have a test on chapter three next thursday. It’ll be an in-class essay.” The class very audibly groaned. “Yes, my heart breaks for you. You will get to choose the topic as either the importance of Emily Dickinson in schools or how Shakespeare's ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is still relevant in modern society.”

Castiel loved writing, and Emily Dickinson, and poetry. He loved the way you could take a group of letters, and string them together to make them beautiful. And he loved the way that you could take your time. There was no rush. He didn’t have to have a witty comment on the tip of his tongue. He could think about the words and put them together as he pleased while taking as much time as he needed. And for someone like Castiel, who was always stuttering over his thoughts and making a fool of himself, the whole idea was very appealing. However, this made it extremely hard to choose between two of the greatest writers in history.

Dean, on the other hand, was not so pleased with the assignment. Cas looked over to him.

“You okay?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah, no I hate writing.” Dean said matter-of-factly. “I mean Shakespeare’s cool I guess, and so is the other chick,” He slumped his head down on his desk, sighing dramatically. “ It’s just not my thing.”

Cas was surprised. Although he just raised his eyebrows slightly, not wanting to seem like he was mad. Dean was incredibly creative and certainly had an imagination. However, he was right. Dean did not seem like the person to pour his thoughts out into ink for the sake of literary excellence.

“Are you kidding me? Shakespeare’s okay?” Cas couldn’t hide the smile in his voice. The topic brought him back to seventh grade where they performed in a rendition of ‘A Midsummer's’ Night Dream’.”

“Well I mean, of course he’s a genius, but don’t you ever get tired of the constant buzz of him in English classrooms?” He suddenly sat up and clasped his hands together, putting on his best ‘girl’ face. “ ‘Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?’ “ Castiel laughed and looked down at his desk.

“Yeah--” Dean cut him off.

“ And come on. Don’t you think that Juliet was just a little bit of a slut?” Castiel ducked his head and said in a harsh whisper.

“Dean!”

“No! Seriously!” He was grinning now. “I mean she meets this guy, that she doesn’t even know, at her family’s party, and then like three minutes later, she’s fuckin’ sucking on his face. And this was in a time where a young man and woman couldn’t even be in the same room together without a chaperone. Forget about no premarital sex, premarital touching was already out of the question.” Dean laughed softly and shook his head. Cas, on the other hand, was staring wide-eyed at him. Dean Winchester had completely trashed one of his favorite romantic plays, not to mention his all-time favorite playwright. Cas crossed his arms and tried to hide the smile on his face.

“I prefer to focus on the message of the play, rather than the mechanics of it.” He retorted.

“And what might that be, Castiel?” Dean said his name with a certain teasing inflection that the boy couldn’t get over.

“The message is that love is love. And it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from.” Dean smirked but let him finish. “That no matter who protests or tries to keep two people from one another, even Death himself cannot control the hearts and determination of those who want to be together.” Feeling quite pleased with himself, Castiel sat back in his chair and stared forward, biting his cheek to keep the sudden flush on his neck from creeping to the surface.

“What a girl.” The sandy haired boy brought him out of his satisfied trance and turned to face the board. 

Castiel groaned quietly and leaned over to Dean so as to not get the attention of the teacher as he asked his question. “Well seeing as you clearly have no idea where to start with this essay..” Dean was about to protest when Cas cut him off. “ Come on, Dean. You obviously hate both of them. Anyway, maybe I could help you. By studying at my place or yours or wherever just so you’re not completely helpless.” He smiled and looked to the boy next to him for an answer.

“While I don’t appreciate the condescending tone,” His soft eyes and gentle pink lips made Cas go weak, in his mind at least. He had to look perfectly unfazed to keep from creeping him out. “That would be really helpful. But you can’t make me like any Dickinson poems about dead parents or..PMSing, okay?”

“Although I’m not totally sure you know who Emily Dickinson is, I agree.” They laughed and turned their attention back to the teacher.

***

That day, after school, Castiel met Dean in the library. The room was big and although filled with shelves and shelves of books, still seemed empty and harsh. As most schools have, the library had a blackish blue carpet that was rough and not anything you’d ever have in a regular house. It was never warm inside, but never cold either. It didn’t feel all that much like anything. It was almost as if when you walked through the door, you’d enter this incredibly odd state of being too loud and too quiet at the same time. The only real acceptable volume was complete silence. Immediately inside the two large wooden doors, one would find to the left, a shelved off section specifically for computers. To the right, was a slightly smaller room with long wooden tables and chairs. On each table, lay a green lamp with a pull string. Directly in the center of the library was a large circle with books lining each curve. In the middle of it was a round table with new books laid out every week. It was truly magnificent even with the lingering feeling of being very much unwelcome.

Each time Castiel walked in, he thought it was something out of beauty of the beast. He had been in there many times, however, every step through the two astonishing doors made him shiver. 

Dean and Castiel were seated in the right wing of the library, across from each other on either side of a table. Books were sprawled all around them in disarray and Dean sat slumped in his chair, head on the desk in defeat.

“Dean c’mon, it’s really not hard. We have spent hours researching both Emily Dickinson and Shakespeare. It’s time to make a decision.”

“They both just suck so much.” His words were muffled but Cas could make them out and he gave Dean a playful shove.

“No. They really don’t. Shakespeare was actually a pretty funny guy and if you paid attention you would really like him.”

“Well at least with Emily Dickens you can maybe try to understand what the hell she’s saying.” He grunted and slammed his head on the cold wood in frustration. Cas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It’s Dickinson and if that’s the case then maybe you should pick her.”

“Fine, fine. I pick Emily whats-her-name. If it means we can leave earlier.” He began to pack up his things before the youngest Novak boy stopped him. 

“Do you even have the slightest clue why she’s important?” Dean smirked at him. Castiel obviously felt very passionate about this topic. Although it amused Dean that someone could get this worked up over an English assignment, he decided to mess with him a little more.

“I just figured I’d do a wiki search and pull it outta my ass the day of.” He gave Cas a wink and started to walk off.

“Dean Winchester!” Cas grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around. “I am not going to let you fail this essay because you’re too lazy to focus!” Realizing he was still gripping the Winchesters’ arm, he backed up awkwardly and let out his breath. Dean chuckled warmly and sat back down.

“Alright, why don’t you enlighten me?

“Dean, do you know what the appeal of her was? Of course her topics were universal. Love, beauty, nature. Yet she changed the way people thought about poetry. It didn’t have to rhyme. It didn’t have to conform. She showed the world, in the way she wrote, exactly what she told the world in her words. Beauty is found in unexpected places and that doesn’t mean it has any less of an impact on you. Not only did she break boundaries in her writing, but subconsciously in her living. She stayed in her house her entire life. Holed up in her room just writing poems. She didn’t need to be good with talking to be good with words.” Dean wasn’t even sure who Cas was talking to anymore, because it certainly wasn’t to him. “ Emily Dickinson was basically just a giant middle finger to the entire poetry community.” Cas laughed and shook his head. “How can you not love that?”

“Well, you certainly do have an eye for this stuff, Cas. Maybe I’ll use that for my essay. Unfortunately, now I really do have to go...Do you need a ride home?” 

Cas slowly stood up, smiling to himself. “Well, if it’s not an imposition.”

“Sure thing.” Dean flashed him a smile that made Cas’ insides flutter. The next thing he knew, he was in the passenger’s seat of Dean’s 1967 Chevy Impala. “How do you like baby?”

“Excuse me?” Cas turned his head to meet a very smug grin on Dean's’ face.

“Baby.” He patted the dashboard of his car. “That’s what I call her. Isn’t she a beauty.”

Castiel tapped the dash as well, trying to seem interested. “Oh, yes. ‘She’ is quite magnificent.” He laughed awkwardly as they pulled up to Cas’ house.

“Here ya go, buddy.” Dean stopped the car and looked over at the boy next to him.

“Oh, a-alright, Dean. Thank you.” Castiel lingered a little more than might have been necessary but eventually left Dean alone to walk up his front porch, smiling the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Please tell me what you think. This is my first fic and I want it to be good. I LOVE comments! Please comment!


	3. Test day

Castiel woke up to the harsh unforgiving sound of his alarm clock. Waking up was not one of his favorite things and certainly when he knew telling his uncle, whom he had been living with since his father left, that his anxiety was too serious to go to school was not going to fly. It never did. However, after years of dealing with with the problem, he had gotten used to it. 

This was it. The day of the test. Two days had gone by since he last talked to Dean. He knew he was ready for the test, but he was worried for his friend. Of course Dean was incredibly intelligent when he wanted to be, but he never liked literature. Or writing. Or obsessing over authors. Or anything that involved what everyone else was doing. Cas just had to comfort himself with the thought that maybe Dean had absorbed some of what he had said.

Castiel got dressed and hurried down the stairs. He had on black skinny jeans and a long sleeved dark blue and black striped shirt. Although, he was a bit too skinny and his pants hung a little loose on his legs and hips. Cas’ dark coal hair was pulled in every way imaginable and his converse were untied. He never had time to finish before his uncle called him to breakfast, a short period prior to starting the walk to school that was somewhat awkward since Castiel had told him he was gay. His uncle was never homophobic. Not in the least. However, being born in the midwest in the 1950’s did not exactly make him prepared for the news.

His uncle was in the kitchen, pulling out bowls for cereal. His uncle was a big man, a tall man. His name was Bobby. Bobby Singer. Bobby wore a baseball cap, which covered up his thinning brown hair. You could always find him in some sort of flannel, usually covered up by a thin leather jacket or down vest. He was never the type of man to get mushy over the sentimental childhood moments he sometimes shared with his adopted son, Castiel. Yet, he was kind and endearing, and Cas loved him with all of his heart. 

Castiel walked into the kitchen and helped his uncle get out spoons and milk, bringing them to the table. The silence they shared was always slightly uncomfortable but at the same time, it was normal. Suddenly, Bobby spoke, clearing the air of the dusty quietness that surrounded them.

“So you have a test today, hmm?” He spoke in a low growl.

Cas was surprised, his uncle never usually asked him about school. He stared at the man with a slight confusion before answering.

“Oh, yeah. S’nothing I can’t handle.” Castiel smiled trying to relieve the slight amount of tension and poured the cereal into his bowl, opening the jug of milk.

“Doesn’t mean you should half-ass it. Smart kid like you ain’t got no reason to go to some retard community college.” Bobby smeared some butter on a slice of toast, not picking up his head to talk. 

The words were harsh but endearing and made the small boy smile to himself. A genuine smile that he kept hidden by turning his head. He loved the way that his uncle loved him and that he did everything he could to make him feel safe. Castiel knew that Bobby would have done anything for him. Or done anything to anyone who gave him crap for being gay.

“Yeah, I know, but writing’s kinda my thing if you haven’t noticed.” He gave the older man an innocent smile. “I know William Shakespeare backward and forward. I could recite Hamlet in my sleep.”

“Sure, just don’t get cocky and let it all go to Hell.”He took a bite of the bread and walked into the living room.

Castiel finished his cereal and silently waved goodbye to his uncle before walking out the door and towards the high school.

***

Cas was one of the first people in class, and waited anxiously for Dean. Being around anyone made him slightly nervous and Dean was a good distraction. To keep his mind occupied, he took out his favorite book. The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien. He had read it many times over and didn’t even keep track of where he was anymore. Where he opened was where he began. Today, however, he felt like reading the beginning. It was one of the things that made him feel good when he was down. Three times he read over the words in his mind. In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. He couldn’t focus on the words properly. He was nervous about the test but more than that he was nervous about seeing Dean. Every night he would think about how the next encounter with his friend would go. And every day he would always be proven wrong. Not that that was a bad thing. Dean always surprised him. Whether it was with the mood he was in or how much he cared about paying attention, it was always different. Castiel loved that.

As if to purposely pull him out of his thoughts, Dean strolled the door. His eyes quickly darted around the room before locking with Cas’. 

“Hey. Ya ready for the test today, Cassie?” He asked in a teasing voice as he made his way to his and Castiel’s desk. “I think I could do this in my sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’d stow that cocky attitude Dean.” Cas smirked. “For someone as literarily inept as you, it might be hard to do either of the writers justice.” 

“Oh, I see how it is. You write a few poems and watch Othello and suddenly you think you’re some amazing writer?” Dean cocked his head, smiling as Cas just happily nodded. “Okay, then. It’s a bet. Whoever gets a higher grade on the essay gets ultimate bragging rights for the rest of their lives.” Seeming pretty pleased with himself, he crossed his arms, leaning all of his weight on one leg. The epitome of sass.

“Prepare to be mocked, Dean Winchester. Fair warning, I will be bringing this up every single day of your sorry life.” He held out his hand and they happily shook on it.

“You’re dead Novak.”

***

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Castiel glanced at the clock. Thirty minutes had passed since the start of the period. He wasn’t worried, though. He was sure of himself, but he just needed to get focused. Everything caught his attention. Coughing. Sniffling. The soft crinkle of hoodies on adolescent bodies. Even the air seemed as though it was quietly humming. The few words on his paper didn’t even make sense to him anymore. They were just foreign scribbles on paper that made his eyes sting. Cas looked over to where Dean was. His head was held up by his palm and his elbow was setting on his paper, slowly ripping it. At least one of them was thrown into their work. The problem wasn’t that he wasn’t prepared or lacked dedication, the difficulty came with structuring his thoughts and picking one topic to write about first. Shakespeare wasn’t hard to grasp. Especially for Castiel, he had practically been raised on it. Bobby may have been a grumpy borderline alcoholic, but the man was cultured. Still, he had almost nothing down. 

Okay, He thought to himself. Just start writing. If you just start a sentence, something’s bound to come out of this stupid head of yours. Dean’s probably already half way done with his. If you don’t win this, he’ll never take you seriously. He’ll always just think of you as an immature kid that he has to look out for. Just do what you know how to do and maybe he’ll notice you in a better way.

With a quiet huff, Castiel sat up straighter and began writing.

It’s no secret that William Shakespeare’s plays were very funny. However the underlying meanings are still some that we can apply to everyday life. Much Ado About Nothing is one example of that.

And with that Cas was set. One after another, the sentences flew from his pencil. He absolutely loved when he knew exactly what he wanted to say, how he wanted to say it and especially when he knew it sounded good. He couldn’t hide the slight smile on his face as he moved from one paragraph to the other. It was finally coming together. Castiel completely lost himself in his work, furiously scraping his pencil across the lined paper as the green eyed Dean Winchester glanced over, smirking at his amusing friend. 

It wasn’t until he got up to turn in his essay, that Castiel noticed the boy grinning up at him.

“Can I help you Dean?” He cooed.

“Me? Not at all, I was just staring in wonder at how much effort you put into that test.”

“Are you saying you tried to bomb the essay Dean?” The question drew a smile at the teen looking up at him.

Dean sat back in his chair and put his hands resting behind his head.

“Well, you know, with my extensive knowledge on Miss Emily Dickinson, I didn’t really have to try. Yep, I would be scared if I were you right now.”

“Oh sure, you just keep talking a big game, and I will go hand my beautifully written grade A paper to Mrs. Variz, thank you very much.” 

With that, he walked proudly to the front of the room, handing in his paper and turning on his heels to face Dean. The Winchester boy rolled his eyes sarcastically. When Cas sat back down, he took out a piece of paper and began to draw. This grabbed Dean’s attention and he leaned over to get a better look.

“So..you some kind of artist now, Novak?” 

Without looking up from his paper, he answered.

“Why? Would you like a portrait?” Both of them knew that he was joking, which is why Castiel was caught a bit off-guard with his response.

“Actually, I think I do.” Dean watched as his table partner looked up at him.

“Well, uhm..I-I didn’t mean--I mean if you want I could--”

Dean cut him off. “Yeah, go for it.”

“Right now?”

“Does this lighting not work for you?” He flashed Castiel an innocent smile that the boy was sure meant nothing. Yet, still he thought, maybe it didn’t. 

Cas laughed before looking down at his paper, a slight tint of pink settling on his cheeks.

“No, yeah of course, of course just--turn that way.” He motioned towards the front of the room.

“Alright, we’re doing this.” Dean shifted in his seat and pursed his lips in an attempt to keep from laughing.

“Dean. Stay still, okay?” Cas couldn’t have been more pleased. he had an excuse to stare directly into the eyes of the boy he loved. 

“Yeah, got it. I will.”

That’s what he started with anyway, the eyes. Of course he would finish the rest of the face but good God, those eyes. Once he had the eyes and general shape and outline of the face, the bell rang and Dean let out a sigh of relief.

“Are you done yet? I kinda need to move jaw. It’s really cramping up.”

“Yep. Just one second and..there.” 

Cas sat back up and took a look at the blueprint of the perfection that was Dean Winchester, in his mind at least. He spoke again.

“Okay, I’ll finish it tonight and let you see the end product tomorrow.”

“Awesome. I can’t wait to see the masterpiece of Castiel Novak.” He smiled as he got up and packed his things.

“I think you might be overestimating my abilities a little, Dean.”

“Nah. It’s gonna be great.” He slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Alright, I will see you on Monday, can’t wait to see the drawing and..uh--have a good weekend?” Dean laughed at his own words and walked out the door, a slight spring in his step.

Castiel watched as he left and his heart sank. Why couldn’t he go after the boy he loved? Why couldn’t he confess his feelings? Oh yeah. Because he was gay, and he was certain that Dean was not. Because it didn’t matter that much anyway. Feelings like these had risen up before, and Cas had manage to push them down long enough to forget. Still, maybe there was something different about Dean. Castiel sighed. There was definitely something different about Dean.


	4. Would you rather?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I just decided that I'm going to make them in their senior year. So cas is 17 and Dean is 18 because I want stuff to happen between them and having them be freshmen doesnt seem right. Haha. Okay sorry about the change. Anyway, hope you like it! COMMENT! PLEASE! I LIVE ON COMMENTS!

The weekend had passed with Castiel dreamily adding to the portrait he had started the previous Friday, thinking of nothing but the boy who was the subject. It was now Sunday afternoon. Cas was in his room, huddled over a sea of papers that lay strewn across his bed, when he heard a knock on his door.

“Come in.” He answered almost automatically without looking up.

At that moment, a strongly built man walked in. He was on the short side, but still muscular and his hair fell lazily all over his head.

“Cassie! Guess who’s back for a few months on business!”

“Gabriel!” The small boy immediately jumped off the bed and ran at his older brother. “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t you hear me? I got put on a project that doesn’t require me there, so I thought I’d come check up on my little pest of a brother here.” He ruffled Cas’ hair. Gabe worked as a journalist for the New York Times and had left a few years ago when his brother was in middle school. He looked over to the picture peeking out from under some geometry work.

“Hey, what’s this?” He picked up the drawing and examined it before looking over questioningly to Cas.

“Uh--that’s..that’s nothing. I-It’s just a sketch.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “This guy in my class..h-he asked me to draw him..”

Gabe wiggled his eyes suggestively at his brother and mimicked his words.

“This guy in my class? Yeah, uh-huh, just use protection, okay?”

Castiel’s mouth dropped and his face turned an impossible shade of crimson.

“N-no I wasn’t going to--I mean, I didn’t want--I just mean that w-we don’t think of each other like...that.” He shook his head, trying to untangle his mind from this mental net Gabe had put him in, snatching the paper away from the older man’s hands.

“Oh I definitely believe that.” He winked and strolled out the door, leaving the younger Novak boy standing awkwardly in the middle of his room.

***  
It was Monday. The Monday that Castiel had been so anxiously awaiting was finally here. He worked his way nervously through the crowd of teenagers that were blanketing the entire school and made sure that he wore his favorite black jeans and navy blue button up which was left open over a black t-shirt to look his best in front of his crush. Castiel was holding his leather bound sketchbook close to his chest, the contents of which held the now finished drawing of Dean. Cas’ mind was split into two emotions: On one side he felt absolutely excited. He felt like he had captured Dean’s curves and edges perfectly and he couldn’t wait to see the boy’s reaction. On the other hand, what if Dean didn’t like it. Then the whole thing would just come off as creepy and weird. Dean would be forced to say he thought it was good and awkwardly throw it away when Cas wasn’t looking. That idea was too great for the Novak boy to handle and he pushed it away by flipping through his Tolkien book.

Moments turned to minutes turned to an hour. There was only thirty minutes left in first period. After the first forty-five, Castiel had pretty much given up hope of seeing Dean that day, yet when he heard the familiar shuffle of jacket sleeves rubbing together, he instinctively looked up only to be met with a more than pissed frown in Dean’s green eyes. The black-haired boy took a confused expression on his face and kept Dean’s gaze as he sat down.

“Something wrong?” Cas could tell the moment the words came out of his mouth that they sounded bitchy and unwelcoming, but the way Dean was looking at him, like he was at fault, made him angry.

“Oh, no.” The boy retorted. “I’m fan-fucking-tastic. Isn’t it obvious?”

Castiel was never good at navigating these situations. In his mind, he had two options. One: Try talking to Dean, see if you can get an explanation out of him and maybe then, you can talk it out. Or two: Play along with the anger, making both of you furious, in the hopes that tomorrow, Dean would come to his senses and apologize. Then, you can talk it out. However, this time, the boy went with a totally different way.

“C’mon, buddy! Turn that frown upside down!” He honestly didn’t have a plan for this tactic but he just decided to roll with it as he gave the Winchester boy a thumbs up.

“Do you honestly think that’s funny, Castiel.” Dean propped his head up on the desk and started doodling on the surface of it.

That last part worried Cas. Dean almost never used his name like that. It was always “Cas” or “Cassie” but using his full name was different. It was like something inside Dean had fallen, like something had been taken from him. Castiel suddenly felt very exposed. He immediately regretted trying to make light of Dean’s mood and lowered his head, trying to think of something else to say.

“Dean, do you--do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, I’m fine just, leave it alone.” 

Cas toyed with the corner of Dean’s portrait that was hanging slightly out of his sketchbook. Somehow he didn’t think now was a good time to show him. Sighing, he turned his attention to Ms. Variz as she spoke.

“Okay, you can all relax, testing day is over. Next on the agenda, we will be taking a field trip to our local museum to look at some paintings.” She put up jazz hands, trying to make it sound more exciting than it was, when even she knew that nobody really wanted to spend a whole day being quiet and looking at old art in bulky frames.

Dean groaned and let his head fall on the desk, covering it with his arms. Seeing this display, Cas leaned over to speak quietly in his ear.

“At least it will be better than staying in class all day writing poems.” He gave the boy a hopeful grin when he looked up.

“Hey, I thought you liked writing poems.”

Cas blushed a bit and smiled, deciding to tease him a little more.

“Aw, there’s that face. I was wondering where it had gone.” 

Dean sat up, taking in a large breath.

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. Excuse me if I’m not ecstatic to be spending my time doing something I couldn’t care less about.”

Castiel was about to speak when the woman in the front of the room stopped him,walking down the aisle passing out white forms.

“I expect your permission slips back by the end of the week, as we will be going the following Monday, is that clear?” The class grunted in response. “I suggest bringing a small backpack or bag since we will be there the whole day. Make sure to pack a lunch or bring some money, too. We’ll be taking a small break in the middle of the day for lunch and you will be allowed to leave the building for about an hour.” She seemed to stop herself as she thought of something. “Don’t get any ideas though, I’m gonna take attendance before and after and if you’re not there, your parents won’t be very pleased to hear from me, okay?” Everyone groaned again. “Good. Questions?”

At this point, the boys had stopped paying attention, and were instead looking aimlessly over the form that Mrs. Variz had placed in front of them.

“Don’t worry,” Cas took Dean’s eyes off of his paper. “I’ll be there. We can hate it together.” This drew a smile out of the taller boy.

“Yeah? Well, I’ll be sure to hold you to your word.”

***

The rest of the week was uneventful, passing with slow hours and long nights filled with homework and rereading old books. Castiel had meant to show Dean the finished drawing sometime during the week, but the timing never felt right. He settled on waiting until they were at the museum. That seemed perfect. He would pull him aside to some majestic and profound looking painting and slide the paper in his hands. Perhaps the setting and hushed voices would make it more romantic. Can’t blame a boy for trying. 

Over the weekend, Castiel and Dean texted back and forth. Nothing that really made Cas blush, but the fact that he even got to talk to Dean outside of class made him feel wanted. Every letter and word made his heart melt because it was Dean. He was just so damn charming even over a text. The fact that he could make the Novak boy nervous and giggly through just his words was astonishing to Cas.

As it usually does, the weekend was followed by the Monday that Castiel had been waiting for. Of course he had this same feeling the previous week, but that did not go exactly as planned. Now, he wasn’t going to let anything mess this up. He had his outfit laid out the night before: A light blue collared shirt under his best gray cashmere sweater along with khaki’s and black converse. He never really knew if anything he wore ever went together, but he felt good in it and so to him it looked nice. If Dean saw him he might say that he looked incredibly nerdy, especially with his glasses and small frame but this is the best he could do. And maybe Dean would be into that.

Castiel grabbed his sketchbook and slipped it in his old brown satchel, slinging it over his shoulder. He said goodbye to Bobby and left for his school. He couldn’t wait to get to class. The whole day played over in his mind. He would sit next to Dean on the bus, make comfortable conversation and once they were in, he’d run off with him to some uncrowded section and show him the picture. Dean would love it and they would be incredibly happy together. Perfect.

The whole class was waiting impatiently outside of the classroom for Mrs. Variz. No one seemed overly excited but Cas was too caught up in Dean Winchester to notice. As soon as he saw him he had to concentrate on not immediately jumping on him and kissing him desperately. Dean, however, did not seem to have the same problem as he walked casually up to the nervous boy in front of the door.

“Hey Cas, ready to be bored out of your mind?” Dean rolled his eyes and smiled. Cas tried to play along.

“Oh yeah, completely. I even brought a book because honestly I don’t want to have to stand around all day, trying to find meaning in some painting that I could’ve done.” That wasn’t what he meant, though. What he meant to say was:

‘Dean I’m not even going to be looking at the paintings. Your eyes hold all of the meaning I need. And I know that sounds cheesey but you’re beautiful and I want to be with you.’ Instead he just smiled as though he couldn’t care less and combed his finger through his hair.

“Well I hope you’re not reading the whole time. You said we could hate it together, remember?” The fact that not only he remembered what Cas had said but that he also wanted to spend the day with him gave him butterflies. 

“Cas, you’re blushing.” Dean gave him a smirk and slipped his hands in his pockets. “Something wrong?”

Castiel couldn’t help his jaw from dropping slightly.

“Uh--no I would just think that the great Dean Winchester has better things to do with his time.” He laughed and looked up at him. 

“Are you kidding, Novak?” Dean snaked an arm around his shoulder. “You’re probably the most interesting person in this class.” 

Castiel blushed at the touch. He pulled his bag farther up his shoulder. Dean had never been this close to him before. Every interaction they had had was either at their desk, where they were a few feet away from each other, or over the phone. Come to think of it, Cas had never been this close to anyone. He was just attempting to process how to channel all of these new feelings when Mrs. Variz rounded the corner.

“I know, I know I’m late, spare me the lecture. Just let me get in and take the attendance then follow me out to the bus.” She pushed her way through the tired and annoyed group of teenagers and unlocked the door, creating a bottleneck of students funneling into the room. Dean and Castiel hung towards the back and sauntered in, at which point Dean had retracted his arm and sat on their desk.

“So, Cassie, we are gonna play a little game on the bus.” He kicked his legs back and forth.

Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“And what game might that be Deanie?” He crossed his arms over his chest, smiling slightly. Dean smirked at the nickname Cas had given him.

“We are going to play would you rather. A common game played by many a bored teenager.” He laughed and drummed his fingertips on the desk.

“Fine, but I’m planning on asking some pretty mind blowing questions. You’re gonna have to choose between some pretty weird things.” 

“Well, I can not wait for that.” 

Just then, Mrs. Variz called their attention to the front of the room as she called their names. Soon after, they were rushed outside to the buses.

As soon as everyone had taken their seats, Dean sitting on the aisle right next to Castiel, they were on their way.

Everything felt very slow. The dull gray sky outside combined with the gentle hum of the large engine, created an environment perfect for nascent headaches. Castiel and Dean were sitting back in their seats, not saying a word and breathing quietly in-sinc. Cas turned his head to look out the window, and, upon realizing there was nothing to be looked at, glanced at the boy beside him.

“Hey, Dean.” He paused to think for a moment. “Would you rather write a poem, or, have a poem written about yourself?” A small smile fought it’s way through his lips.

Dean picked his head up and smirked down at his seat partner.

“What kinda question is that?”

Instead of answering, Castiel just widened his eyes and motioned with his hands to keep going. Dean sighed.

“Well,” He chuckled softly. “you can probably guess that I’m no Walt Whitman, so I guess I’d like to have a poem about me. Not to sound self-absorbed or anything.” Cas shook his head and smiled wider. “I am positive however, that you would pick the poet option, huh?” Dean jokingly ruffled his hair. “My little Castiel’s gonna be a writer when he grows up, isn’t he?” 

At this point, Cas was blushing furiously and stared at his lap to minimize the chances of Dean seeing it.

“Your turn.”

“Okay, okay, gimme a minute.” Dean played with the thoughts in his mind before biting his lip ever so briefly, although it did not go unnoticed by the Novak boy, and opened his mouth to speak.

“Would you rather have sex in a public bathroom, or a car in the parking lot of a drive-in movie?”

The rather unexpected question made Cas jump in his seat and immediately look up, red faced at the boy to the right of him.

“Oh my God, Dean!”

Dean just laughed and clapped his hands.

“I’m sorry, did that surprise the virgin?”

Cas was a little annoyed by the Winchester’s remark and gave him a childlike scowl.

“Hey, you’re a virgin too.”

“A lot has changed since we last talked, Cas.” He laughed and combed his fingers through his hair.

“Okay,” He gave Dean an uncomfortable thumbs up. “really didn’t want to know that, Dean, but thanks anyway.” Castiel glanced out the window. When he looked back, he was met with a smug, freckled smirk.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“I don’t think I want to.”

Dean tapped his nose playfully.

“Of course you don’t, that’s the point.”

Cas groaned and thought for a moment, an unsure look hung on his face. Dean, however, could not have been more pleased with himself.

“A c-car, I guess? It’s more familiar and less dirty.” He thought about it some more. “Although, I suppose in the parking lot, more people have a chance of seeing you;” He wasn’t even working out the question for Dean anymore, or even looking at him. Castiel was lost in a feeling of pure confusion and uneasiness caused by none other than Dean Winchester. And the green eyed teenager was absolutely loving it. Eventually he came to a conclusion and turned back to Dean.

“Okay, the car.”

Dean smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely, because if it’s at a drive-in, it’s probably really dark. Also, bathroom floors are always a little bit slippery for some reason. So for cleanliness and hygiene, I would say the car.” Castiel, obviously satisfied with his answer, sat back in his seat and crossed his arms.

“Cassie, that is a well thought out, honest answer. I respect that. And, it has earned you a high five.” He held his hand up, smirking at the blue eyes in front of him.

“A high five? Really? What, are you eight?” Despite the sarcastic response, Castiel laughed and did it anyway. He loved that Dean was so silly and was happy to take part in his antics.

“Alright, cool. Your turn, Novak.”

Cas had already had this one locked and loaded. He was gonna make Dean pay for his last question, and this time, Castiel would be the one to bring the pink tint to his friend’s face.

“Would you rather be on the top or bottom?”

Dean, admittedly, was caught a little off guard by the question, yet answered as calmly as though he’d known what the boy was going to ask. Cas, however, even though he had asked was a bit uncomfortable with the topic. He couldn’t ask something that he, himself had no idea about. He barely knew what it meant and certainly didn’t know what it meant to Dean.

“Both. I don’t like to argue as long as something’s gonna happen, you know what I mean?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at the boy to his left. “Or uh--” He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “guess you don’t.”

Castiel was getting slowly more annoyed with Dean’s confidence that just seemed to ooze from his blood.

“Shut up. Your turn, assbutt.” 

Dean smirked at Cas’ choice of insult but he ignored it and ransacked his brain for appropriate question.

“Would you rather have a boner for three days, or be a girl and be on your period for three days and not have any way to stop it from bleeding through your clothes?” He didn’t have any clue how to answer this question. Instead, he just stared, wide eyed at the grinning Dean Winchester.

“Where do you come up with these?”

“I spend a lot of time alone with my brother and we never have things to do, so I’ve gotten pretty good at car games. You wanna play ‘I spy’? I’m a fucking master at that one.” He laughed and waited for a response.

“Oh, gosh, okay. Uhm..I guess the guy. I wouldn’t want all my clothes to be ruined or feel like I wet myself for half a week. Plus, being a guy, I can always put a jacket over it or hold my backpack or something like that.”

Dean nodded.

“Sound reasoning, ask me a question.”

Castiel hadn’t really had time to think of one before Dean’s demand, so he said the first thing that came to his head.

“If you had to picture yourself being any other sexuality than straight, what would it be?”

Dean looked at him and Cas couldn’t place his emotion. It wasn’t angry or shocked or disappointed, it was just confusing.

“What?” Cas questioned.

“I’m not straight.” Dean’s voice gave off an amused and innocent aura and Castiel figured he hadn’t screwed up, yet, the boy’s brain went into overdrive sorting it’s way through every apology he could think of.

“Oh, gosh! Dean, I-I’m so sorry! I t-totally didn’t mean to assume anything I just--God.” He covered his face in embarrassment.

“Cas, relax. It’s fine, I get it all the time. Just curious, why did you think I was straight?”

Castiel looked up, still mortified and searched for the right words.

“Well, I mean, you’re Dean Winchester. You’re such a man’s man and--I’m always hearing about your many conquests and the trail of broken hearts you leave lying around this school.” He smiled nervously and tried to play it off as a tease.

Dean laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Right, that. Cas, I’m bi. The guys I go out with, even if there aren’t that many, are confused jock types that begged me not to tell anyone and wouldn’t even look me in the eye after. So, yeah, I guess it just wasn’t that important to me.” The smile he gave Cas was unlike anything the black haired teen had expected. It was gentle and sweet and comforting. Everything that Dean spent his whole life trying to prove he wasn’t. Castiel loved it.

“Good, now that we got that out of the way--Actually, I think I’m going to choose a different question.” He thought for a moment. “Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with someone you don’t know, or in a large hotel room with a person you hate?”

“Ooh, tough one. On one hand, I could always get to know the person and I might really like them.” He combed his hands through hair, a motion that sent shivers down Castiel’s spine. “However, you could just divide up the hotel room with the other guy.” He turned toward Cas again. “On the island, do we have the chance of getting saved?”

“You have a forty percent chance of getting saved, but, in the hotel room, the only way you’re getting out is if you and the other person work together closely and figure out a plan.”

“Then the island. I don’t work with someone if I don’t wanna work with someone.” He laughed as the bus pull up to the drop off zone.

As all of the students shuffled out of the narrow doorway, Castiel and Dean were some of the last to leave. They stepped off of the bus and looked up at the large building in front of them.

“Y’ready to kill yourself with boredom?” Dean leaned over and nearly whispered in his friends ear. 

Castiel followed suit.

“Save me Winchester.”

“Will do.” And with that they silently gathered with the rest of their class to walk into the museum, each of them smiling widely and attempting to hide it.


	5. The Artwork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it took so long, but I had a birthday and to be honest I think I was just a bit lazy. Anyway here ya go! Hope you like it!

Opening the doors held a beautiful sight in itself. There was a large lobby with two large counters on either side of it for buying tickets and general customer service. The tiled floor was a beige color and made to look like polished marble. Beyond the immediate threshold, there was a large green fountain. There was nothing too extravagant about it, however, if you looked around, it was still interesting enough to captivate the minds of a few toddlers who were happily throwing coins into it. Surrounding the fountain were a few hallways, each leading to a different section of the museum and labeled with their time period.

 

The large group of students and Mrs. Variz made their way through the two immense glass doors that separated them from the large stone staircase leading to the sidewalk and the museum itself. When Castiel and Dean looked up they were immediately greeted with a large glass chandelier. It was in the shape of a sphere and made of small glass panels hung from the ceiling with different lengths of clear cords to give it a round form. The boys stared in awe at it for it was truly magnificent.

 

It took a while for the class to get checked in, and Castiel knew that if had had any other teacher, they would have adhered to a strict schedule, making sure that no one wandered or fell behind. However, Mrs. Variz’s attitude was that if someone was forced to stare at a painting they truly did not enjoy, they couldn’t appreciate the rest of the ones that they might actually like. Cas had to agree.

 

Her rules, although few in number, were great in consequence. Mrs. Variz was sure to stress the importance of returning back to the lobby at exactly one o’clock. Although they were allowed to go where they wanted, she still made it clear to pick one half of the museum to explore before lunch as they would see the other half after. Of course, if anyone got any ideas about leaving early, the security guards had been warned ahead of time about the group of adolescents visiting that day.

 

None of this, however, meant much to the two boys in the back of the group, who were stuck in their own little world as they meandered their way through the different halls of the east side of the building.

 

***

 

About a half hour had passed, and they had seen many beautiful paintings and sculptures. Dean was never too interested in anything, but watching Castiel marvel at the colors and brush strokes of the numerous masterpieces always kept his attention locked on the bright blue eyes.

 

They walked by old vases and stones from thousands of years ago and shuffled passed many sculptures of naked men and women, each earning a mischievous giggle from the older boy. Castiel seemed to be enamoured with the paintings of nature and landscapes. At each one he would spend a good fifteen minutes, just looking and thinking, however, he seemed to be glued to the floor in front of a large canvas that showed four bees riding bicycles. Dean couldn’t stop the grin on his face as he watched him devour the artwork with his eyes.

 

It was a couple more hours, and by twelve-thirty, they had spent the entire day in silence. Not awkward or uncomfortable, just the security of having someone you feel safe with, constantly by your side.They had stopped in front of a large canvas, the subject of which were two people, a man and a woman, walking down a street. In the setting, it had obviously just rained as the ground was shimmering with a thin layer of water.The colors used, and the way the light played off of them made it look like an image from a dream. An umbrella was depicted over the couple, who were linked at the elbows. On the man’s side, were streetlamps running parallel to the street and everything surrounding them was an orange, red color, the color often affiliated with autumn and Thanksgiving. Strong, thick trees lay behind the lights, and their leaves melted into the rays given off by the posts. On the woman’s side, to the right, everything was blue and white. The sky was almost purple with a lingering coldness and beyond a small dividing layer of grass, there lay a pond, covered over with blue, icy film. Contrary to the warm, vibrant tones of the trees on the opposite side of the painting, there was but one near the girl and it was barren and black, although the branches kept their form and had a few remaining red leaves scattered across the top. It was the type of painting that a person like Castiel could get lost in for hours.

 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Dean’s voice drew the boys eyes away from the canvas and at that point, Cas was sure that Dean’s were the only ones that could.

 

“It’s fascinating, Dean. What do you think the contrasting seasons mean?”  He turned back to the painting as he spoke. “Do you think the winter represents the woman’s personality in the eyes of the artist? Or maybe they just like the way the shades interact with each other. Maybe they’re don’t mean anything in particular. Either way, they’ve created a magnificent piece of art, don’t you think?” The boy fixed his gaze on the green eyes to his right. No one would group ‘Fine Art’ in Castiel’s subjects of expertise, but anyone can enjoy art without having to be knowledgeable about it.

 

Dean laughed softly and slipped his hands in his pockets as he stepped closer.

 

“Absolutely. I’m not sure what any of it means, but it’s bright colors keep my attention.” He gave Cas a toothy grin and locked him in an intense gaze that neither one of them wanted to break. Eventually Castiel could feel the impending blush and lowered his head, taking a small step back.

 

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice was high and timid and he spoke with a certain cautiousness as though he was making his way through an active minefield.

 

Dean bit his lip and blinked his eyes quickly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Dean, why were you so..angry last week?”

 

Castiel’s voice and posture strengthened as he saw the slight smile tug at the corner of his friend’s mouth.

 

“Maybe we should talk about this another time, Cassie. Don’t really wanna get into it right now.” His smile grew and he nodded his head to the remaining section of the hallway they were on that had been left unexplored. “Come on. We don’t have much time before lunch.”

 

Castiel sighed and followed him, pushing away his worried thoughts for now.

  


***

  


It took some time to get out of the museum but once they did, it was like the world was at their feet. Mrs. Variz had said they were allowed to go anywhere as long as they walked there and were back by two o’clock in the lobby, so as they walked down the stone steps to the sidewalk, both Castiel and Dean were humming with excitement.

 

Cas stopped once they reached the street and turned to face the smiling boy.

 

“So.”  He spoke and happiness seemed to radiate from his face.

 

“So.” Dean replied.

 

“What ever shall we do with ourselves?”

 

“Well, I don’t know Castiel. I’m actually kinda bored. Never did like cities all that much.”

 

This only deepened the smile on both of their faces a Cas turned towards the street, scanning it for things they could do. Suddenly he spun around.

 

“So you don’t like cities?”

 

“Never have.” The smile was evident in his tone as he awaited the words from Cas’ mouth.

 

“So that probably means you don’t like big crowds of people, huh?”

 

Dean eyed his friend suspiciously.

 

“Yeah..?”

 

“So how would you like to take a very short walk to a very secluded and most likely abandoned playground?”

 

“You seem to have a pretty clear idea of what you want to do. Lead the way, blue eyes.”

 

Castiel began to walk left towards the playground which they had yet to discover and was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He looked over startled and was met with a knowing smirk.

 

“Cas you know it’s lunch right?”

 

“Yeah? And?”

 

Dean smiled and pointed to a burger place just across the street.

 

“And you wanna get some lunch?”

 

Castiel blushed and started towards the cross walk with Dean leading the way a few feet in front of him as they made their way through the sea of people.

 

 ***

 

Castiel loved burgers. Any kind, anywhere. And he wasn’t timid about it even around his crush. He and Dean ordered two double cheeseburgers with a large side of fries and Root Beer. As they made their way toward the playground, they didn’t talk much at all. They ate and thought and little else. Although, there was a loud burst of laughter from both of them as Cas tripped over a root coming through a crack in the sidewalk. It was this sort of serenity that made their friendship strong. Everything about being with Dean was effortless for Castiel.

 

The playground was hidden. Only sticking in Cas’ mind because Bobby used to bring him here when he was little. Something about him not wanting to deal with horny soccer moms. Between an old FedEx and a family owned diner was a small alleyway. If one were to follow down this path, they would come to a large overgrown and deserted field with a few benches off to the sides and trees in the background. The play structure was quite simple in itself. The swing set was rusty, although still intact and even though Castiel was sure he hadn’t actually seen one at any other playground in his life, an old see-saw teetered in the wind a few yards away from them. The monkey bars were just a rectangular frame of poles that hung about five feet from the ground. The last piece was a metal slide. It wasn’t big, nor did it twirl around itself or keep a wavy form. There was a four-rung ladder climbing up to the top of the gradual slope that led to the dry weedy grass below the boys’ feet.The bright yellow paint on all of the equipment had been worn away and chipped at until it was now a dull and fading reminder of what it had been. However, Castiel could only smile as he stopped at the entrance and gazed upon his old childhood memories with Dean standing right there, taking it all in with him.

 

“Do you like it?” Castiel didn’t turn his head to look at the boy and instead clawed his eyes over every inch of rust and steel that he could manage.

 

“I like that there’s no one else here. For now, anyways. It’s nice to be in the middle of a crowded city yet see no one in sight.”

 

Cas nodded in agreement.

 

“I told you about my uncle right? You remember Bobby?” They meandered across the dried grass and towards the benches on the other side of the field.

 

“Yeah, course I do Cassie. You talked about him all the time in elementary school.” Dean smiled and took out a piece of gum, as they had finished eating by the time they arrived, and shoved his hands into their usual resting place inside his pockets.

 

Castiel hummed in response before talking again.

 

“He used to take me here all the time. Me and Gabe. He would just sit on the benches and watch us, or play catch, or something like that. I love thinking about it.”

 

“God, Cas, I didn’t know you were such a girl.”

 

Castiel feigned an insulted expression which dug a thick and content chuckle out of the green eyed boy’s throat.

 

They made their way across the clearing and sat down together, Dean on Cas’ right and their knees touching gently.

 

They sat like this for quite some time. Snatching small glances from each other and giggling quietly in the intervals. Not creating the feeling of needing to talk was another reason the Winchester felt comfortable around Cas. Dean was about to offer Castiel a strip of gum when the boy spoke suddenly.

 

“You know what I like most about you, Dean Winchester?”

 

Dean simply smiled and stared happily at the teenager next to him.

 

“What?”

 

“I like how it’s so comfortable to talk to you. There was a period there for a couple years where I thought we weren’t friends anymore, but, then you came into class that first day, and it was like we were in seventh grade again.” He smiled and looked down to cover a small blush.

 

“You thought we weren’t friends?”  If Dean was hurt slightly by the remark, Cas couldn’t tell.

 

“Well to be fair, we didn’t text. Or hang out. Or talk.” He smiled reassuringly as the light haired teenager next to him nodded. “I mean I’m glad it’s okay now. I didn’t really think about it, but I was sad that we sorta..grew apart.” Castiel laughed shyly and dropped his head. “I miss you.”

 

The words pierced Dean like a thousand knives. He thought they were fine. Of course he wasn’t oblivious to the fact that they hadn’t talked as much, but it hurt Dean to think that he had caused some sort of distress in his friends life.

 

Before he had time to apologize or even act on his thoughts, the boys' attention was jerked away from each other on onto three new figures shuffling in from the entrance of their hideaway.

 

Three boys. Younger than Dean and Castiel, but only by a few years, although they were quite tall. Even compared to the pair on the bench.

 

The first was the largest. Dark hair, light skin and deep brown eyes. The second and third looked alike as they were most likely brothers and both had bright red hair with blue eyes that paled in comparison to Cas’. The clothing on their backs was simple; Dark sweatshirts with baggy jeans and converse.

 

They shuffled alongside the building that created a sort of wall for the abandoned enclosure, and laughed amongst each other. Loud enough for Cas and Dean to hear and become slightly annoyed at the boy’s rudeness.

 

Finally the first spoke as the group sauntered over.

 

“Hey, check it out. Got a couple of fags over here trying to make out.” He had a rough British accent. Dean found it quite irritating as he glanced over his shoulder at him.

 

Dean turned his body to face forward, yet craned his neck to whisper to his friend.

 

“Ignore them.”

 

Castiel returned the gesture.

 

“Wasn’t planning on engaging if that’s what you mean.”

 

The younger boy’s voices got louder as did their footsteps when they approached Castiel and Dean.

 

“Y’know buttfucking in public’s illegal.” The boy crossed his arms and smirked as his two goons snickered over his shoulder.

 

Betraying his own words, and far quicker than Cas had imagined he would, Dean stood and let out an exasperated sigh.

 

“Can I help you fine gentlemen?”

 

“Yeah. You and your little boyfriend are makin’ us gag over there.” Now he turned to the brothers behind him. “Nothing like a couple of homo’s to ruin your day, huh, boys?”

 

Castiel knew that Dean was angry. Castiel also knew that Dean could get very angry. And when Dean was the kind of angry that he was slowly becoming, there was little anyone could do to bring him back down. Cas stood and placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

 

“Dean lets just go, they’re not the kind of people you waste your time on.”

 

“Cas, no. These boys are being extremely rude, and if I don’t very politely tell them to back the _fuck_ off, they might not learn their lesson.”

 

The small boy to the right of the apparent leader, decided to break his way into the conversation.

 

“Oh, come on, we’re just kidding.” A sly grin slid it’s way onto his face. “You don’t have to go. In all honesty, you’re probably as straight as a stripper pole. But twink over there, ” He gave a pointed glance toward Castiel. “he’s gonna have to leave. Don’t wanna inhale any of his fairy dust and turn us all into flaming gays.” The three boys shared a loud laugh and the leader walked over to where Cas was standing timidly, with one shoulder behind Dean’s.

 

Dean, however, was not quite so faint-hearted and stood up straighter, puffing out his chest subconsciously.

 

“What did you just say, asshole?” He stepped forward and lightly pushed the boy. “How old are you, anyway? Like, twelve? What’s your name?”

 

The boy, Fergus, as Dean and Castiel found out, shoved Dean back and attempted to meet his gaze.

 

“Big enough to take you, bitch. Trying to stand up for your woman now? What a gentlemen you are.”  

 

Castiel had had enough of this by now and yanked Dean’s hand, pulling him back from the group of younger teens.

 

The blue eyed boy took a second to stare at Dean, silently, before storming towards the alley-way where they had entered half an hour before.

 

Dean shoved Fergus back with his forearm and growled slightly under his breath as he shot the group a glare and followed Castiel.

 

When Dean caught up to him, Castiel was half way back to the museum.

 

Dean pulled Cas’ shoulder back, forcing him to look into his eyes.

 

“Cas are you okay? I know I should’ve held it together better but--”

 

Castiel locked him into a hug so forceful, that it caused Dean to stumble back a few steps.

 

Although the words were muffled into Dean’s shoulder, he some how managed to make them out.

 

“Dean I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I have no idea why I stormed out I just--I hated the idea of you getting into a fight because I’m too girly. Please forgive me--are you okay?” Cas looked up teary eyed into Dean’s gaze. His cheeks were already starting to redden and his face was getting puffy.

 

If Dean was honest, he didn’t just see Castiel as a friend. He had no idea what Cas was to him, but it was a protective feeling. Dean had already hurt Castiel once. No one would ever do that again. Not while he was with him.

 

He pulled back from Cas’ tight grip on his waist and chuckled softly.

 

“Cas, Cas I’m fine. Like I said, I shouldn’t have let my anger get the best of me. And you’re not too girly, those guys were just douchebags who were probably still in middle school. I was just encouraging them. It’s just--” He took a large breath and sighed. “I don’t like seeing you being treated like that. You should really stand up for yourself. Not that I won’t be there to drop kick anyone who does pull something like that, but it’s not good for your..m-mental health I guess.” Dean’s voice faltered slightly and he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, staring pointedly at the cement sidewalk under them.

 

Castiel took a moment to look at the situation he was in. His previous state of anger and frustration had lowered his inhibitions long enough for his arms to securely lock themselves around the torso of the boy he adored.

 

He jumped and took a large step back.

 

“S-Sorry, Dean. I didn’t really think about what I was doing.”

 

Dean smiled reassuringly.

 

“You’re fine, Cassie.”

 

The walk back up the stone staircase to the museum was quiet, Cas was still a bit disappointed in himself and Dean could sense it. His brown satchel, which had been completely forgotten as it hung on his shoulder, swayed back and forth as the two met with the rest of the class in the lobby of the building.

 

The students were counted and then Mrs. Variz dismissed them to go where they pleased, as long as they were going to the side they hadn’t seen that morning.

 

Castiel and Dean were meandering down a large gallery of artworks, most of them bearing the theme of nature and simple things.

 

The look on Cas’ face said it all. He was staring at the ground, his eyebrows pursed together in a frown. He wasn’t saying anything and instead toying with the sleeves of his sweater. Dean hadn’t given much thought to Castiel’s attire before, but the time they had spent outside made it clear to him that it was not the kind of day someone would spend in layers. Even Dean had shed his usual leather jacket, and was now comfortably dressed in a light green, short sleeved shirt and faded jeans. He wondered what the boy was wearing a sweater for, although, he didn’t spend too much time on the thought and figured out what he wanted to say to the very distressed Castiel.

 

“Cas, it’s alright. There’s nothing wrong with you.” His words were tentative. Dean didn’t want to say something that might push Castiel over the edge and into a puddle of tears. “Those guys were assholes. They don’t know you, or what kind of person you are.”

 

Castiel turned to face him abruptly.

 

“And what kind of person is that, Dean? A girly _fag_ that people take one look at and write off as obviously gay?” Both Cas and Dean knew he hated that word, but he didn’t stop. “Dean, I’m not like you, okay?! Even if the whole school knew about you, everyone would still love you and ask you to come to their party or give them advice on how to get girls! Hell, you’re the goddamn football captain! Nobody needs to wonder if I’m gay or not. No one has ever even bothered to ask!”

 

Castiel had friends. Charlie, Kevin, and a few others he hung out with at times. Still, he wasn’t wrong. None of them had asked him. The first week Charlie had known him, she tried to get him a boyfriend. Of course he wasn’t mad at her for assuming, but it still stung a little.

 

“Cas, stop it. You know that’s not what I meant. And are you seriously letting them get to you? They’re children. And two of them were creepy ginger kids, so that should make you feel better if nothing else.” He laughed, trying to relieve some of the tension, but Cas wasn’t buying it.

 

“You don’t get it. People don’t see me for me. They don’t take the time to. The only reason someone like you is friends with me, is because we were before anyone knew. Before I knew. "No matter where I go, or what I do, people will always see,” He motioned to his body and looked himself up and down. “this. And I accept that, it’s just--being with you now, makes it more apparent.”

 

Dean’s heart broke. Here he was, hurting his friend again and not being able to do anything about it. He chose his next few words carefully.

 

“Cas, you and I are friends, because I like you. You haven’t changed my mind just because of who _you_ like. You are the way you are--because that’s who you are. I don’t see any difference between the boy I met in fourth grade and the man standing in front of me, now. Except _that_ boy wouldn’t take shit from assholes in the park. Idiots with mean words don’t change who you are or how much you mean to me. I need you to understand that.”

 

He looked at Cas with a sort of tenderness that the Novak boy couldn’t place. It wasn’t Dean’s words that he trusted, it was him. The voice, the eyes, the smile. The thoughts in Cas’ mind told him to shake his head and scream something back, yet all he did was nod and stare at the ground.

 

They walked for a bit more in silence, taking short glances at paintings on the walls.

 

This is the way their relationship was. Sometimes, although not usually, it would fall into these canyons of quietness that were anything but peaceful. The gaps would be filled up with everything the two wanted to say to each other but didn’t.

 

Dean was usually the first to break the silence in theses situations, yet Cas decided that he’d had enough before Dean opened his mouth.

 

“Dean I uh--I almost forgot. I have to show you something.”

 

Dean turned slightly and waited as the boy next to him opened his satchel and pulled out a sketchbook.

 

“What’s that, Cassie?”

 

“Just wait.”

 

Castiel opened the book and slipped out a page, handing it to his friend.

 

“I forgot to show it to you earlier, and these aren’t exactly the conditions I had imagined, but it’s finished.” He laughed nervously as Dean ran his eyes up and down the soft graphite replication of his face.

 

“Cas this is..this is incredible. I don’t even think that word describes it, but it’s--” He looked back at Cas before finishing his sentence. “Cas this is beautiful. You never told me you could draw like this.

 

“It never really came up I guess, sorry.” He smiled sheepishly. “I’m just glad you like it. It would be quite awkward if you hadn’t.”

 

“No, Cassie, I love it. Truly, truly magnificent.” Dean stared in awe at the page before him, before he heard Cas speak again.

 

“It’s not one of my best. I wanted to do another one so I could take more time but I never had a chance to ask. You don’t mind, do you?”

 

Dean shook his head fervently.

 

“You want to draw me? Yes! Of course, that would be amazing!” He quickly took Castiel into his arms and hugged him tightly. “I love--I love your drawings.” He stepped back as he heard Mrs. Variz’s voice calling everyone to the lobby, as it was time to leave. Dean examined Castiel's face to see any sign of wheter or not he'd heard what Dean almost said. Yet, he found nothing and was relieved.

 

“So, Cas, you’re saying there are more of these to come?” He indicated the drawing in his hand.

 

Castiel nodded as a blush spread across his face.

 

“I can make them better I swear.”

 

Dean smirked and his eyes lit up. He could hear the teacher’s voice again.

 

“God dammit! Get your adolescent asses over here now!”

 

Before Cas could turn his head, he heard Dean’s voice.

 

“Well, then what am I still doing with it? This gift should be shared with the world.”

 

“Dean, what are you--”

 

He watched as his brown haired friend took the gum from his mouth and stuck it on the wall, pressing the paper firmly to it. Dean quickly grabbed his phone and took a few pictures and grabbed Castiel’s hand, pulling him back to the lobby in a hurry.

 

“Dean!” Cas whisper-yelled as his friend pulled him away from where his drawing was hanging on the wall.

 

“Cas, that drawing is an artwork. It deserves an audience. Especially in a museum.” He gave Castiel a sly smile and pulled him into the large gathering of students without another word.

 

“You’re something else, Dean Winchester.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know when I can update, but hopefully it'll be soon! Again COMMENT! COMMENT! COMMENT! I love them! They really make my day! Thanks for reading! Also, if any of you have red hair, I didnt mean the comment about gingers. I just thought it would fit with Deans character. Sorry if I offended anyone and honestly I love red hair!


	6. Poetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long. Internets a bitch. Thats why im writing on my phone right now so i apologize in advance for typos. Anyway here ya go. Hope you. like it. Just some brotherly bonding. Again sorry!

The trip back from the museum was uneventful, passing with slow breaths and long gazes out the large bus windows. Castiel couldn't help combing through rhe memories of everything that had happened that day. He loves Dean, but this may have been the first time that he actually felt loved back. Of course, Dean was a gentleman and all, usually, but people just don't go around sticking drawings to walls of museums as an act of friendship.

Castiel shook away the thought. Dean had been his friend for years. They would do anything for each other, there was no deeper meaning and to tease himself with the possibility of it was becoming quite frustrating. 

Suddenly, he jumped as he remembered their fight, if you call it that, in the hallway. He turned to Dean, panic dominating his face, and left his mouth open slightly before actually being able to speak. Once he could, he spoke in a hushed tone but his friend could sense the alarm behind it.

"Holy shit, Dean, did I just come out to you?!"

Dean stared at him for a moment before an amused grin appeared on his face and he threw his head back in a classic Dean Winchester full body laugh, making almost every student in the vehicle turn their head.

Once he recovered, he caught his breath and turned to face the now extremely red, Castiel. 

"Regretting that, are we?" Everything about his voice was playful and light in contrast to the distress running through the smaller boy's veins.

I-I mean it's apparent but, shit, I've never actually told anyone. Well, e-except Bobby, but still." He carded his hands nervously through his raven hair and sat back in his seat, astonished, with his mouth gaping.

"Cassie, you're fine. I don't care. Like, at all. Like I said, you're still the same as when I met you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Cas scoffed, trying to brush off this anxious feeling.

"I am not afraid of anything, Dean." This earned a slight smirk from the boy next to him. "I just maybe would have waited to officially tell you, is all." He crossed his arms and turned to face the sunny sky beyond the window to his left. Cas chewed his lip and closed his eyed, hoping Dean wouldn't press the issue. He had no such luck.

"Sure you are. You said so back at the museum." He slung an arm around the back of Cas' seat. "You're afraid people will treat you differently. You're afraid that everyone will look at you like you're damaged or broken. And lastly, you're afraid that I will see you differently than I do, which is crazy because you have so many amazing qualities that sexuality doesn't even matter.

Castiel might have been worried about somebody overhearing their conversation had the tone of deans voice not been so gentle and calming. He turned back to face him slowly

"Why do you think that Dean?" Dean could tell as Cas sat up and tightened his arm around his stomach, he was trying to keep his composure. He was obviously extremely uncomfortable with being that exposed that quickly and if Dean was being honest, he looked down right terrified of what Dean was going to say next

"Because I know you, Cas." Castiel's blush deepened. "I know that you always worry about what everyone else thinks. I know that you still don't believe me when I say that I would like you if your were gay or straight or even lesbian." He laughed as dean went on. "You can be whatever you want, Cassie. No matter what people think or what you think, I think that you're amazing. I have since the moment I met you." Dean let Cas process what he said.

Castiel was blushing like mad. Of course Dean would like him no matter what, he thought. Dean was incredible, he was everything to Cas. He wasn't going to forget that again.

Cas let his hands fall.

"Dean, I'm so sorry. You really shouldn't have to deal with this every time I get insecure. I mean, of course I should've known you wouldn't care. I can't believe I made such a big deal, I just feel like an asshole."

 

"Castiel." Dean’s face was stern but Cas knew it was just an act. “I’m only gonna say this one more time. You’re not an asshole. I accept you, you're my friend. I’m not mad at you. Now, let’s quit it with the chick stuff before I grow and actual vagina.” He smirked and turned his face toward the front of the bus.

Castiel smiled and sighed happily as he leaned his head back on the seat, Everything said in the last two minutes had made up for any discomfort in the beginning of the day. He was happy. Dean cared about him and now, there was no disputing that. And if Dean was doing everything he could to keep his own happiness about the day's events to himself, well, Cas couldn’t tell.

***

“Dammit, Sam, I’m serious! Leave me alone or I swear to God, I will you drag you out of here by your hair!”

The boys were in Dean’s room. It had been two weeks since the museum and everything, in school or otherwise, was getting a bit dull. The class had begun their poetry unit, and everyone was supposed to create a poem of their own. Needless to say, Dean was loathing every minute he spent hunched over his desk trying to find something to rhyme with ‘Impala’. He thought about Cas and how much easier a time he was probably having.

“Dean, just tell me what you’re doing! I have a right to know what my brother’s up to.” Sam crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for an answer.

“I’m writing something, and it’s going to be your obituary if you don’t get the hell out of my room!” Dean was getting very irritated, very quickly. If Sam didn’t stop bugging him he was going to lose it.

“Oh, come on. Be serious, Dean. What’s so private that you have to keep it from me?”

“Jesus Christ, Sammy! You are the most annoying fourteen year old on the planet! Just get away from me, no wonder dad’s never here!” He turned back angrily towards his desk, not hearing the door shut as his brother made his way out.

It was about a half hour later, that Castiel called.

“Yeah, what is it, Cas?” Dean’s voice was tense and agitated.

“Dean? Are you alright? You seem stressed.”

“Of course I’m stressed. I’m not a poet. I don’t even know what to write about. This assignment is fucking infuriating, and I have no clue in hell how to get it done.”

“Yeah, hu-huh, how’s Sam?”

Dean sat up, confused about the sudden turn in conversation.

“What? Why the hell’re you bringing up Sam?”

“Because I know you, Dean.” He rolled his eyes. “Whenever you get angry, you get mean and Sam’s usually the only one there for you to lash out at.”

Dean scoffed.

“Why, thank you, Dr. Phil, I’ll keep that in mind.” The snarky turn in his voice only proved Cas’ point.

“See?”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he laid down on the bed.

“Yeah, alright, maybe I snapped at him, but the kid was being a giant pain in the ass.” He could practically sense the eye roll in Castiel’s next words.

“Okay, what did you say?”

Dean groaned and rubbed his eyes.

“I…” He tried to remember his exact phrasing and sighed. “I said it was no wonder dad’s never here.”

“Jesus, Dean, that’s rough.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just, this fucking poem thing! I hate it and I can’t--”

“Just go talk to him.”

And with that the line went dead.

“Just go talk to him.” Dean repeated the words to himself as he got off the bed and walked out of his room. “Just go talk to him. Fuck.”

Dean opened the door and peered into Sam’s room. All the lights were off and no one appeared to be inside. He would have searched the rest of the house, but just as he was about to leave, he heard a quiet sniffle from the corner where the bed was.

“Sammy? You in here, buddy?” He took a step farther in and turned on the light to see his younger brother curled up under the sheets, sobbing silently. Upon realizing this, Dean took two large, but quick steps and sat down next to Sam.

“Aw c’mon, Sammy, you know I didn’t mean it.”

Sam launched himself into his brother’s arms and wrapped his own around Dean’s neck. The older Winchester couldn’t help looking at the boy in his lap with complete adoration as he reciprocated the embrace.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Of course I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I love you, Dean. And I’m sorry that dad’s never here. I just wanted to hangout with you.” The words were muffled, but not so much that Dean couldn’t understand them, even as Sam was sobbing into his shoulder. Dean rubbed his back, trying to get him to calm down.

“It’s not your fault, Sammy. I promise we’ll hang out more, seriously. It’s gonna be okay.” Even if Dean didn’t believe it at times, that didn’t mean Sam couldn’t.

“Yeah, but when he comes home, he’s always yelling at you, and I know that sometimes he yells about me and--and I’m so sorry, Dean!”

Dean pulled away and tilted his brother’s head up with his index finger, forcing him to look Dean in the eyes.

“Hey, hey, dad’s a douche. We both know this, but, there isn’t anything he can throw at me that I can’t handle. I’m always gonna be there to protect my baby brother, understand?” He ruffled Sam’s hair and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Promise?”

Dean kissed the top of his head.

“Promise.”

Sam nodded and wiped his cheeks. His face was puffy and his eyes looked like they had gotten a bad sunburn. The red outlined his blue green eyes, making the glow vibrantly. Sam was still kind of small for his age, but Dean knew that would change.

He looked down at his brother. Sam was fidgeting nervously with his sleeves, just like Cas, Dean thought. Sam was no longer crying and it appeared as though his mind had moved on to something entirely different.

“Hey,” Dean nudged his shoulder as a small smirk spread across under his green eyes. “Something else bothering you?”

Sam but his lip and reached under his bed to pull out his journal. Opening up to the middle of it, he began to read.

“Your skin is like lilacs,

Your curls, like gold,

Your beauty is immeasurable, 

And you should be told.”

He waited for Dean’s reaction only to be met with a raised eyebrow on his brother’s confused face.

“Do you like it?”

Dean looked around the room, a bit puzzled by what Sam had asked him.

“Yeah, course I do. Uhm, although, I might like it a bit more if I knew what, exactly, it was.”

“It’s a poem, you jerk. F-For a girl.”

Dean’s confusion quickly morphed into a familiar and slightly teasing grin. Sam had never liked a girl before. Or at least had never told Dean about it. Although, he had been waiting for the day when he could tell him all about how to get chicks. God knows their father never would.

“Wait, are you saying you have a crush on someone?”

Sam shifted uncomfortably for a moment before nodding, refusing to make eye contact with his grinning brother.

“Well, who is the lucky lady?” He clapped his hands together and repositioned himself a bit on the bed, as if to get ready for the name of the girl in Sam’s poem. “Go on, spill.”

Sam ducked his head and spoke so quietly that Dean almost didn’t hear.

“Jessica. Well, Jess, but her full name is Jessica Moore.”

 

“Oh, cute name. So, tell me about Miss Jessica Moore.”

Sam sighed happily and laid back on his bed.

“She’s...she’s just amazing. She has this beautiful, soft, blonde hair, and it’s curly and just like mom’s was. She’s funny, too. And smart” He looked up at Dean. “Y’know how you have this idea in your head of the perfect person and once you see them, something inside you just clicks? You might not even know that you want them, but then you do, and when you do, you just feel everything at once like a waterfall of good intentions. At that moment, it doesn’t matter what happens next, you’re theirs and you’ll do anything to let them know.”

Dean knew the person that came to his mind as his brother spoke. He didn’t dare admit it to himself. No, those thoughts were to be pushed down. His life was complicated enough.

“Those are some pretty complex emotions for a fourteen year old, don’t you think?”

“Shut up, Dean. You wouldn’t know love if it bit you in the ass. Anyway, I was trying to write a poem for her, but it doesn’t seem to be working.” He sighed and glanced at the crumpled paper in his hand.

“Sorry, bud, but I’m not going to be able to help you there. I was actually trying to write one of my own when you came in. Guess writing doesn’t really run in the family, huh?”

Sam groaned and balled up the paper, throwing it in the trash.

“Guess you’re right.”

“But hey, you can always buy her flowers or...seduce her with that classic Winchester smile.” Dean flashed a grin, obviously demonstrating what he was referring to.

The smaller boy laughed, not persuaded by Dean’s words.

“Well, if nothing else, just talk to her. But don’t try to be who you think she wants. There’s nothing more irritating to a girl than a fuck boy.”

“A what?”

“Sam you’re in highschool now and you haven’t heard of a fuck boy?” Dean sighed dramatically and rubbed his eyes. “A fuck boy, is a type of young gentleman that, well simply put, he’s an asshole. He’ll ask for nudes from a girl he just met, he’ll be a dick to women even though he still lives his mother, and will basically bathe in Axe body spray.” Sam nodded, absorbing the information. “Also, it’s really easy to spot one. If you just relax and don’t try any gimmicks, and if she’s as smart as you say, she’ll like you.”

“That’s what you do?”

Dean laughed.

“That’s the opposite of what I do. Of course, you don’t have all of my devilishly good looks. I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re cute, but you’ll never be Dean Winchester.”

Sam shoved his brother as they both erupted in laughter.

After a bit of wrestling on Sam’s bed, Dean kissed his forehead in an excessively sloppy manner and turned to leave, enjoying the groan from the boy as he attempted to wipe the slobber off of his face. 

“Get to sleep, Sammy. You look tired.” Sam waved him off as he walked out the door and turned out the light.

Dean was confused by a lot of his feelings lately, but he loved Sam more than anything. No matter what happened, the only thing that Dean really cared about was Sam’s safety. There was no question about that.

***

“Just go talk to him.” Castiel set his phone down and went to lie on his bed. He had made twelve versions of the same poem and none of them had come out right. That’s what he had called Dean for, to see what he was writing his about. Unfortunately, Dean had more pressing matters at hand.

Cas looked up at the ceiling and sighed. He would have to present the poem in class, as would everyone, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He could do his on depression or something like that, but he knew it was bound to come out boring and cliched. Instead he decided to follow Mrs. Variz’s advice. She had told them to write about what they were interested in, what consumed their thoughts and what they spent a lot of their time on. Cas knew exactly what he wanted to write about and when he started, he thought it would be easy. As it turned out, he got as tongue tied thinking about Dean as he did talking to him. He needed a break. 

As if on cue, Gabriel burst through the door with a huge grin on his face. Gabe had been working for the last few weeks on an article for work. While he was writing, he spent a lot of time visiting Bobby and Castiel at their house, and sleeping in his old room, as he wasn’t required to be at the office while he worked. Gabriel had told Cas all about this when he arrived, and it wasn’t long before the high school boy had gotten used to him bursting into his room whenever he felt like it. It was the same Gabriel he had known when he was little.

“Gabriel, can I help you?” Castiel didn’t look over as his brother glanced around the room and picked up a crumpled piece of paper from the floor.

“I don’t know. You having some trouble?” He held up the poem and raised his eyebrows.

“Put it down, Gabe, it’s for school.” Cas’ words were pleading but Gabriel paid them no head.

“It’s for a guy.” Then he began to read from the page, being as dramatic as he possibly could.

“He was beauty,

For seven years, in their life,

Was an eternity,

And in the depths of his deep green--”

“Gabriel!” Cas jumped off the bed and threw himself at the man, knocking him down in the process and grabbing the page from his hand. “What the hell is your problem?”

Gabe was a laughing mess underneath him and it was a while before he found the strength to push his brother, who was punching his chest and attempting to knee him in the groin, off of him.

“Jeez, Cassie, calm down. I was joking. I don’t care who you write about.” Castiel stood up with a huff and straightened out his shirt before ripping up the sheet of paper and falling face first on the bed. “Hey, by the way,” Gabriel began. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you hit on guys! Taken you to college parties! You would’ve been a pro by now.”

“Shut up, Gabe! I’m still me and I will still kick you in the nuts.” Gabriel sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“C’mon, I know you’re still you. And I’m not gonna treat you differently, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Castiel turned over and put an arm under his head so he could look at his brother properly.

“Yeah, no, I know. It’s just weird to talk about. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. Not because I’m...y’know, but just’ cuz I’m not supposed to like him. It makes things awkward. Know what I mean?”

“Not exactly, who is it that you like?” Cas blushed a deep crimson color that made Gabriel smirk.

“Oh, uhm, do you--do you remember Dean Winchester? We used to hang out a lot when I was younger.”c

“Dean-O?! I love that kid, he’s hilarious! I always thought he was a bit too rugged for you, though, Cassie.” 

“He’s fine, Gabe. We didn’t talk for a while, which was sad, but I didn’t think too much of it. Now he’s in my English class and we sit right next to each other. He’s awesome to hang out around and we get along really well, but…”

 

“But it makes it harder when you know you can’t have him? Been there, kiddo. There was this girl in my Econ class in college. Man, she was a hottie. But y’know, she was a Kappa, I was a Beta, we were doomed from the start. Our social groups would have never allowed it. Ah, but to be young and in love.” Cas shoved his shoulder lightly.

“Shut it, Gabe, I’m serious.” Gabriel feigned a shocked expression.

“Of course I’m being serious! When am I not serious?” Castiel sighed. “Listen, is he straight?”

“Well, no, he’s bisexual.”

“Then go for it. You know him well enough, you like each other, who says you shouldn’t be happy just ‘cuz you’re shy?”

“I don’t know--”

“Yeah, but I do. If he hates you just for asking, then kick him in the testicles for me. Or better yet, you don’t have to ask him, just write him a poem. I know you’re good at that type of thing. Make sure he reads it loud and clear, alright?”

“Alright. Yeah, I guess I could do that.”

“Damn right, you can. Now get to it.” Gabriel patted Cas’ leg and got up, heading out the door.

“Thanks, Gabe!” He called to his brother.

“Sure thing, lil’ bro.”

***

Friday. Poem day. The criteria was fairly simple. The poem had to be at least four lines long and could not be plagiarized, obviously. Mrs. Variz was taking hands to see who would go first, and a handful of people actually volunteered, which was nice for Castiel, who was dreading the moment where he would have to step up front.

Although they were beautiful, most of the poetry was pretty generic. Some were about dead pets, others about how teenagers are just as mature and respectable as the rest of the world, and a few about the darkness that will inevitably take over all our lives. However, Dean’s was by far Cas’ favorite.

He walked to the front of the room like he owned the place. A gentle smirk taking it’s usual spot under his freckled nose. His eyes shimmered in his skull, casting light over everything they touched. His stature was that of a Greek god, powerful and direct. Dean had nothing to lose, making people hang on his every word simply because he willed it so. When he spoke, everyone could hear the smile on his lips and every other word was pointed at Castiel just out of habit.

“My name is Dean Winchester, I love cool cars,

My Impala to be specific, it sets a high bar,

Long walks on the beach are my thing, 

Also frisky women who like to drink, 

Daddy issues, mommy issues, hell I’ve seen ‘em all, 

So just pick up that phone and give me a call.”

The whole class cheered for his poetry, a term that was used lightly in this case. Although, Mrs. Variz just gave him an annoyed glare.

“Very nice, Dean. Although, I’m not sure I like you advocating for underage drinking.” She said.

Castiel was laughing and congratulated his friend who just shrugged and laughed with him. He was so happy from the light and cheery mood that Dean had put everyone in, that he seemed to forget about his own poem on his desk.

“Cas, you ready?” The teacher sat back in her chair and looked at him expectantly.

“What? Aren’t there other people who still need to go?”

“Nope. Just you, I’m afraid. C’mon, let’s not keep the students waiting.”He nodded and picked up his paper. He remembered what it said. This was Dean’s poem. For Dean. The words would travel through his throat and dance off his lips, plucking every heartstring as they made their way to his boy’s ears. And after Dean had written one about cars and drinking. Castiel felt incredibly stupid. He needed Dean like the sky needed the sun. He was the one that could make the morning appear and hide the rain in the clouds.The green eyes that smiled at him as he composed himself weren’t aware of that at the moment. Still, Cas didn’t have a backup plan so he would have to go through with it.

Cas stood and cleared his throat as Dean gave him a thumbs up. The beating of his heart slowed as he tracked the motion with his eyes. It was as if, when he rounded the corner from his desk to the middle aisle of the room, that time had stopped racing for just a second. It was there, and then it wasn’t. He shook off the thought and continued to face the other students.

Dean knew that Castiel was terrified. There wasn’t much he could do about that. He couldn’t guard him or push him out of the way. He couldn’t clench his fists and scare the anxiety away. Instead he straightened his back and focused on the shaking boy. If nothing else, Dean thought, he would at least let Cas know that he was rooting for him.

Cas cleared his throat before he began to speak.

“Th-this is called ‘Flimsy Lines’ ”

“Go on, Castiel.” He nodded at the black haired woman to the sitting a few feet away from him and looked down at the sheet of binder paper in his hands.

“Would it embarrass you if..i-if I told you I liked you?” His ears were immediately met with cocky teases and slurs that made his stomach flip. He tried to not glance at Dean as he continued.

“I hope not, because that’s not what I mean,  
Behind those three words,  
I  
Like  
You

A myriad of complexities and shades of gray  
That no one could decipher without  
The assistance of the disheveled, unorganized,  
Positively crazy, mess that I am

So I will help you” He kept his eyes shifting from the paper to Dean and only Dean.

“I  
Me, every fiber of my being  
Every dreary Thursday morning,  
Every restless Sunday night,  
Every tear soaked poem I tried  
To force from my fingertips  
Every time I stuttered over my words and had to  
Stop  
I look up at you with childlike, puppy  
Adoration  
And I have to wonder  
Could you see through that?” Realization hit Dean’s face all at once and Castiel had to force himself to keep going.

“Like  
No, wrong word entirely  
I suppose  
You were charming, pleasing  
To be around  
But since then..  
I sit before this piece of lined paper,  
Absolutely speechless  
Not a new thing for me

Perhaps I don’t like you,  
But I need to see you smile.

I yearn to hear that melodical breath and  
Heartbeat  
The scent of the way your green eyes would make the ocean warm-Bring me that horizon, Jack Sparrow  
Sail away with me

I suppose I just need to know that you’re happy” He didn’t dare look up at the boy, sitting at the back desk, now.

“You  
That’s it  
That one word  
Every detail is packed into that single word  
The way you hold yourself  
The way your hands rest carelessly  
In your pockets  
The way you say exactly what you mean  
And I love that because  
I could never do the same

Dear boy, does this help?  
Does this help understand how much  
You consume me?

Do you know

To hurt you would silence my breath and quiet the flow of my mind, wretch my heart from my body  
To know that those green fireflies turned red of my doing  
What a shame to change the flawless pigment of that incredible spark  
Bringing you pain would cast a shadow over me so dark and so absolute, one could only describe  
It as agony  
I cannot, I will not imagine a world in which you were forced out by me  
I don’t like you  
I care for you immensely  
I wouldn’t dare say more than that  
But, perhaps you can read between theses flimsy lines.”

The class was silent for a moment before, apparently, remembering how to clap.

“Wow, Castiel, that was..good.” Mrs. Variz looked surprised. She, incidentally, was unaware of the fact that, although it was a quiet one, Castiel had a voice too. A strong voice that would have led nations in another life.

“Thank you.” He handed the paper to her and sat down, keeping his eyes glued to the desk. Mrs. Variz had gathered all of the poems and was about to put them in a drawer in her desk when she stopped herself.

“Shit, I forgot to hand these back. Well, now’s a good time as any.” She made her way around the room handing out sheets of paper with notes that she had scribbled on them. “These are your grades from the test you took a few weeks ago .” She put them down on their desks face down and she was just about done when the bell rang. “Don’t forget to read for at least thirty minutes tonight. That’s everyday homework, like anyone’s going to take that seriously, though.” She called as the students made their way out the door.

Castiel was the first one out. He didn’t want to face Dean. Not after he had just revealed everything to the entire class. Dean let him go. He didn’t know what to say and he knew when to let Cas have some space. This was one of those times. It wasn’t until later that weekend that he had had enough. He thought he’d start with something small like texting. 

D: Hey, I didn't get to talk to you after school on friday.

C: Yeah.

D: We didn't get to compare test grades ;)

C: Oh, you remembered. I didn't think you would. What did you get?

D: 91. Gotta be pretty hard to beat, Novak.

C: 94. Although I am impressed..Winchester 

D: You know I only got that cuz you pushed me. 

C: I didn't write that essay, Dean

D: Yeah, but I couldn't write anything like that poem Cas

There was a long silence. No buzzing to notify a message, just Cas staring at the screen of his cell phone. He didn't want to think about that poem. He wanted to press pause on life until he could deal with the rejection, although, he knew that time would never come.

D: Cas?

C: Yeah?

D: It was really good.

C: Did you understand it?

D: Yeah..I did.

D: You wanna come over? We could talk?

C: Sure be right there.

Within fifteen minutes, Dean heard a knock on his door and opened it, a small smile on his face.

"Hey, Cassie, c'mon let's go to my room. Sam's in the living room." He motioned for Cas to follow him upstairs. 

Once they were in Dean's room, things became a bit less awkward. This picture had been acted out so many times before. The two of them, sitting cross legged on Dean's bed, facing one another. They were never short on things to think about, but conveying those thoughts to the person opposite them was a different task. 

"I really liked it." Dean spoke softly, as if trying to calm a small animal. Castiel wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"Yeah, thanks, Dean. Sorry if I embarrassed you. I just..I don't know, I couldn't say it to your face. Not like this." He started to fidget with his sleeves and wasn't even looking at his friend anymore.

Dean laughed.

"You didn't embarrass me."

"Thanks."

"Cas, I asked you over, because I wanted to say that you shouldn't feel awkward. I totally under--"

"Dean, stop. What am I doing here? You obviously don't feel the same about me, and to kid ourselves that things can be the way they were, is insulting. If ending our friendship is the only way that I can stop this endless pining, then I'll take it." Cad began to get off of the bed and move to the door. "I'll see you at school."

"Cas, wait one goddamn minute!" Castiel turned back, surprised. "Why must you always insist on making things as dramatic as they can possibly be?! I'm sick of that! You don't understand when someone cares about you and then-- you feel lonely when you don't let anyone into your life! Lighten up and sit your ass back down!" 

If from nothing else, Cas' fear put him back in his previous position.

"Thank you. Now, if you would like to have an adult conversation about this, I would be happy to. I like you, Cas. You've been my friend for years and you're pretty easy on the eyes. I'd be insane not to feel something. And that poem, that poem just shattered everything I ever thought I knew about you. I'm stupid. I didn't see that you were..struggling with this and I was selfish about it. I'm sorry." Dean's face was truly remorseful, although, for what Cas wasn't sure. Still, he let him finish. "I wanna take you to dinner. We can talk about this more." 

Castiel looked at him incredulously. 

"You wanna take me to dinner? A-as in a date?"

"As in a date."

"Uhm, yeah, that would be fine. " He bit his lip and caught Dean's gaze before having to turn away.

"Great, how's next weekend?"

"Sounds perfect." 

Not long after, Cas and Dean said their goodbyes and Cas walked home. He strolled happily through the door, past Bobby and Gabriel, ignoring his older brother's comments on his idiotic grin and up to his room. Cas tore off his shirt, paying no attention to the scars that usually made his stomach churn, and laid on his bed.

"Dean Winchester. I have a date, with Dean Winchester." He sighed and before long, he drifted into sleep. It had been a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS PLEASE!!!! Also kudos are appreciated. Thanks!


	7. Filler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Im really sorry I haven't updated in a while. School's been a bitch and I haven't had time. I realize that's no excuse, especially since this chapter is pretty short. Honestly I just wanted to get something out before people gave up hope, not that anyone actually reads this but anyway, here it is.

Castiel woke up that Saturday morning with mixed emotions. Today was the day that he and Dean had agreed to go out for the first time. Cas was unbelievably ecstatic. Although, that also meant that he had to think of something to do until Dean picked him up at eight, twelve hours later.

 

It wasn’t his fault that he had gotten up so early. Every morning, from the time that he and his brother were little, Gabriel would charge into his room at nine in the morning and promptly begin jumping on his bed and punching his arms. Castiel had learned to adapt.

 

He looked around his room, rubbing his eyes and attempted to figure out what to do with himself. Under any other circumstance, he might’ve texted Dean and asked to hang out. However, it was obvious why he couldn’t do that now. Instead he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and texted his friend, Charlie.

 

CN: Hey, I need your help today.

 

CB:  Sure thing, bud. With what?

 

Castiel had been talking to Charlie about Dean ever since they became friends. Even if in the earlier years, Cas hadn’t fully developed a crush yet, Dean still consumed his thoughts. Of course, Charlie had sensed it from the very beginning, and so when Cas had finally come out to her and said everything he had been feeling for a while, she was hardly surprised.

 

CN:  I have a date with Dean tonight and I need help.

 

CB: Cas, it’s eight in the morning.

 

CN: Well what the hell am I supposed to do with myself? He’s an amazing hot guy!

 

CB: You know that’s not really my area of expertise right?

 

Charlie was a lesbian.

 

CN: Dammit Charlie I swear to God! Just get your red headed ass over here!

 

CB: Alright, alright..sheesh..

 

Within a half an hour, Charlie was lying on Castiel’s bed, while the nervous boy was pacing on the floor.

 

“You have time. You know that, right?”

 

“Of course I have time!” Cas snapped. “That’s the issue! More time, means more time for Dean to call and cancel. It means more time for worrying about what to wear. TIme for wondering if he just did this to make me feel better.” Before long, Castiel was hyperventilating. He knew he was overreacting but couldn’t seem to help the words pouring out of his mouth.

 

Charlie sat up and made sure Cas was looking her right in the eyes before she spoke.

 

“Cas! Calm the fuck down, would you? You have more than eleven hours before Dean comes to pick you up. So, until then, what we’re going to do is settle down, go get some breakfast, come back and play video games for a few hours, and then I’m gonna help you get ready, alright?”

 

Cas bit his lip and slowly nodded. It was then that he started to calm down. If anyone could get him to stop and think things out, it was Charlie. Or Dean, but that was another story.

 

With that, the two hugged and walked out of Cas’s room. They headed into town and spent the rest of the morning window-shopping and talking about everything from books to politics. They mostly had the same views on every subject but still managed to find something they could disagree on. The arguments were never big and always ending in Castiel conceding. They still loved each other, though. Castiel knew that if he wanted to, he definitely could hold his own in a fight against Charlie. But, fighting back meant both of them getting angry and he never wanted Charlie to be angry at him, especially because of something that didn’t mean anything to either of them.

 

Now it was six thirty. Cas and Charlie had gotten back to Cas’ house and had gone over everything they thought he needed to know, such as what he should wear and if he should use a condom or not. Castiel smacked his friend’s arm as she muttered the last part and they both took a few minutes to laugh about the slight awkwardness of the situation.

 

“I am never having sex. Ever.” Cas laughed as he saw Charlie’s shocked expression.

 

“You say that now, but just wait until you see Dean holding nothing but a cowboy hat in front of those legendary Winchester genitals.” Castiel cringes and covers his face with a pillow. Charlie simply gives him a proud smirk.

 

“Oh my god, Red! Keep it PG, would you?”

 

“Red? You haven’t called me Red in years.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Well, I like it. So suck it up. And--just don’t talk about Dean’s genitals. Please.”

 

“All I’m saying, is you’re attracted to him, so why wouldn’t you ever act on it if you had the chance?”

 

Castiel blushed. This was a territory he had never really entered before.

 

“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to...I just am not all that comfortable with myself.” The flame-haired girl beside him rubbed his shoulder, making him tense slightly.

 

“Aw, Cassie. Are you telling me you’re embarrassed of your body?” Cas looked down. She didn’t know how right she was. “Dude, that is ridiculous. You’re hot. Not that I swing that way, but I can tell anyway.” She gave him a reassuring smile and patted his back.

 

“Thanks, Charlie. But it’s not like I need to worry about that right now, anyway.” Cas laughed a bit before moving off the bed and to the closet. “That still leaves one question.” He opened his closet door. “What to wear?”

 

***

 

Dean picked him up at 8:09 at night. By 8:06, Castiel was already back to panicking and pacing in front of the door. Charlie had agreed to stay with him under the negotiation that once Cas had left, she could stay there up until and including the next morning.

 

When Dean finally knocked on the door, Castiel answered it before six seconds had passed.

 

“Hey is Cas--Oh, well, hello Cassie. I was expecting your uncle or Gabriel. But you’re just fine too. You look great” Dean flashed that classic smile that rendered Castiel absolutely helpless.

 

“Hello, Dean. Y-You look very nice, as well.” He blushed immensely at his own words and mentally kicked himself for being so awkward.

 

“Thanks, you ready to go?” Dean was so casual. Everything was so natural with him. How many times had he done this before? Castiel wondered. Am I just another name on a long list? He shook the thought away. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about anything other than the night in front of them.

 

“Yes, I’m ready.” He stepped out of his house without saying goodbye to his friend. It was alright. She didn’t mind. She knew that this meant more to Cas than he thought it did.


	8. First Date

 

The Impala was nice. Comfortable, even. It was warm and cozy and smelled like Dean. Or, to be more precise, Dean smelled like the Impala. Castiel felt as though he could bury himself in the aroma forever, curl up in the welcoming leather and lets his fears slip away. For now, however, he had to sit up straight and keep his eyes off of Dean’s silhouette.

 

The hum of the heater kept things from getting too quiet. Cas didn’t know what he was supposed to say. He was wracking his brain for something with which to start a conversation. What made it worse was Dean’s expression. He couldn’t have seemed more calm. It was like they had been together for years and tonight was just a regular outing for the two of them. Castiel wondered if maybe Dean didn’t care. If it didn’t matter to him if they went out or not. The thought made his heart crumble and he slumped in his seat a bit. If Dean didn’t want him, there was nothing he could do about it.

 

“You okay over there, Blue Eyes?” Dean took a second to glance at the boy next to him. “You look a little bummed.”

 

“No, I’m alright.” Dean caught the nervous motion of Cas, biting his lip and picking at a loose string on his sweater.

 

“You sure? I’ve known you for nine years, I deserve a bit more of an explanation.” He gave the boy next to him a knowing smirk before turning his eyes back to the road.

 

Castiel sighed and leaned his head against the window.

 

“That’s my problem.”

 

“Problem? Why?”

 

Cas sat up and looked at Dean. He was being a bit dramatic about a simple date, but he was just so anxious. He didn’t want his friend to get frustrated with him, so he forced himself to articulate his thoughts.

 

“We’ve known each other for nine years. Been friends for nine years. What if we go on this date, we find out we don’t like each other, and you never want to talk to me again?”

 

Dean didn’t know what to do. He had never expected that something as small as this, would bring Cas so much stress. Dean had been on a million dates before, so he knew they were nothing to get worked up over. Still, even he could see where  the boy was coming from. His palms had gotten clammy just from the ride up to his house. Dean didn’t want to screw this up either. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure what he was feeling towards Castiel, but he definitely didn’t want to hurt him. He needed to calm him down.

 

“Cas. I’m always gonna wanna talk to you. If we decide we don’t want a relationship, things will just go back to normal. You’re always gonna be my friend. Maybe more if we decide so, but I’m never going to cut you out, not again.” Dean clenched his hands around the steering wheel, his mind going back to the years where he and Castiel barely talked at all to one another. It wasn’t something he wanted to repeat.

 

Castiel mulled this over a bit before nodding.

 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t want to be this nervous. You just have that effect on me.”

 

“S’Alright. Everyone needs help sometimes. Everyone has fears. Doesn’t make us any less than what we are.”

 

It was a few more minutes of driving, the tension in the car had subsided significantly, and they pulled into the parking lot of a small diner. When they walked in, it was like greeting an old friend. Castiel and Dean had been coming here together for years, when they were younger and all the way up to two years before. Ellen came and greeted them with a large grin plastered on her face and showed them to a booth near a window before grabbing her pen and pad to take their orders.

 

“Well, hey, fella’s. What can I get you?”

 

Ellen was Cas’s surrogate mother, although he would never say that out loud. She was kind and endearing and just strict enough to offer some sort of guidance in his otherwise female-less life. Of course, Bobby created a very nice home environment, but Ellen offered a sort of soft, matronly comfort that his uncle just couldn’t match.

 

Ellen, for Dean, was a different experience. She was, of course, like family to both of them, but there was subtle difference. Where she was gentle and patient with Cas, she was expectant and at times a bit harsh with Dean. Well, to Cas it would be considered harsh. Ellen knew about Castiel. She knew about his history, about what situations made him uncomfortable, and she suspected that there was a purpose to having his wardrobe filled with mostly long sleeves, even in the summer. Nothing ever got passed Ellen. The woman tried as much as she could to keep him comfortable and happy, and if that meant coddling him a bit, well, she could do that.

 

Dean, however, emotionally scarred as he was, grew up tougher. He grew smart and intuitive and Ellen wasn’t one for underestimating people she loved. So, she pushed him. And forced him into things he wouldn’t otherwise have tried. Dean was sure everything she did made him stronger in some way. He was also sure that while it would have been nice to be treated so motherly and kind by her, Cas needed someone just for him. And, Dean was okay with that.

 

Dean was the first to speak.

 

“The usual, Ellen.” Ellen stared at him and rested her hands on her hips.

 

“What was that, son?”

 

“E-Excuse me?” Dean glanced at Cas before back to the woman in front of him.

 

“Boy, did I or did I not watch you grow up to be an ill-mannered, disrespectful son-of-a-gun, who can’t even be bothered with the most simple manners?”

 

Dean sighed and looked down at his hands, a small smirk played at the corner of his mouth.

 

“You did not.”

 

“Bet your ass, I didn’t. Now, you wanna rephrase that, young man?” She gave him an expectant look.

 

“May I please have my usual, ma’am?” The boy smiled up at her as she nodded and wrote it down. The usual, for Dean, consisted of a cheeseburger, french fries and a large soda.

 

“Of course. And for you, sugar?” Her gaze suddenly softened as she turned to Castiel.

 

“Oh, uhm, I-I’ll just have what Dean’s getting, I guess. Please.” He tacked on the last part, not wanting to offend Ellen as Dean had, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“Sweetheart, don’t be so shy. I know what you like, I’ll just bring that. Sound okay?” Castiel huffed a small breath of relief and nodded.

 

“That would be lovely. Thank you, Ellen.”

 

She nodded again before disappearing into the kitchen.

 

“I love her,” Castiel practically whispered as he pulled on his sleeves.

 

“Me, too. I’ve never been so terrified in the presence of a human being, but, I’ve also never respected someone more.” He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.

 

“Remember that Halloween, when we went trick-or-treating and came back here to trade candy? And she took all of it and put it in the kitchen so we wouldn’t get sick?”

 

“Damn right, I do. I even thought she would cave when you gave her that look but she has the willpower of a warrior.”

 

Castiel smirked and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table.

 

“You wanna know a secret? when you went to the bathroom, she came out and gave me two Hershey’s Kisses.”

 

“Excuse me? That little--gah. I can’t say anything about that glorious woman.” He looked toward the kitchen and smiled.

 

“She told me to share with you when you got out but you had called me stupid before you left and I just didn’t think you deserved it.”

 

Dean simply smirked at his friend and cocked his head.

 

“She told you to give me a kiss, huh?”

 

Castiel blushed crimson and he sat up straight.

 

“Well, it wasn’t like--I mean not really but-”

 

“Cas, relax, I’m joking. I mean, it is kinda epic that Ellen Harvelle ships us, but, whatever.”

 

“Dean, about that,” Cas began. “I...you still haven’t told me how you feel. I mean, I don’t want to pressure you, but I also can’t keep going like this.”

 

Dean nodded in understanding. Cas had been waiting patiently for years and doing this to him, wasn’t fair.

 

“Alright. Alright, you deserve an answer.”

 

It was the first time in a while that Dean Winchester had actually been nervous. He rubbed his hands on his pants and nodded, mentally preparing himself, although he knew not what for. He wanted Castiel. A lot. It wasn’t like it was a few years ago. A few years ago, he was so conflicted about his sexuality. If he was being honest with himself, that was why he pushed Cas away.He didn’t need a pair of bright blue eyes and pale skin to make him even more confused.

 

Now, however, he was sure of himself, and of what he wanted. He wanted Castiel. His Castiel. Yet, he didn’t want to hurt him either. This boy was giving himself over to Dean so willingly that Dean was scared. If he screwed this up, if he left Castiel alone and afraid again, he would never be able to forgive himself.

 

“I think, I really like you. I-I think I want to be with you. For real. I want to hold your hand and kiss you during lunch and whisper silly things to you during class. I want you, and, and I think I always had you. Not that I-I owned you, or anything, I just mean--what I mean is--I think we’ve always been right for each other. I need you, Cas. And I hope you haven’t gotten too fed up with me, because I’d really like something between us.”

 

As he was confident that he had made a good impression, Dean nodded and gave Castiel a small smile.

 

“Dean that’s, that’s wonderful. I’m so glad you feel that way.” Everything on Castiel’s face said this wasn’t going well, and everything on Dean’s face told Cas how worried he was. “However, you’re so, vibrant. Everyone who meets you, loves you. What if people see you with me, and think differently of you?”

 

The green eyed boy shook his head. Leave it to Cas to make every little thing so incredibly dramatic. It was like everything in him rejected all forms of possible happiness and Dean was tired of it. He just wanted his boy back.

 

“Jesus Christ, Cas, do I look like I give a crap what people think of me? As long as no one touches you, or does anything to make you feel like you’re not worth as much as you are, I am perfectly happy to spend every minute that you’ll have me, in your arms. If anyone has a problem with that, they can go f--”

 

“Dean Winchester you close that sinner mouth of yours before I chase you outta my establishment with a wooden spoon!”

 

The boys looked around to see Ellen scowling at them from the diner bar. They shared a slightly tense laugh and brushed it off. Not that it was weird for Ellen to interject at profanity, but if she heard him then, she had heard their whole conversation. And her enormous grin was not doing her any favors. Together, they made a silent agreement to stop forcing their interactions to be difficult or awkward. Instead, it was time to revert to their trick-or-treating days when it was so simple just to exist in silence with one another.

 

It wasn’t long after Ellen’s surprise appearance in their conversation, that she brought them their food. The usual for Dean, and a salad for Castiel. When Dean saw this, he scoffed and said,

 

“God, my brother loves people like you.” To which Cas replied,

 

“At least I’m going to live to see your brothers grand kids.” Both snickered.

 

Throughout the course of their meal, they laughed at nearly everything the other person said. Mostly they talk about their past. The memories they missed so dearly, and the feeling of being close again. It was amazing how comfortable they became with each other all at once, not that they minded.

 

***

 

When it was time to leave, Dean moved to pay the check when Ellen waved them off with a smile. They thanked her and began the drive to Castiel’s house.

 

The drive was passed with a mutual sense of serenity and comfort. Every now and then, one of the boys would glance at the other until they locked eyes and shared a small smile. There wasn’t much in the way of conversation, either. Castiel was too excited and flushed to even think in proper sentences and Dean, Dean was brimming with pride. He hadn’t expected himself to be so coherent while facing, head-on, one of his biggest insecurities, rejection. However, they had made it through the night, and each had something to show for it.

 

Dean, though Castiel had expected it, was a perfect gentleman, to the point of walking Cas right to his door at the end of the night.

 

“Thank you, for tonight, Dean. It was lovely. You’re..you’re lovely.”

 

Dean blushed and bowed his head as he slipped his hands into his pockets.

 

“I’m glad we worked this out.” He knew the reply sounded a bit robotic, but he was nervous. Cas could only laugh.

 

“Dean, this isn’t a business meeting. I really had fun.”

 

The Winchester boy smiled softly at Cas and nodded at him. It was then that they reached a lull in their conversation. The boys looked at the ground, at the front door, at the sky. They avoided each other’s eye contact at all cost, until, after quite some time, Dean spoke.

 

“One thing, though. You can’t be scared to talk to me anymore. If we’re gonna do this, it’s mandatory that we share some form of verbal communication.” They both shared a laugh and Castiel nodded.

 

“Deal.”

 

Like something just happened to click, simultaneously, in both of their minds, the boys shifted their weight and leaned close to one another.

 

Castiel could feel Dean’s breath on his lips and he forced himself to look away from the captivating eyes in front of him, to gaze at the stars above them.

 

The stars didn’t move, they didn’t shift or change. They wouldn’t leave him when he wasn’t looking. Perhaps, that’s what he needed right now. He needed certainty and stability. Dean was the strongest person he knew. If someone like the man in front of Castiel wanted him, Cas wasn’t going to fight it. Maybe, like the stars plastered in the sky, Dean would keep him still, safe. Of course, there’s no reason for that to be the case, but the similarity between the constellation’s glimmer, and the sparkle in his love’s eyes, made Cas pretty sure of himself.

 

As Dean brushed his lips across Castiel’s, something flashed through his vision. Like the sun had come down from the sky to greet him personally. And it was blinding, and hot, and it humbled him. In that moment, he fought every urge inside of him telling him to grab Cas and take him for his own. Instead, he kept the intimate exchange simple and chaste and smiled as he pulled away.

 

“I’ll pick you up for school, tomorrow?” Dean seem genuinely enthusiastic about waking up earlier to get to Castiel. The thought made Cas smile.

 

“Okay, I’ll be here.” He smiled as he opened the door to his house. They waved one last time when Dean got into his car, before Castiel headed inside. He slumped against the door, a huge grin stuck on his face and sank to the floor.

  
“So,” Charlie started from where she was seated in the living room. “How’d it go?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, like always. Not that anyone is reading anyway. And I have figured out that being sick actually makes me more productive. Im quite surprised. It gives me more time to get things done and that's how I finally finished this chapter. Also, what makes me more motivated are comments! The make me so happy and without them I feel like no one is reading so please. If you have any thoughts or just want to do me a favor, COMMENT!!


	9. Well, almost.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I'm horrible. I haven't updated in months and you can scream at me....after this chapter, though. Not a lot of Cas in this one, although I think it works anyway. I just wanted to get the relationship between Dean and his best bud, Benny going, before I continued with the rest of the story. So, just a little introduction to Dean's best friend. Up until now, we don't really mention Benny, but I really like him and his relationship with Dean. So..there ya go! Hope you like it! *fingers crossed*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So..I don't have a beta, yet. Anyone up for the job?

 

_ The dream starts. Black, swirling confusion, followed by an immediate sense of urgency. Castiel is with his mother. The image is tender and sweet and primal. He clings to her arms with more desperation than he’s ever felt before.  He can’t see her face, or hear her voice, but he knows it’s her. Castiel always knows his mother in these dreams. Suddenly, she’s tearing out of his grip. He cries and begs her to stop, clawing at her dress, seeking her embrace. In another second, she’s gone, Castiel is alone. _

 

Castiel woke up, breathing hard with tears rolling down his cheeks. He hugged his knees to his chest and sobbed quietly, trying to keep from waking Charlie, who was sleeping peacefully on the floor of his bedroom. He looked at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 6:08. Twenty-two minutes before the buzzer would sound.  _ Shit,  _ Castiel thought. He removed himself from his fortress of blankets and stood, making his way to the bathroom. As he turned on the light, he winced. It was bright and his reflection in the mirror did not help matters. The boy grumbled and pulled his shirt over his unruly black hair. 

 

Now, Castiel wasn’t a squeamish boy, not in the slightest. Still, whenever he would uncover the jagged, red and white terrain of his arms and torso, he had no choice but to look away for a moment. Cas rubbed his hands over the scars, biting his lip. He had time, he was going to take a shower anyway, nothing was stopping him from reaching into the drawer to his left and grabbing the small jack knife that lay inside of it.

 

Castiel opened it for a moment and looked to where Charlie was sleeping in the next room. With a shake of his head, he shucked off his boxers and stepped into the shower.

 

A funny thing happens once you’ve had an addiction for a while. The way Castiel’s eyes used to fill with tears at the feel of the blade on his skin, and the way his hands would shake as he wiped the drying blood from his arms, now seems silly to him. In his mind, if he could keep his emotions contained inside him now, it made no sense why he couldn’t do it then. Though, now his skin was marred and misshapen. His wrists, spoiled and scarred. The very thought of mutilating one’s self as a coping mechanism, to him, was as normal an idea as getting therapy. This one cost less.

 

The shower was quick and hurried, just as Castiel preferred them. He didn’t like the ten minute horror show in which he was forced to stare at and touch and focus on his mistakes. However, when he stepped out, the images he had retained from last night, popped into his head. He smiled. Cas would see Dean today. Cas would be in Dean’s car today. Cas would get to look at Dean’s lips and know that he had had them. Dean was his, and today would be a good day.

 

When Castiel walked back into his room, Charlie was still as asleep as when he’d left. Her hair was covering her face and her body looked as though it would never move again. Cas smiled at the sight as he began to dress himself. 

 

At 6:30, Cas gently shook Charlie’s shoulder.

 

“Dude, get up.” Charlie only grumbled in response and turned away from him.

 

Castiel huffed and walked around to her other side and kneeled next to her.

 

At 6:31, Castiel looked up from his place on the floor and noticed his calendar on the wall. It was Sunday. Dean wasn’t coming today. Cas wouldn’t see him today. Today was turning out shit, so far. With a loud groan he rose to a standing position and proceeded to flop face down on his bed, as if he could get back to sleep anyway. 

 

As of right now, he had three options. He could piss off Charlie so much that she finally awoke and chased him out of the room, he could go back into the bathroom and take his chances with the jack knife, or he could stay right here and think up ideas for a Halloween costume. Thankfully, he went with the costume option. This is how he would pass the next four hours until his friend woke up.

 

***

 

Dean awoke that morning with a smile on his lips and a knot in his neck. He sat up, groaning, and rubbed his eyes. Last night had been amazing, the boy he had been pining over for two years was now his. Not to mention he had captured Castiel’s lips in a kiss that Dean was sure had been the boy’s first. That did something to him. Knowing that not only did he trick someone into becoming his boyfriend, but that someone had willingly given their very first experience of that area to him. The trust and certainty that had been in Cas’ eyes when their lips touched was nothing short of incredible. Dean wasn’t about to betray that. It was the perfect combination of contentment and pure bliss to counter whatever Dean’s father had in store that morning. He hadn’t been home lately. Out at bars or on “business” trips that would last for days at a time.  _ But, whatever,  _ Dean thought. he’ll be gone again by tonight anyway. It wasn’t worth it to get angry.

 

Dean stepped out of his bedroom and walked into the kitchen. From this angle he could see the foot of his unconscious father as he lay passed out on the couch.  _ Great, he’s home again. Well, at least he can’t fuck with me today,  _ Dean thought. He quietly poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table. His father the began to gurgle and stir as he rose from the sofa.  _ Damn, spoke too soon. _ Dean didn’t look up. He kept his eyes plastered on the kitchen sink in front of him. Maybe if he stayed still, his father wouldn’t see him.

 

“Dean,” His father greeted, as he passed him, grabbing a beer from the refrigerator.

 

“Hey.” Dean tried to sound at least halfway enthusiastic, and he was grateful that his dad was too hungover to care about the thick sarcasm lacing the greeting.

 

“Where were you last night? Got some bitch you ain’t told me about, yet?” Dean’s hand clenched around his spoon. John, his dad, couldn’t have meant Castiel, nowhere close. But that didn’t mean it didn’t anger him to no end.

 

“Nah, out with friends.”

 

John grumbled in response and sat down at the small round table with Dean. The rest of breakfast was silent, not that Dean wanted conversation. His father absentmindedly sipped at his drink until it was finished. About that same time, Dean stood and set his bowl and spoon in the sink. Some days would be like this. Quiet, tense, and last for what seemed like hours. Not long after, the youngest Winchester stepped out of his room and made his way to the kitchen. 

 

“Mornin’, Sammy.” Dean grinned teasingly at his little brother but quickly lowered his voice when John sent a glare his way.  _ Hungover. Right. _ The green eyed boy ruffled Sam’s hair and stood again, retrieving a bowl and spoon and fixing breakfast for him. Sam smiled his thanks and started eating. 

 

Dean hadn’t been home last night, obviously, but his father had. This meant trouble for Sam. When Dean came in his room last night to check on him, he found Sam with a bloody nose and split lip. Silently cursing himself, Dean had cleaned him up and helped him to bed. It wasn’t anything close to the horrors he had suffered before at the hands of their father, but this was his brother. This was Sam. 

 

John glanced up at the small boy as he started to eat.

 

“What happened to you, boy?” Dean rolled his eyes. He wasn’t about to correct his father, but it still pissed him of that the man couldn’t even remember how he treated his own son.

 

“School fight,” Sam answered without looking up. Although it sickened Dean that his brother had this behavior trained into him, he couldn't help but feel a little pride. Like how Sam was just smart enough to  _ know _ when to keep his mouth shut. He'd learned from Dean, no doubt.

 

“And you let some dumb punk lay a hand on you?” His father spoke up. “You shoulda beat their ass before they even got to you. I didn't raise no weak ass pussy.” He grumbles and takes another swig of his beer.

 

“It won't happen again, sir,” Sam replied, knowing full well that it probably would. Dean chuckled to himself and shook his head, nodding as their father walked out of the kitchen and back into the livingroom.

 

“You ever gonna tell him?” Dean asked, although he knew full well the answer.

 

“Are  _ you  _ ever gonna tell him?” His little brother didn't even look up as he spoke. 

 

Dean nodded in understanding. It wouldn't have changed anything if they had told him. It would just be awkward. They didn't need that on top of everything. He took a quick glance at the clock on the wall. It was 11:30. All he wanted to do today was be with Cas. His boy. But that wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t push his luck with the blue eyed miracle. Maybe he’d call Benny. That seemed like a good idea. Benny was always free. He wasn’t the type of person to exclude people from his plans which meant he was a perfect back up. Not to mention Dean’s best friend.

 

As soon as Sam finished eating, Dean cleaned his bowl and spoon and ruffled his hair as the boy walked back to his room. Dean pulled out his phone and texted his friend.

 

**DW:** Hey, man, wanna hang?

 

It was only a few minutes later that Benny responded. Benny Lafitte was big. Not overweight, just large, muscular. He and his family had moved from Louisiana about a year before, giving him a thick accent and a permanent sense of instability in his life. Dean knew they were friends, knew that Benny loved him like a brother, so it didn’t bother him whenever the man tried to distance himself. Dean knew that he was Benny’s closest friend.

 

**BL:** Whatever, I’ll be here.

 

Dean smiled as he read the text. ‘Here’ was Benny’s house, about a fifteen minute ride away from his own and Dean nodded to himself. He quickly got a shower and dressed, telling Sam to lock his door before grabbing his keys and heading out.

 

***

 

Benny’s house was dark. In color, in essence. The dry grass on the lawn hadn’t moved or been touched since Dean had first come here. The windows were large, but crusted in dust and cobwebs from disuse, and between them was a tall, maroon colored, wooden door, left open so Dean could come right in.

 

“Dean Winchester,” Benny greeted with a smile as he walked from the kitchen to the living room with a beer in hand and leaned against the door frame. “Haven’t seen you around, lately.”

 

It was true. Since school, Dean hadn’t had much time for anyone. He felt bad and shook his head as he sat down on the brown loveseat to the immediate right of the door.

 

“Yeah, sorry, man. I’ve been busy.”

 

“I’ve noticed,” Benny mused.

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“You think I haven’t seen you with that old friend of yours? You’re like a little puppy who’s found his lost toy.”

 

Dean huffed a small laugh and looked down.

 

“I believe that’s my boyfriend, you’re referring to.” He smiled as he remembered their kiss on Cas’ front steps before he had rushed inside. “We got together last night.”

 

“ _ Boyfriend?  _ Already? Jesus, he must have been an amazing fuck, huh?” Benny chuckled, taking a swig of his beer.

 

“Benny, “ Dean warned. “It’s not like that. We didn’t do anything, it was just a kiss.”

 

“Still,” Benny shrugged. “It’s a little fast. Even for you.”

 

“We’ve been hanging out a lot more than you think. He’s one of my best friends.”

 

“Hey- Watch it,” he joked. Dean smiled.

 

“I honestly don’t know what it is. Like there’s just something in him that I want to..” Dean chuckled. “Whatever, I probably sound like a chick.” 

 

Benny smiled and nudged Dean’s foot with his own. 

 

“No, go on. Tell me about the little sweetheart.” Dean chuckled at his friend’s words.

 

“Ever since high school started, I don’t know, he’s just gotten kinda timid. Like he used to be so loud and kind of annoying.” He smiles. “Lately, he just looks at me like he expects me to leave. Like..if he doesn’t prove himself, I’m going to get tired of him. He’s been my friend for years, I don’t know why he thinks it’ll change now. I just want to protect him from his thoughts, I guess. I want to prove him wrong. I want to make him happy.” He pulled at the hem of his shirt, anything to distract him from Benny’s gaze.

 

“Make him happy? Dean, that boy adores you.  _ I  _ could see that. He’s like a little kid when it comes to you. He’ll be happy with you,  _ that _ I know. I mean, I’ve seen him around, I know what you mean. He seems cool. And I know that you two used to be close for a while, there. What happened?”

 

Dean shrugged.

 

“I guess..he knew who he was. I knew who he was. I just didn’t know who  _ I  _ was. I needed to figure that out without using him. Do you mind if I get personal, for a second?”

 

“I ain’t gonna stop you. “

 

“Okay. You know I’m bi. Everyone knows I’m bi. It’s not a big thing, to me. Not now, at least. Back then, in middle and high school, I didn’t really know what I was feeling. Hell, during freshman and sophomore year, I hooked up with so many people, boy and girl, I can’t even remember some of their faces. You know, you were right there with me.” Benny laughed, full of pride.

 

“Yeah, we both made out with the entire cheerleading team, at least twice.” Dean shared his smile.

 

“Exactly. I was...confused. I just wanted to figure out what I felt. Who I liked, what made me happy. I liked Cas. But even then, I knew what was happening. I knew that if I stayed around him, he was just going to turn into another faceless hook up. I cared about him, he was my friend. I didn’t want to to hurt him. Didn’t want to treat him like he was nothing.”

 

“I guess I understand that. Why does that matter now, though? You’re with him, he’s with you, everything should be dandy.”

 

“He doesn’t know what happened. He thinks I just..got tired of him. Now, he doesn’t trust me, I can feel it. Sometimes I’ll catch him looking at me like I’ll leave if he looks away. I would be creeped out by it, but I get it. I missed him. I don’t want him to leave, either, but I don’t think he will. I don’t expect him to. I don’t know what’s up with him, lately.”

 

“It’s not that difficult. You were quite the whore there, for a while.” Benny stretched and yawned.

 

“Well, fuck you, very much.” Dean chuckled.

 

“I’m serious. You weren’t exactly saving yourself. Cas probably doesn’t know if he’s just another one of your one night fucks. If I were him, I’d feel uneasy, too.”

 

Dean sighed and nodded.

 

“I guess that makes sense. I just wish he’d trust me when I tell him how much I like him. And I like him a lot.”

 

“Jeez, I mean you only had one date with the boy, last night. Did it really go that well?”

 

“It’s not just the date. We used to be really close, when we were younger. And we text all the time. Believe me, Benny. I know this kid as well as I know you.” Benny raised an eyebrow. “Well, almost.” They both shared a smile.

 

“Well then I support you. I’d like to meet him, though. Make sure he’s not after you for your body or some shit.” Dean laughed.

 

“I can promise you, that’s not an issue.”

 

“I know it’s not, brother. That kid likes you for you. And that’s more than I can say for any girl or guy you’ve brought home.” Dean scoffed at his friend.

 

“Brought home? Benny, you sound like my mom.”

 

“I’m just saying,” Benny said as he smiled. “I’m glad he knows you. He seems like he cares. You deserve someone who  _ really _ likes you.”

 

Dean tried to hide his smile but it was evident how happy he was at Benny’s words. 

 

“I..I know he likes me. I’m glad he does. He just doesn’t seem to like himself that much, which is ridiculous, because he’s amazing. Whatever, one day I’ll make him see what he is. He’ll be happy. With me, and himself.”

 

“Well,” Benny started. “That is a very noble cause, my friend.” He sat down across from Dean on the couch. “Hey, do you remember that time that Lisa tried to hit on both of us at once?” Dean laughed out loud.

 

“Oh yes, I do. It was like she couldn’t make up her mind. She’d be talking to me, one second and then showing her ass off to you, the next.”

 

“And what’s worse, is that she left thinking that it worked.” 

 

“Dude, she absolutely  _ hates _ Cas.” Dean laughed more as Benny tried to contain his, to no avail. “Once, he and I were talking after school in the parking lot and she comes up and wraps her arms around me,” He took a moment to compose himself, before continuing. “and she starts talking about how much ‘fun we had last night’ and how she was ‘still sore.’ I had spent the whole day with Cas. Of course he had fun informing her of this and she stormed off, so pissed. It was fucking amazing. He hasn’t let me around her alone, since”

 

Benny smiled at him.

 

“She always asks about you. She thinks it’s super casual, but it’s pretty sad. She’ll twirl her hair and bite her lip and be all like, ‘So, how’s Dean? I mean, I only ask because he looked a little tired the other day and I was just worried..’ Girl could get any dumbass in the school and she goes for someone who has made it pretty clear he’s not interested.”

 

“Oh come on, she’s not that bad..I mean, she means well.” Dean chuckled.

 

“Brother, she is the type of person who would cut off a lock of your hair just so she could touch some part of you whenever she wanted. Can’t you see her sneaking into your bedroom at night, and casually crawling in next to you?” Benny laughed and Dean shook his head.

 

“Dude, do not put that image into my head. I won’t be able to sleep.”

 

“Well, maybe she’s not that crazy. But you might want to keep Cas out of her sight.”

 

The boy nodded. 

 

“Trust me, he has made it abundantly clear that he wants nothing to do with her. He notices about twice as much as we do, when it comes to her creepiness. He’s a jealous little thing and it’s adorable.”

 

“Well, congratulations, brother. Cas is a good guy. Maybe he’ll be even better when I get to know him.” They both shared a small smile, Dean, feeling just a little bit better about Castiel now that his best friend had signed off on him.

  
Dean spent a few more hours with Benny. They talked about nothing, but it took up the time, and by the time he left, Dean felt content. He really did like Cas. He wanted him to be around for a while and it would have been a bit disheartening if Benny had been indifferent about his boyfriend. But Benny was his friend. Benny supported him, and he liked Castiel, too. It would be a whole night and another awkward morning with his father until Dean could see his boy, again, but at least right now, he was happy to just sit around with Benny, talking to his closest friend(beside Castiel) in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I really really REALLY don't deserve it, but if you could be so kind to leave a comment or kudos, just tell me what you thought. It REALLY motivates me to know that I'm not just writing to no one. Aaaaanyway.....Thanks! I love you guys!


	10. Alright, Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel didn't want to go to the party. But Charlie had insisted, and Dean would be there. It couldn't have possibly been as bad as Bobby always used to make it seem, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wanted this finish this chapter the way I intended to, however the whole thing would have been at least double this chapters length. In light of this, I have decided to split it into two chapters to not only take more time with each, but because I haven't posted in a while and I do apologize. This way works out for everyone, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

“I mean, we don’t  _ have  _ to go.” 

 

“Good, then we’re not going.” Cas stated simply as he placed various books and binders into his locker.

 

“But,  _ Caaas,”  _  Charlie pleaded. “It’s going to be so fun. There’s gonna be music and dancing and free food, it’s everything you love.”

 

“Besides the free food, those are none of the things that I love. You can go, but I’m gonna stay home. Why would I want to spend my Friday night at the house of a person I don’t know, dancing with people I’ve never met, and getting drunk with everyone I hate? Sorry, Char, parties just aren’t my thing.”

 

Charlie had been trying for the last three hours to get Castiel to go to Gordon Walker’s party with him. They had their first three periods together and Charlie had been relentless in her efforts, but Cas wasn’t budging.

 

“Well, you don’t have to get drunk.” Castiel closed his locker and began walking to his next class as his friend followed.

 

“Oh, that’d be even better. Spending a sober evening surrounded by drunk idiots. This is one of your best ideas yet.”

 

“What if I got Dean to go?”

 

“Dean is not going. He hates Gordon.”

 

“Cas, Dean’s the quarterback on the football team. He’s the most popular kid in school, of course he’s going.” Castiel sighed. Charlie was right. Dean was going to go, and he would love it. That’s just the kind of person he was. Cas was going to have to work on that, he thought with a smirk.

 

“That makes me want to go even less. To see my new boyfriend, get drunk out of his skull and then drive him home after is  _ also _ not something in which I want to partake. Plus, why do you want to go, anyway? Didn’t you just get your new gaming system? I thought you’d want to spend at least a week breaking that in.”

 

Charlie sighed and looked at the boy.

 

“Fine, do you want to know why I want to go so badly?” Cas rolled his eyes.

 

“Okay, I’ll bite. Why?” Charlie bit her lip and Castiel smirked as her face gradually started to match her hair color, which was a deep, blood red.

 

“Jo’s gonna be there.”

 

“Jo? Ellen’s daughter? What about her?” He crossed his arms and tilted his head at her.

 

“She’s hot, that’s what. She’s hot, and she’s bi, and Benny, your boy’s best friend, has been sniffing around her and I don’t want him to get his paws on her. Have you seen her rack? I mean, my god.” Castiel chuckled uncomfortably.

 

“Okay...thanks for that. But I don’t see why that involves me.” 

 

“I need to go with someone, who won’t mind getting ditched later on in the night. You’ll have Dean, you’ll feel right at home.”

 

“Charlie, as much as I’d love to help you on your conquest, I have homework to do.” He knew it was a bullshit excuse, knew Charlie would never go for it.

 

“Cas, dear lord, who does homework on _ Friday night?  _ That’s crap and you know it. Now, I know you don’t like stuff like this, but I’m asking you as a friend. Your  _ best _ friend. Please?” She clasped her hands together and grinned from ear to ear. “Pretty please? I’ll do anything you want.” Charlie wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “ _ Anything _ .”

 

Castiel groaned and shoved her lightly.

 

“Ew, gross.” He chuckled. “Fine, fine, I’ll go. But I swear to God, you’re gonna be doing my laundry for a month.” They both laughed and waved good bye, before parting ways to their separate classes.

 

***

 

Dean and Castiel had spent the day together. They sat next to one another at lunch, stayed after school to do homework in the library, and Dean had driven Cas home. All the while, sharing short little kisses and tiny whispers of how they felt about the other. To anyone other than them, they would have been nauseating. But neither one of them cared who saw that they were together. It was sickeningly sweet. It was just what they wanted.

 

Now, Castiel was lying face down on his bed, his head propped up on his elbows, and his eyes glued to his phone screen. He and Dean had been texting since Cas left Dean’s car. Something must have been wrong with him, he thought. That something was Dean.

 

**DW:** So, Charlie wants you to  go to Gordon’s party?

 

**CN:** Hasn’t stopped talking about it since this morning. Apparently she wants to hook up with Jo.

 

**DW:** Tell her tough luck. Benny’s got his eye on Jo.

 

**CN:** Oh, she knows. She thinks the faster she acts, the better. It’s not the worst idea she’s had.

 

**DW:** Are you gonna go?

 

**CN:** Yeah, I promised her. Mostly because she said you would be there. Which, honestly I think is ridiculous. Everyone knows you hate Gordon. Why are you forcing yourself to go?

 

**DW:**  I mean, yeah, I hate him, but he’s one person at a party. I can avoid him. Plus, he’s on my team, and they’re begging me to go, and I  _ am _ the captain. It’s my responsibility.

 

**CN:** Wow. You sound like an asshole right now.

 

**DW:** Shut up, dork. You know I’m awesome. But the point still stands. I’m going and we should get drunk and dance together.

 

Castiel smiled to himself. Dean  _ was _ awesome. And Dean was his.

 

**CN:** You know, it  _ is _ possible to dance without the drunk part.

 

**DW:** Ah, but that makes it so much more fun.

 

**CN:** No.

 

**DW:** Fine, we don’t have to get drunk. Let’s just go and have a good time, huh?

 

**CN:** Yeah, that sounds good.

 

**DW:** Good. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?

 

**CN:** Yeah. See you tomorrow.

 

Castiel wanted so desperately to tell his boy that he loved him. And he had, the first time they had ever talked about their feelings toward each other, but Dean hadn’t reciprocated. It’s not like Castiel expected to. Cas had known what he was feeling for quite some time. Dean had only just begun to accept the idea of them being together. Cas knew that he loved Dean, and he was just waiting for the chance to say it back. But, Dean wasn’t ready yet, and Castiel wouldn’t push.

 

Castiel set his phone down on the bed and sat up. All he could do now was his homework, and then he’d have no choice but to think about his boyfriend. His lips, and eyes, and cheeks, and freckles and shoulders,  _ God those shoulders.  _ Not to mention his hands and knuckles and chest and smooth skin. He’d be forced to daydream about kissing, touching, sucking, anything. And all of it against his will, or so he told himself. Yep. Tonight was going to be a nightmare. Castiel grinned.

 

***

 

The week came and passed. Dean and Castiel were still in a lover’s heaven. They kept things light. Small, feathery kisses in passing or soft pecks on the lips as they just lay on Castiel’s couch, gazing into each other. Everything in Castiel’s life was coming together. He rarely thought about his scars anymore, when he wasn’t creating them. Of course, there were days, nearly every other week, that he couldn’t keep the voices out. These days would find him in his bathroom at four in the morning, scrubbing the drying blood off of the counter and finding ways to avoid telling Dean.  _ Ha,  _ Castiel thought.  _ Like Dean needs  _ that _ kind of trouble. _

 

But Castiel didn’t have to think about those days. Not when he had a beautiful Dean Winchester sending him cute ‘Goodnight’ and ‘Good morning’ texts, and calling him nearly every evening just to ask him how his day was going. Every time, Castiel would say he was fine, but Dean would get to what he really wanted to say. His boyfriend was very persistent. He made Cas happy, and Cas didn’t know how Dean managed to do that. Now, Castiel actually wanted to spend time out of the confines of his room. Normally, if someone had invited him to a movie or to go on a walk, not that anyone did, he would have declined. But then Dean would flash him that smile, and he would find himself wanting to drop everything and run out the door and into his arms. So, he had agreed to go with Charlie to Gordon’s party. And, if he saw Dean there, got to dance with him and kiss him in the middle of the dance floor for everyone to see, Castiel would be okay with that.

 

***

 

“Charlie, it’s a highschool party. She’s gonna be drunk out of her mind. I don’t think your outfit matters much.” Castiel was leaning against the doorframe of his friend’s room with his arms crossed over his chest.

 

“And that, my naive, little friend,” Charlie grunted as she attempted to pull her dress over her hips from the bathroom which was adjoined to her bedroom. “is why it took you seventeen years to get your first kiss. Of course my clothes matter.” Castiel rolled his eyes.

 

“Jo’s not very superficial. I think she’d like you either way.”

 

“She may not be superficial, but this can’t hurt. And have you seen Benny? Even my lesbian vagina was feeling a little somethin’ somethin’ for those muscly-ass arms of his. Damn.”

 

Castiel raised his eyebrow.

 

“Charlie?”

 

“Come on, Cas, you know what I’m talking about. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind taking him for a ride, huh?” She laughed, yelping when she tripped and fell onto the floor.

 

“Ew-! Charlie!” She laughed louder at his clear discomfort. “He’s my boyfriend’s best friend. I don’t want to take him anywhere.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Charlie said sarcastically.

 

“I don’t!” He groaned and sat on the bed. “Are you almost done?”

 

“All in good time, my friend.”

 

Castiel sighed. 

 

A few minutes later, Charlie stepped out of the bathroom with a flourish of her arms and a smile on her face. 

 

“How do I look, Cassie?” 

 

Her dress was a sleek, black, long sleeved pencil dress. The collar came up to her neck and the bottom came to her mid thigh. It was elegant, but just sexy enough to be acceptable at the party. Charlie looked beautiful in it. The chest was hollowed out with lace to show her cleavage in a seemingly classy way, and if anybody could pull this off, it was the red-head, standing in front of him.

 

“Charlie, holy shit, you’re gorgeous.” He stood up and walked around her, looking her up and down. Charlie keened at the attention and smiled.

 

“What? This old thing? I just threw this on.” She laughed, spinning around and Castiel rolled his eyes.

 

“Jo’s gonna love it, that I know.” 

 

“Why, thank you, good sir. Now, let’s go meet our dates.” She grinned and linked arms with the slightly amused boy. Castiel hadn’t gone to any great trouble to get ready for this party. At this moment, he had on black skinny jeans, a blue tee shirt and a gray cardigan. It was actually quite similar to the outfit he had on during his class’ trip to the museum. Castiel smiled as he remembered that day. He wondered if maybe he should have tried to impress Dean a little more. Dean was stunning, of course, and he didn’t even have to try. Cas looked down at what he was wearing, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about the whole night.

 

“Alright, let’s go.” Castiel bit his lip but let Charlie pull him down the stairs. 

 

Maybe this was a mistake.

 

***

 

The house was loud. That’s what Castiel remembers most. Loud. And sticky. Everyone was drinking and laughing, although at what, Castiel was not sure. The music was terrible, but it still seemed to please the large crowd of dancing, inebriated teenagers. The room was dark except for the two strobe lights in either of the back corners of the room, that kept the area flashing bright white streams of light that blinded Cas. He thought it would smell different. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t the mixture of sweat, perfume and alcohol that assaulted his senses now. Charlie didn’t seem to notice.

 

As she grabbed his hand, and pulled him into the depths of the oceans of people, he found himself wondering where Dean was. They had spent a good fifteen seconds in the doorway, just taking everything in, and Castiel hadn’t seen his boyfriend then, either.

 

Castiel followed after her, as she dragged him from room to room on her path to Jo Harvelle.

 

“Charlie, you know I don’t have to hold your hand the whole way, right? Didn’t you bring me here, just so you could ditch me, anyway?” He stopped her in the middle of the kitchen and forced her to look at him.

 

“Well, yeah, but I thought I’d be able to find her right away. I don’t know what to do now.” She nervously bit her lip, squeezing Castiel’s hand as she swept her gaze around the room.

 

“Are you kidding? You’re Charlie Bradbury. Just grab a girl and start dancing. Or grab a drink at least.” Castiel chuckled.

 

“I would, but I don’t want to get drunk with these people. None of them are my really good friends. There’s only you and I know you don’t drink.” She wasn’t wrong. Castiel didn’t even like the idea of getting drunk. And it wasn’t clear to him why he would. From what he’d heard, the good part lasted a few hours, the whole night maybe, and the morning after would result in a blinding headache and being practically useless for the whole day.

 

“No, I don’t. But I don’t understand why that should stop you.”

 

“Really, Cas? It’s no fun getting drunk around your sober friend.”

 

“Even though basically everyone else, except me, is hammered?”

 

“I don’t know them that well.”

 

“Ah, but that’s the beauty of alcohol, isn’t it? Getting drunk and doing things you never would? Such as grabbing that young lady over there,” Castiel motioned to a pretty brunette sitting across the living room with a drink in her hand. “And grinding yourselves into oblivion?”

 

“I was waiting for Jo…”

 

“And you can dance with her when she gets here. But, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you waste this dress by hiding away in the kitchen the whole time.” Charlie laughed softly as she looked down.

 

“Fine. Come get me if you see her, okay?”

 

“As you wish, madame.” Castiel smiled and shoo’d her out towards the dance floor, and she went, surprisingly eager.

 

Castiel looked around. He was definitely out of his element. He had pushed away his only connection at this party, and now he found himself utterly clueless. Maybe Dean would show up soon.

 

As if he had been summoned by Castiel’s thoughts alone, Dean rounded the corner into the kitchen. He had been drinking with Benny in the back yard and he was now back to refill his drink. Now, Dean wasn’t a stranger to alcohol. He had been drinking since sophomore year, and had found out that he had a strangely high tolerance for it. Of course he had gotten drunk before, but usually it was with Benny at these types of parties and sometimes when they were just hanging out. No one would say that Dean had a problem with alcohol. 

 

As he strolled in, his eyes immediately landed on Castiel. He was leaning against the counter, near the sink, and was looking down as he pulled a loose string on his sweater.  _ Again with the sweaters. What was with him?  _ Dean thought with a curious frown. He quickly put the thought out of his head as he came up swiftly and wrapped his arms around the boy, who jumped in surprise, before chuckling. 

 

“Well, where have you been, mister?” Castiel asked with a smile as he burrowed himself further into the embrace of his boyfriend.

 

“I was just with Benny. Where’s Charlie?” Without looking up, Cas pointed to the living room where Dean could plainly see Charlie being groped by a girl who he could only assume was Madison Canifer from his math class. He laughed and pulled Castiel in closer. “She seems like she’s having fun.”

 

“Oh, you have no idea.” He smiled and leaned up to captures Dean’ lips in a chaste kiss.

 

“So, how about we get you a drink, and, I don’t know..dance a little?” Dean grinned and gently grabbed Castiel’s hips, swaying them slowly.

 

“Dean,” He whined. “You know I don’t want to be here in the first place.”

 

“Well, then you should enjoy it as much as you can, while you’re here.”

 

Castiel glared teasingly.

 

“I don’t drink.”

 

“You  _ didn’t  _ drink. Always a first time for everything.” Dean smiled.

 

“I don’t think so.” He put his hands on Dean’s chest and gently pushed him back. “I don’t want to end up in a gutter, covered in my own vomit.” Dean laughed.

 

“And that’s going to come from one drink?” 

 

“That’s how it starts, Dean.” Castiel smiled and wrapped his slender arms around the curve of Dean’s waist. “It’s a long, dark road. And you can’t ever get off. I hate to say it, but now your chances of becoming a hooker are raised sixty percent. It’s science.” They both chuckled and pulled closer to each other.

 

“Oh yes, science. How could I have been so blind?” Dean smiled fondly down at his boy, completely content to spend the rest of the night, right there. That didn’t sound too bad to him, at all.

 

Castiel looked around at the adolescents, dancing drunkenly in every crevice of the house that he could see.

 

“So,” He placed a quick kiss to Dean’s jaw. “ besides drinking and throwing away your future,” Dean grinned widely as he talked. “what do you normally do at parties like these? I mean, I would love it if we could just go hang out at my house and talk and stuff, but I guess I can see the appeal.” Castiel nodded as if to illustrate his point more clearly.

 

“Well,” Dean said as he readjusted his hands on the boy’s hips. “we could dance a little.” Castiel smiled and shook his head. “We could go outside and talk to Benny. You two should get to know each other better. I think you’d really hit it off.” Cas shrugged.

 

“Maybe. I don’t think he’d like me, very much.” Dean raised his eyebrows.

 

“What? That’s crazy, of course he’d love you.” He pulled Castiel closer to his chest, absently playing with the thin hairs on the back of Castiel’s neck. “Plus, even if he wasn’t  _ crazy  _ about you, he’d have to at least try. You  _ are  _ his best friend’s boyfriend.” He smiled, so happy with himself that Castiel couldn’t even chastise him.

 

“I really don’t want to be someone that he’s forced to like because he likes you.”

 

“Well, why would that matter? As long as he’s doing a convincing job of pretending, why does it matter if he hates you?”

 

“He hates me?” Castiel’s mouth dropped and he immediately recoiled from Dean’s arms, if involuntarily. As Dean saw this, he quickly realized his mistake. Even from a young age, Dean had known Castiel to be extremely tense and fearful person, when it came to other people. Dean remembered having to sit on the sidewalk, outside of an ice cream parlor with Castiel, just hugging him. He thought the employee hated him because he’d dropped his change and the woman had to pick it up for him. That was when they were both ten years old. And since then, Dean realized, he had only gotten worse.

 

“What? Oh, no. No, of course he doesn’t hate you. That was just a for instance, Cas. It’s okay, come on.” He pulled the boy back into his arms and rubbed his back. “Benny doesn’t hate you. He’s actually glad that we’re together. He told me so.”

 

Castiel looked up at Dean.

 

“Really?” Dean smiled.

 

“Yeah. Right outside, actually. Says you might be good for me. Get me to quit my bad habits.” He chuckled as he kissed Castiel’s head. “Believe me, baby, Benny’s a pretty straightforward guy. If he didn’t like you, you’d know.” Cas nodded and pressed closer into Dean’s arms. “Why do you care, anyway? Do you even know him?”

 

Castiel shrugged a bit.

 

“I don’t know. He’s your friend. If he doesn’t like me, he’ll never want to be around you when you’re with me, he’ll stop spending as much time with you, you two will drift apart, you’ll begin to resent me as a result, and then you’ll leave me because I was making your life a dark abyss of nothingness.” Dean laughed at that.

 

“Baby, he doesn’t hate you. I promise. Now would you come outside so you can see for yourself?” Dean said as he pulled away and offered a hand out to the boy. Castiel hesitantly accepted, and let Dean lead him through the maze of people. Cas was scared, but to Dean’s credit, he kept the majority of people from touching Castiel, pushing them away, or sometimes growling a fearsome “Fuck off.” Castiel would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on how protective Dean was. 

 

Castiel shook the thought away, and it wasn’t long before they got outside. To his relief, outside was far cleaner, quieter and altogether less crowded than it had been inside. Although, there wasn’t much in the way of scenery out here,(a large lawn of grass surrounded by a picket fence and a few benches scattered across the borders) it was nice. The weather was temperate and Cas could clearly see the ocean of stars above him, bright as he’d ever seen them, only rivaled by the night Dean had kissed him. Castiel smiled at the thought. 

 

Dean suddenly turned to him and gave him a reassuring smile along with a kiss to his forehead. 

 

“He’s gonna love you.” Castiel nodded, although he didn’t believe the boy entirely and followed him to where Benny was bent over, searching for another beer in the cooler nearest the door. Cas noted with a smirk that a few girls were leering at the boy’s ass. He’d have to tease him about that, when he knew him better.

 

Dean confidently strode over to Benny and gave him a firm smack on his backside, along with a cat whistle. Benny immediately turned around with a smirk, expecting one of the gorgeous young girls he’d seen at the party, no doubt, and instead punching Dean in the arm upon realization.

 

“Well, hey there, dick.” He chuckled and they shared a quick hug. “Who do you got here?” Benny asked as he looked Castiel over, immediately inferring who he was, but not wanting to scare him off. Dean placed a hand on the small of his boy’s back and gently urged him forwards.

 

“Benny, this is Castiel.” Benny smiled and held out his hand.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Castiel. Dean here’s gone on and on.” He chuckled softly. Castiel, terrified of the entire situation, looked at Benny’s hand like it was covered in snakes. “Well, don’t be shy, now.” Benny wiggled his hand slightly, waiting for Cas with a smile on his face, completely patient.

 

Castiel looked up at Dean, as if asking for permission, and at his nod, took the hand of the man in front of him and smiled politely.

 

“Pleased to meet you,” he muttered.

 

Benny seemed satisfied with the greeting, and laughed heartily.

 

“This one’s told me so much about you, Cas.” He motioned to Dean. “And I think I’ve seen you around sometimes, too.”

 

“W-We had chemistry together, last year.” Cas offered a faint smile.

 

“Ah, yes! That’s where I know you from.” Benny clapped him on the shoulder. “That was gonna drive me crazy. Thanks, man. Can I get you a beer, or something?”

 

“He doesn’t drink,” Dean cut in before Castiel could speak.

 

“Oh, yeah, I don’t think I could handle a life like that.” Cas chuckled, making Dean smile. “But props to you. That’s gotta take some willpower.” 

 

“Winchester!” The trio turned their heads to the voice, coming from an open window in the house. “Get your ass over here, we’re doin’ shots!”

 

“Who is that?” Castiel wondered out loud.

 

Dean groaned and pulled Castiel closer, giving him an apologetic smile.

 

“It’s Gordon. You know him, you met him on Wednesday, he’s on my team.” Cas nodded as the memory of the tall boy from Dean’s math class came back to him.

 

“Oh, yes, I remember him. And you’re going to go over there?” He gave the boy a disappointed whine.

 

“ _ Caaasss _ , it’s Gordon’s party. And the rest of my team is there.”

 

“I ain’t goin’,” Benny chimed in.

 

“Yes, thank you, Benny. Benny’s not going. Benny’s on your team.” He pushed Dean’s hand off of his waist, quickly pulling it back when he realized how it felt to not have Dean touching him, much to Dean’s amusement. 

 

“Come on, baby. The team’s the only reason I came, and I’m the only reason you came, so if I don’t go over there, being here’s kind of pointless.”

 

“It’s pointless anyway.” Dean stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, before pressing a kiss behind the boy’s ear, making him shiver and go pliant in Dean’s arms.

 

“I’ll be back before you know it, okay? I promise I won’t drink that much.” Cas nodded and watched as his boyfriend pulled away from him and gave him one last, lingering kiss.

 

“Take care of him, Benny.” Dean called back as he jogged into the house.

 

“So,” Benny started as he sat down on the bench near them, and patted the spot next to him. “Tell me about yourself.”

 

“Excuse me?” Castiel questioned nervously, sitting down.

 

“Well, you’re datin’ my boy, now. I think it’s only fair that I learn a bit about you. So, spill. What’s your deal?”

 

“Uhm...my deal? I-I don’t have a deal.” Castiel shifted where he was sitting, averting his eyes from Benny’s gaze. The larger boy chuckled, playfully slugging him in the shoulder.

 

“Don’t be shy, now, brother. I’m not gonna bite. Just tell me a little about yourself. What brings you to a place like this?”

 

“Oh,” The explanation Benny had given sounded much less threatening than Cas had originally anticipated. “Alright. W-Well, I came with my friend, Charlie. She came because she wanted to spend time with Jo Harvelle, but she didn’t want to arrive alone. I wouldn’t have come even then, but, well, I knew Dean was going to be here.” He blushed a bit.

 

“No way. God damn it, Charlie,  _ I’m _ after Jo. That red headed little woman stealer.” Benny chuckled and leaned back. “If she thinks she’s gonna win Jo from me, she’s got another thing comin’”

 

Castiel smiled.

 

“I don’t know, Benny. Charlie can be pretty seductive. I’d say it was a bad move leaving Jo alone with her running around.” Benny swatted away his words and rolled his eyes. 

 

“Whatever. I can handle a challenge. Why didn’t you want to come anyway? You look like you’re having a good time.”

 

Castiel looked around and shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Parties, dancing...people? Not really my thing.”

 

“That’s too bad. I know Dean loves having you here.” Castiel’s heart did a little flip at that.

 

“Really?”

 

“‘Course. You haven’t noticed how smitten he is with you? It gets to be a little much.”

 

“Oh,” Cas looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry, Benny.”

 

“No, no. Not like that. You’re gonna be good for him, that much I can tell. He really likes you.”

 

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.” Castiel then saw Benny lean forward, really starting to look at him.

 

“So really, what  _ is  _ your deal? You got the quarterback of the school football wrapped around your finger, from Dean’s told me, you’re getting great grades, and you seem like a pretty sweet guy. What are you scared of?”

 

“Scared? I’m not scared.”

 

“Please, brother. You’re obviously not comfortable here. You look at Dean like it’s the last time you’re gonna see him and you’ve been hugging your arms to your stomach ever since we sat down, like someone’s  gonna attack you. What gives?”

 

The blue eyed boy looked down at his wrists. If only benny Benny knew what was under the thin layer of fabric.  _ He’d probably run and tell Dean,  _ Castiel thought. And Dean couldn’t know. That, Castiel was certain of. He would never let Dean know.

 

“I don’t know.” Castiel smiled softly. “I guess I’m just still nervous around Dean. He’s just so confident and comfortable with these people.” He looked around. “It can be a little intimidating, I suppose.”

 

“Well,” Benny smiled and slung an arm round the smaller boy’s shoulders. “you got nothin’ to worry about. Dean’s crazy about you. And besides,” Castiel looked up when Benny paused his sentence. “if he does anything to scare you, I’ll kick his ass. I’m startin’ to like you, kid.” He ruffled Cas’ hair and they both laughed, Castiel subconsciously leaning into Benny’s embrace, as though he were an older brother. The thought brought him back to when he was little, just after his parents had died. So many nights had been spent weeping into the shoulder of his older brother, Gabriel, as the two sat on the edge of Castiel’s bed. Gabriel would rub his back softly and tell him stories of when he was a baby. He would always end the anecdote with, “You always were such a little asshole when you were an infant.” The words never failed to make little Cas laugh, even if it was always followed by another soft sob.

 

“Okay, thank you, Benny. I’m not certain that you could hurt Dean, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

 

Benny sat up and feigned offense.

 

“What? I could whoop that small wimp’s ass. Who said I couldn’t beat him? Did Dean say I couldn’t beat him? I’ll knock him into next week.” When Benny focused again, he looked at Castiel, who was desperately trying to keep in his giggles. Seeing this, Benny straightened his shirt and cleared his throat. “The point is, kid, I could kick his ass. And I will, if he ruins his shot with you. He’s been talking about you for...let’s see, I think at least a week before that trip to the museum.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Hell yeah. I couldn’t get him to shut up about you. So he better not screw this up.”

 

Castiel grinned and hugged Benny.

 

“Thank you, Benny. I’m not going to screw this up, either.” He stood up with a grin on his face and started walking to the door.

 

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Where do you think you’re going, kid?”

 

“I’m going to go see Dean. He only told me to stay here because he didn’t think I’d want to stay with him while he drank. But, you’re right. I don’t want to screw this up by making him think that I don’t like the things that he likes.” He started walking again when Benny stood and grabbed his shoulder. Castiel was surprised at the force by which Benny had hold of him. Maybe he did stand a chance against Dean.

 

“Slow your roll. Dean told me to keep watch of you, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. I don’t want you getting lost and ending up in the back of some drunk guy’s car. The kids at this school are animals.” Castiel could agree with him there, and he blushed in embarrassment at the very thought of being caught in a compromising situation with one of them.

 

“I think I can handle myself. He’s like, two feet away.” 

 

Benny sighed and dropped his arm from the boy’s shoulder.

 

“Alright, alright, fine. Just don’t blame me if you end up getting groped by some wasted cheerleader in the livingroom. I warned you.”

  
Castiel smiled and hugged Benny quickly before he went to go find Dean. If he wasn’t sure if he could trust Benny, before, he was now. He seemed to genuinely care about Castiel. It wasn’t what he expected to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized I just posted this chapter, but I fucked up so....take two! Anyway, what did you think? Wanna leave a comment? I know I want you to. So, there will be a continued part of this posted hopefully soon. Thanks for reading! And did I mention how good comments make me feel?


	11. Luke Milton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets drunk for the first time. Without Dean. Luke Milton is at the right place at the right time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, guys, but I hope you like it. There are probably a couple typos, thank you in advance for ignoring them. Also, trigger warning for rape/non-con. Don't worry, I wouldn't let anything happen to Cas, but it's gets sorta close, so don't read if it won't be safe for you. Enjoy!

Similar to the way Castiel had left it, the interior of the house was loud, filled with drunken teenagers, and he was still looking for Dean. It should have been easy. The group with which he had gone had been right inside the window. Castiel looked to his right, where they should have been. They weren’t there.

 

“Crap,” Castiel mumbled quietly. He made his way to the bathroom, checked there, walked through the kitchen, Dean wasn’t there either. Cas spent the next twenty minutes searching up and down, left and right, through any part of the house he could reach. Apparently, Dean’s group had migrated, Because they certainly were not anywhere near where they had started off. Wherever they were, Cas hoped they weren’t doing anything too bad.

 

As Castiel made his way back to the living room, he kept noticing something a bit strange. Now, Castiel was never a popular boy, not in the least. However, he wasn’t an outcast, for the most part. He lived in that safe, gray area between being shunned entirely, and being noticed and picked on for his lack of social skills. He was comfortable where he was most of the time. He was comfortable with almost no one knowing his name. So, when Luke Milton started looking his way last year, Castiel was taken a bit by surprise. Luke started with simple Hello’s. He smiled at Cas in the halls, waved when he could, and seemed all around pleasant. Castiel would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy that kind of friendliness to some degree, but that’s all Luke Milton was to him. An acquaintance at best. Castiel was terribly confused that Luke had begun to interact with him at all. Then, Castiel got a job over the summer. That’s when he became a little frightened. 

 

He worked at the bookstore in town. Cas loved it there. On his breaks, he would read new and interesting books of which he’d never heard and during his shifts, he would get to talk literature with some of the smartest and sweetest people he’d ever met. Castiel would never make friends with them, though. No, these people were always ‘Just stopping through,’ or older men and women whom he would never encounter otherwise. That didn’t matter, because the bookstore was his sanctuary. It was strange to meet people who were so friendly, who would look at him and smile as though he were normal. It were as if all the walls and entrapments that kept him covered, from the moment he walked into his school, fell away when he walked out. Castiel often wondered what sort of off putting evil the kids at school saw in him, that the people who walked into his work did not. He wanted to know why he was loved in his literary heaven, and ignored elsewhere. Perhaps that’s what made it so special to him. Perhaps it was because Luke Milton would sometimes wander in. 

 

Now, Castiel suspected that Luke had never read anything besides the school assigned reading list in his life. That theory was confirmed when he came in one summer morning, and it was revealed that he was under the impression that  _ Great Expectations  _ was the only book written by Charles Dickens. That didn’t stop Castiel from thinking it was kind of cute, though. He could never get frustrated with those big blue eyes. It was a conflicting situation for the boy. He knew who Luke was, knew he was well liked and had many friends. He also knew himself. He knew that Luke had made no effort to even remember his name until that year. Then again, Castiel had never had a boyfriend before. Some part of him wanted to think that Luke did actually like him and wasn’t just talking to him out of pity. Nevertheless, Luke Milton was the perfect gentleman. He would smile and open doors and make sure Castiel felt happy and safe whenever they talked. He was endearing, if not a bit of a distraction at work. A distraction that Cas welcomed with open arms, though he was not inclined to admit it. From June, through July and into early august, Luke would stop by from time to time and talk to the boy about anything that interested them. Castiel was more than thankful that his mind was taken off of Dean for a while. After years of pining for the love he could never have, Cas was exhausted. Luke was just the break he needed.

 

For this reason, it came as quite a shock one afternoon, when Luke demanded more from Castiel. He was stacking books in the young adult section of the store when the bell rang, signaling the entrance of a customer. As he rounded the corner to greet the man or woman, his vision was suddenly clouded with blue eyes, blond hair, and a white smile.

 

“Hey, Nerd,” he had said and smirked as he planted his arm to the left of Castiel’s neck on the bookshelf.

 

“Oh,” Cas smiled. “I didn’t know you were coming today. Didn’t you say you were spending time with your friends?”

 

“I had to get out of there. Couldn’t get you out of my head.” He chuckled upon seeing the blush that spread across the boy’s cheeks.

 

“Uh- We just a new shipment of YA novels. Would you like to help me put them away? I’m sure it’ll go much faster with four hands instead of two.” He smiled.

 

Luke shook his head and stepped closer.

 

“Nah. I don’t want to do that.” 

 

Castiel tilted his head.

 

“Oh. Alright. Well, I should get back to work, then. I want to get this done before my lunch break.” He made to duck under Luke’s arm so he could get back to the shelf he had left unfinished when he felt a firm grip on his shoulder. Whipping his head back to the other boy, he was met with a smirk and eyes that traveled shamelessly up and down Castiel’s body.

 

“No,” Luke replied softly. “I don’t want you to do that, either.”

 

At this point, Castiel was so confused that he thought this was a joke. He laughed and shook his head, wiggling out of Luke’s grip.

 

“Good one, Luke. But I really do have to get back to work. We can talk later if you want.” Castiel walked back into the row of books and began stacking again. He hadn’t looked back at where the boy was standing, but assumed by the silence that he had left.  _ That’s odd,  _ he had thought.  _ He left without a goodbye.  _ It wasn’t until he felt his hips being pressed into the hard wooden shelf and hot breath on his ear that he knew something was definitely wrong. He whimpered but was otherwise stunned into silence.

 

“I said I didn’t want you to go back to work, Cas. I want to talk to you.” He chuckled. “About us.”

 

“This feels like a bit more than talking.” Castiel laughed, his nervousness seeping through his words. He was still trying to play this off like it wasn’t as serious as he knew it could be. “B-But, uh, yeah, let’s talk.”

 

Luke laughed again, a sound that was quickly starting to sicken Castiel.

 

“Mhm...Good boy.” Now he really did want to throw up. Luke kissed the soft spot behind his ear and he felt like crawling out of his skin.

 

“I have to say, Luke,” He swallowed thickly, trying to calm his nerves. “this doesn’t really seem like you. You’re usually so...calm.”

 

“Oh, come on, Cas. This dance we’ve been doing, it’s getting old. I know you want me, and I wouldn’t mind having you, either. Stop playing shy. Let me have you.” Luke let his hands wander around Castiel’s waist, gripping him tightly with one arm and using the other to part his legs. Cas was helpless to stop it, too shocked and confused to even move his eyes from where they were locked on the spines of the books he was supposed to be stacking. Suddenly Cas felt a cold hand slip under his shirt, slowly roaming over his stomach. “Let me get you home,” Castiel heard the boy behind him whisper. “Get you outta these clothes.” Castiel immediately froze, now intensely aware of  everything that was happening to him and around him. And right now, Luke Milton had him pushed up against a wooden shelf and easy access to any part of Castiel that he wanted. Fear bloomed inside him when he felt the boy’s hand inch dangerously close to the scars on his chest. 

 

_ No. No, he’s not supposed to touch there. This is private, he can’t know about that.  _ The fact that he was scared not about Luke molesting him in a public store, but about him knowing about his scars, alarmed Castiel. Something was definitely not right with him. He did the only thing he could think of.

 

“What time is it?” Luke stopped his movements.

 

“What?”

 

“What time is it?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“M-My boss. He usually comes to check on me around right now, and I had heard him walking around in the biography section. I just didn’t want him to get mad at you if he thought something fishy was going on.” Luke took a moment to speak before chuckling softly.

 

“Oh, I see. You don’t want us to get in trouble. You don’t want him to yell at me for something you did, is that right?” Castiel turned his head as much as he could to look at Luke.

 

“What?” 

 

“Yeah, baby,” Luke replied. “Spend all summer teasing me and then just deny me like that.” He leaned in close again, making Castiel tense. “You were just  _ asking  _ for this.” Castiel wanted to scream.  _ Wrong, wrong, this was so  _ wrong.  _ I need to get out, this isn’t happening. This is not happening.  _ Luke shook him slightly to get his attention. “Didn’t you?” It wasn’t a question.  _ Don’t make him mad, Castiel. This could all go very bad, very fast. _

 

“Yeah,” Cas said, defeated. He hung his head.

 

“Yeah, what?”

 

“Yeah, yes, I asked for this.” Luke grinned and spun him around, tracing his thumb over the shaking boy’s bottom lip. 

 

“That’s right. You want this. I’ll give you what you want.” Without another word, Luke ducked his head down and began to kiss and suck on Cas’ neck. Castiel had been clean for four weeks at that time, something of which he was immensely proud. And he knew right now that he was back to square one. He knew himself well. As soon as he got home, he would take a scalding hot shower and run every blade he could find over his arms until he could see nothing but red and silver. He hated himself for that, and for what was happening right now. Maybe Luke was right. Maybe he really did want this, he wasn’t doing anything to stop it. But he knew that wasn’t true. He knew that there was nothing he could do about this. Luke was stronger and more confident. Anything he tried would be met with more aggression.

 

The sensation of Luke licking over the dark red hickey he had just made on the boy’s neck, pulled Castiel out of his thoughts. It was then that Luke pulled back with a smile that made Cas want to crawl under a rock.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Cas.” He winked and reached around to smack his ass once before turning on his heel and walking out.

 

Castiel quit his job at the bookstore that very same day.

 

As he came back from his flashback, Castiel looked around the house. He hadn’t seen Luke, he was sure of it. After all, following the incident in the bookstore, Luke had left him alone, save for a few lingering glances in the school hallways, and smirking at him almost every time they passed one another. Cas thought he was done with him, that it was just a stupid prank to scare the boy. He would have felt mostly secure if it weren’t for the flash of blonde hair he kept seeing every time he turned a corner or spun his head around. Castiel really needed to find Dean. Dean was his safety.

 

For what seemed like the thousandth time that night, Castiel walked back to the window near the door to the backyard where he had seen Dean leave. And for what seemed like the thousandth time that night, he wasn’t there. Sighing, he made his way down one of the numerous corridors of the house. It was dimly lit, and almost too narrow, but unlike any other part of the estate, it was quiet. Castiel needed quiet. Here, he didn’t catch any glimpses of the Milton boy and he could relax. 

 

“Hey, Nerd.” The boy Castiel had been dreading he might see, suddenly turned a corner and flooded Castiel’s view. Luke smiled and the words seemed to roll off of his tongue like oil, surrounding Castiel’s body and making it so he couldn’t breath.

 

“Luke.” 

 

“I thought I had scared you off before. Thought you didn’t like me.” He smirked and stepped closer, backing Castiel into a wall but keeping at least a little distance between them.

 

“What? N-No, of course not. I’ve just...been busy.” Cas refused to look at the boy in front of him. He kept his head down and his hands firmly at his sides, keeping as still as he possibly could.

 

“With Winchester?” Castiel froze.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You’ve been seeing Winchester. Don’t be so shocked, it’s pretty damn obvious.” The blond boy chuckled and looked towards the opening of the hallway, the way Cas had entered. “Pretty rowdy out there, huh?” 

 

Castiel was a little confused by the quick change in conversation, but he caught up soon enough.

 

“Oh, yeah. I was just trying to find somewhere quiet to catch my breath. I couldn’t think out there.” He smiled softly, trying to keep the mood light.

 

Luke looked at Castiel and then at the party and then at the floor. As he looked up again, something flashed before his eyes. Though Castiel tried, he couldn’t quite place it. “Listen,” he started, suddenly looking quite somber. “I wanted to clear things up between us.”

Cas looked up, his curiosity piqued. “I didn’t like the way I left things.” Luke rubbed the back of his neck, taking a small step away from Castiel. “I, uh, realize that I might have come on a little strong, but I didn’t want to hurt you, or make you feel unsafe.”

 

Cas was terribly confused and maybe a bit skeptical. Very skeptical.

 

“You... You had me pushed against a bookshelf,” Castiel started.

 

“I know, Cas, I--” But the raven haired boy didn’t let him finish.

 

“You grabbed my hips and s-spread my legs and you-” His voice dropped to a whisper. “ _ Touched me _ … in places. And now you want to want to ‘Clear things up’?” Castiel looked up at the man. He wasn’t angry, per se, instead he was pleading, as if to tell Luke Milton how badly he had actually hurt him, and that showing up again like this, even to apologize, was bringing up memories that Castiel had tried so hard to shake.

 

“Cas, please listen to me.” Luke took his hand and for a reason that Castiel didn’t want to know, he let him. “I really want to make things right with you. Let me get you a drink.”

 

The smaller boy immediately shook his head.

 

“No, thank you. I don’t drink.” Luke smiled softly.

 

“Come on, one drink? One drink just to accept my apology, and then you never have to see me again, deal? No one ever dies from one beer at a party.”

 

Castiel looked back at the dancing teenagers just outside of the entrance to the hallway.  _ Dean wanted me to relax a little, too. And he just wants to apologize. I guess I could give him that much, he does seem sincere.  _ He looked back to where Luke was waiting patiently for an answer and then down to where their hands were still joined together. 

 

“Just one drink?” Castiel questioned.

 

“Just one drink,” Luke replied with a smile and a curt nod.

 

Castiel laughed softly to himself and nodded, pushing off of the wall and slightly closer to the man across from him.

 

“Okay, let’s go.”

 

***

 

In a way, Castiel was excited. He was going to try his first drink,(although he would have felt safer with Dean there) and Luke was doing his best to make up for the horrible position in which he had put Castiel. He appreciated that. And he was pretty sure that nothing bad would come of having one drink.

 

Castiel smiled as he watched Luke grab a bottle of whatever beer was there, and pour it into a red, plastic cup.

 

“So you’ve really never gotten drunk before?” Luke flashed him an amused smile. “I gotta say, that’s pretty surprising for a senior in high school.”

 

“I’ve never felt the urge. I’ve also heard that it doesn’t taste that good.” The blond boy chuckled and handed him the cup.

 

“I don’t drink for the taste, Cas.” He smiled.

 

Castiel eyed the liquid skeptically and swished it around in the cup.

 

“You drink to get drunk?”

 

“Well, not necessarily. I drink to feel good. Y’know, relax a little.” Luke leaned back against the kitchen counter and smiled. “Alcohol is pretty famous for lowering inhibitions.” Castiel chuckled.

 

“That sounds nice.” He sighed. “I don’t know, I just feel weird doing this without Dean here.” Luke’s smile faltered a bit.

 

“Why? Is he your babysitter, or something?”

 

“No, it’s not like that. I’m just a little scared. I’d feel a bit better if he was here.”

 

“Alright,” Luke moved himself off of the counter and stood in front of Castiel. “There is nothing to be scared of. It’s one beer. You’re not gonna die, okay?” He smiled so sincerely, that Castiel couldn’t help but to believe him. Tilting his head back, he took a large swig of his drink. It was bitter. It was bitter and not something he wanted to try again. Castiel grimaced.

 

“Oh, that’s..that’s something.” Luke chuckled.

 

“Come on, finish the cup. The first cup’s always the worst.”

 

“ _ First  _ cup? You said I only had to have one.” Castiel smiled. Despite not wanting to drink again, he was having an okay time with Luke. He still wanted to find Dean, though.

 

“Cas, in a little while, you’re going to start to feel a little bit of a buzz, and you’ll thank me. Drink more, and that buzz will turn into such a good feeling. Trust me.”

 

“Luke, I told you I don’t drink. Now, you apologized, I accepted your apology, but I’m not gonna drink anymore. At least not without Dean.”

 

“Fine. If you love Dean so much, where is he? You’ve been with me this whole time, and we haven’t seen Dean once. Are you guys even a real thing?”

 

Castiel blanched.

 

“Excuse me? You can’t say things like that, you don’t know us.”

 

“Cas, all I’m saying is that most of us thought that you guys weren’t really serious. I’m pretty sure he has the same deal with Lisa Braeden.”

 

“Stop it. Now you’re just trying to be mean.” He crossed his arms and looked down. If Luke wanted to make him feel pathetic, he had all the means to do so. Castiel knew exactly how Lisa felt about Dean, and although he knew in his heart that dean wanted nothing to do with her, it wasn’t hard for his mind to conjure up images of the two of them in compromising situations.

 

Luke stepped closer to Castiel and put a gentle hand on his forearm. 

 

“Okay, I’m sorry, Cas. Perhaps I was mistaken. I didn’t realize how solid you two were.” Luke smiled reassuringly and Cas bought it. He sighed and lets his arms fall.

 

“Thank you. I trust him. Just because I can’t see him, doesn’t mean he’s off doing horrible things with someone. Especially not Lisa.”

 

Luke chuckled and nodded, pouring another drink as he spoke.

 

“Well, I hope you guys are happy together. Here’s to love, huh?” He smiles and handed Castiel a cup and raised his own in the air. Without thinking, Castiel took the cup and grinned, looking directly at Luke as if he were his hero.

 

“To love.” They pressed the drinks together before downing them. Castiel coughed a little bit but was otherwise grinning like an idiot. “I think I’m starting to understand what you mean about the buzz.” He giggled. “I don’t know why I didn’t give it a chance before, this is harmless.”

 

Luke nodded and chuckled. 

 

“Look at that, you’re becoming a real pro, Cas.” They both laughed and before either of them knew what was happening, Castiel had his arms wrapped around Luke’s neck in a warm embrace.

  
  


“I’m glad we can move past what happened last summer, Luke. You’re a really good friend.” Luke hugged him back and smiled.

 

“I’m glad, too. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.” Castiel pulled back and shook his head, waving his hand in a dismissing gesture.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s forget it. Let’s drink.” This time it was Castiel who reached for the cups and poured two fresh beers into them.

 

“You sure? Dean isn’t around,” Luke joked.

 

“Oh, shut up,” Castiel said with a smile. “Just take the cup.” Luke did, and they both took a large sip, Cas becoming less inhibited by the second. About a half hour later and Castiel and Luke found themselves in the large group of people dancing in the living room. Castiel was decidedly more drunk, although Luke had stopped drinking about halfway in, and was doing his best to keep the blue eyed boy in his sight. Castiel was ridiculous, grabbing Luke anywhere he was able and singing as loud as he could, although it was a different song than was blasting through the rooms of the house. Luke was the only one in earshot of his voice.

 

“Cas, maybe you wanna settle down, huh? How about we put down the drink.” Luke smiled as he tried to extract the cup from Castiel’s hand.

 

“No! Mine.” He grinned and took another swig.

 

“Cas, you’re smashed. Let me take you home. Or at least to a quieter part of the house.”

 

“No… my fans will miss me.”

 

“Fans?” Luke looked around the room. “Fans of what?”

 

“My dancing,” Castiel whined. “They love it when I dance.” Luke chuckled.

 

“Okay, sure. Let me just take you to get another drink, then.” Castiel agreed wholeheartedly to that and immediately followed Luke out of the living room and towards the kitchen again.

 

***

 

Dean had spent the last hour running around the house, trying to find his boyfriend. After his group had released him to the backyard where he had previously been, Dean realized that Benny had no idea where Castiel was either.

 

“I thought I told you to keep an eye on him.” Dean glared at his friend. He felt a sense of protectiveness when it came to Cas. Especially because Castiel had never gotten drunk before. Now, Dean was sure that Castiel could hold his ground against him when it came to declining alcohol, but some of the kids at this school were particularly pushy. And handsy. Dean didn’t want him cornered by someone he couldn’t handle. The thought of anyone even looking at his innocent, gentle, blue eyed boyfriend wrong, made Dean’s skin crawl. He needed to find him.

 

“He said he was gonna find you.”

 

“Well, clearly he didn’t. Jesus, he could be with anyone.”

 

“Dean, he probably just went home.” Benny looked down and bit his lip. He was starting to become fond of the little guy too. He didn’t think Castiel could have gotten into too much trouble, but it still made him a bit nervous, knowing he wasn’t with Dean.

 

“No, he wouldn’t have left without me, that’s not like him.” Dean threw a glance back at the house. “Come on. We should start looking for him.”

 

“What? Why both of us?”

 

“Hey, you lost him, you have to help me find him.” Benny sighed and nodded as they made their way back into the house.

 

It was a while before they caught any sight of Castiel, but Dean stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a flash of black hair and blue eyes in the middle of the dance floor. In a second, it was gone.

 

“Benny.” He grabbed his friend’s arm and pulled him closer so he could see, pointing to where he had thought he had seen his boyfriend.

 

“What? You find him yet?” 

 

“No, just- look.” Benny sighed but swept his eyes over the large crowd, gasping softly when he saw the position Castiel was in. He turned his gaze to Dean. 

 

Dean was livid. His jaw was locked, eyes trained on the way Luke’s hands splayed over his boy’s hips. The image of Castiel’s arms wrapped around the man’s neck, a lazy grin spread across his face had Dean seeing red, although he hadn’t said a word since he had spotted the two together.

 

“Dean, buddy, he’s clearly drunk. I’m sure he doesn’t rea--”

 

“Stop talking,” Dean commanded.

 

The pair stayed at the edge of the crowd, simply watching the scene in front of them. Castiel was getting more careless by the second, letting his hands roam over Luke’s body anywhere he could. Dean only said a word when he saw the two walk back into the kitchen, Cas giggling the whole way.

 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Dean started towards the kitchen when he was stopped by Benny’s strong hands.

 

“No. Dean, calm down a bit.”

 

“He got Cas drunk! He’s gonna try to sleep with him, he’s gonna make him do things he doesn’t want to!” Dean stared at Benny, willing him to believe what he was saying.

 

“Dean, I know. But you gotta calm down. You’re just gonna freak him out if you go in there like this. We should try to stay away from some dramatic confrontation, okay?”

 

Dean groaned but nodded, craning his neck to see into the kitchen as far as possible.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Okay, okay, good. So we’re just gonna wait for a little while, and then you can go get him. Believe me, I wanna kick his ass almost as much as you do.” Dean nodded and they went to go sit down together.

 

“I’ll tell you what, Benny, I could really use a beer right now.” They both chuckled.

 

“Same here, brother.”

 

***

 

Castiel was feeling loose and happy, letting himself be manhandled into the kitchen and lifted to sit on the counter.The room was spinning around him and he tried to grab hold of Luke’s shoulders to steady himself.

 

“Feelin’ better, sweetheart?” Luke smiled and cupped Castiel’s jaw with both hands to get him to focus his attention. “You look like you’re having a good time.”

 

Castiel giggled in return and kissed Luke’s forehead.

 

“I am having...the best time.” He laughed again and pulled Luke closer. “We’re best friends right?” Suddenly he looked serious, staring at the boy in front of him with wide eyes. “Y-You’re my best friend.”

 

Luke chuckled and held tightly onto Cas’ waist.

 

“Yeah, baby, we’re best friends.” He kissed the boy’s cheek and rubbed a hand up his thigh. Castiel giggled again.

 

“Luke, what are you doing? That tickles.” They both smiled and Luke leaned forward to kiss under his ear.

 

“What about that? Does that tickle?” Cas pushed weakly at his chest, still smiling.

 

“You can’t kiss me, Luke.”

 

“And why is that, sweetheart?” Luke kissed him in the same place, nipping at his earlobe when Castiel turned his head.

 

“Dean… He’s my boyfriend.” Castiel laughed and hiccupped. Luke shook his head and grinned.

 

“What does he matter? You’re with me right now. Let’s just have fun.”

 

“Dean’s fun. I wanna go see Dean.” Castiel moved to hop off the counter but Luke stopped him with two firm hands on his hips.

 

“Cassie, come on. Let’s stay here. Let’s get you another drink.” Castiel tried harder to push him away.

 

“No… I want my Dean… I wanna find him.”

 

“Come on, we can find him after. Lemme get you another drink, okay?” It took a moment, but soon Castiel was complying and leaning into Luke’s open arms.  

 

When Luke pulled away, he went over to get Cas a drink. Luke glanced over both of his shoulders as he poured, making sure Castiel was still as clueless as ever, nodding his head to the music and paying Luke no attention whatsoever. Luke chuckled as he pulled the small bag out of his pocket that contained three little, white pills. He quickly dropped one of them in Cas’ cup and watched it dissolve. If Luke wanted him, He was going to get him.

 

“Here ya go, baby.” He handed Castiel the cup who drank it down, eagerly, spilling some on his shirt in the process as he burst out laughing. Castiel took Luke by his shirt and pulled him close. 

 

“Luke. This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” He laughed again and wrapped his arms around the boy before pushing the cup into Luke’s hands. “I need more.”

 

Luke smiled and gladly got him another, running his hand through Castiel’s hair as the boy drank what was in the cup. 

 

Castiel set the cup down gently, grabbing Luke’s shoulder again for balance. He laughed softly.

 

“I-I like hangin’ out with you, Luke. You… You’re a cool fella.” Luke smiled and kissed Cas’ temple, this time Castiel didn’t fight back.

 

***

 

It was about fifteen minutes later that Dean and Benny decided to go find Castiel again. Dean had calmed down and was feeling a bit more tired. He wanted to find his boyfriend and go home.

 

“Alright, so you’re just going to calmly walk in, and escort Castiel out of there.  _ Calmly.  _ Understand?” Benny smiled as Dean nodded.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I just want to see him before he gets into too much trouble.”

 

By the time that Benny and Dean rounded the corner into the kitchen, Castiel and Luke were nowhere to be seen. Dean scanned the room, nervously.

 

“Where the hell could they have gone?” Dean turned to his friend.

 

“I don’t know, he’s your boyfriend.”

 

“Benny, he doesn’t know what’s happening to him right now. He doesn’t know how to say no or fight back. Man, you saw the way Luke was looking at him.”

 

“Let’s go find him, then. Where do you suggest we check?”

Dean looked around the room again. Quickly, he grabbed the shoulder of a girl was was just leaving the kitchen.

 

“Hey, did you see a black haired guy leave here with a blond? He’s about six feet tall, pale skin, bright blue eyes. You seen him?”

 

The girls shrugged before her eyes widened slightly. 

 

“Oh, yeah, I saw them. They went upstairs about ten minutes ago.” Dean’s face went pale. The girl turned and left.

 

“Benny, he’s upstairs. With Luke. Benny, my boyfriend is in a bedroom, drunk with another guy!” Dean was close to shoving his fist through the nearest wall. Benny stopped him.

 

“Yeah, I get it, it’s bad. And you can count on the fact that I’m gonna kick Luke’s ass right there with ya, but you gotta calm down. At least a little. You’re gonna scare Cas.”

“I’m pissed! I’m pissed and I need to go get him!” Forgetting all of Benny’s warnings, Dean charged upstairs, his friend right on his heels. They pushed through every door upstairs.  _ Bathroom, bedroom, laundry room, another empty bedroom.  _ The thoughts raced through Dean’s mind. He didn’t even stop to apologize to another couple who were in a compromising position when he walked in. He knew it wasn’t Cas, so he left again.

 

Dean could not have prepared himself for what he saw as he pushed open the last door in the hallway. The room in which he knew Castiel was: Cas, slumped onto his back on the large queen bed, his jeans tossed on the floor, Luke Milton hovering over him, his eyes, half lidded, his jaw, slack and his arms around the other boy’s neck. Luke was grinning from ear to ear and pressing soft, slow kisses to Castiel’s neck and jaw and cheek. Castiel didn’t appear to be very conscious to Dean. In fact, he wasn’t even putting up a fight against Luke, who was in the process of lifting his torso up in order to pull off the boy’s shirt. 

 

“Come on, baby, let’s get these clothes off of you. You look too hot,” Dean heard him say with a smirk. Castiel nodded absently, but Dean could tell he wasn’t even aware of Luke’s presence.  _ What did he do to my Cas?  _ Dean thought.

 

“Get the  _ fuck _ off of him, asshole.” Dean lunged forward and tackled Luke to the floor, striking his jaw quickly. “What did you do to my baby?!”

 

Castiel lolled his head to the side, barely registering the fight scene going on before his eyes. 

 

“Dean?” Castiel slurred. Dean didn’t listen. Instead, he stumbled to his feet, grabbing Luke by his collar and forcing him against the wall. Luke was barely standing on his toes, Dean was holding him up so high.

 

“Dean,” Benny warned. “You can’t hurt him too much. Dean paid no attention to this, either.

 

“You think it’s funny, asshole?” Dean growled, Luke attempting to push him away so he could breathe properly. “You think it’s funny to get people drunk and then do whatever you want to them? What, you can’t get someone like Cas on your own so you, what, drugged him? What the hell is the matter with you?!” Castiel whimpered softly, looking at the two of them. He could see everything so clearly but was powerless to stop it. It was like he was in a glass box, screaming at the top of his lungs but no one paid any attention. It was frustrating as it was terrifying. All Castiel could do at this point as lift his right hand about an inch, so that’s what he did. Cas tried to call Dean’s name and it came out a whimper.

 

“Get him out of here!” Dean barked at Benny. “Get him in my car!” 

 

Benny sighed, but followed Dean’s orders, first getting Castiel’s pants back on and then picking him up in his arms and carrying him downstairs. Castiel whined softly but otherwise put up no fight as Benny took set him in the back of the Impala.

 

“Tell me what you did to him!” Dean yelled once Benny was out of the room. Dean threw the boy on the bed. Sure, Luke was strong, but Dean knew how to fight. He easily overpowered the blond boy when he tried to jab Dean in the throat. Dean laughed darkly. He hit Luke, and he kept hitting him until he was almost unconscious. “Tell me what you did to him.” Luke spit in his face and smirked. Dean backhanded him. “I’m not playing games anymore, Milton. What the fuck did you do to him?” He shook Luke, making him groan.

 

“I just…” He coughed and looked away, grimacing at the taste of blood in his mouth. “It’s a roofie. A mild one. It’ll wear off in a few hours. Long enough for me to fuck him if you hadn’t ruined everything, bitch.” Dean saw red. He picked Luke up like he was nothing and threw him against the wall. The boy went silent. 

 

Groaning in frustration, Dean went over to the boy to check his pulse. He was alive. Dean smirked. He kicked him once for good measure and then ran out the door, down to his car where Benny and Castiel were.

 

He quickly climbed into the back seat and pulled Castiel into his arms, rubbing his back. Benny was on the other side of Cas.

 

“Cassie, what were you thinking, baby?” He felt his voice break.

 

“Dean…” Benny started. “He’s pretty out of it. Won’t be talking for a while. We...We should get him home.”

 

“Not like this. I don’t know how is uncle will react.” Dean kept his eyes trained on his boyfriend’s face, which was pale and relaxed. He was asleep.  _ He looks so pretty when he sleeps, _ Dean thought, sadly.

 

“Where you gonna keep him, then?”

 

“I’ll take him home. He can stay with me?” Benny scoffed.

 

“What? You can’t bring him near your dad. You know how he gets -”

 

“I don’t exactly have a choice, Benny!” Dean snapped. He blinked away a few tears and pulled Cas tighter against his chest, going silent.

 

Benny saw the terrified expression in his friend’s eyes. A look he usually reserved or when he was worried about Sam. He suddenly felt bad.

 

“Alright, man. Why don’t you stay back here with him, I’ll drive.” Benny held out his hand hesitantly.

 

Dean glared at him before sighing and nodding, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his keys before handing them to Benny.

 

“Careful with her, Benny. Understand?” Benny chuckled and nodded, crawling into the front seat and starting the car. The rest of the drive was completely silent.

 

***

 

When Benny arrived at the house, Dean thanked him quietly and took the keys. Benny and Dean had driven to the party from Dean’s house, so Benny’s car was already there. They said goodbye and Benny drove home.

 

Dean picked Castiel up, cradling his head on his arm. He looked down at his boyfriend. Dean didn’t want to think about what Luke had done to him before he’d showed up. Right now, he wanted to pretend that Cas had gotten a little tipsy at the party and had fallen asleep in his lap on the way home. That’s the only way he could look at his boy without breaking down in tears. He shook his head.

 

Dean carried Castiel inside, rolling his eyes at the familiar picture of his dad, drunk and passed out on the couch. Dean walked past the living room into the hallway. He was about to open the door to his room when Sam came out in his pajamas.

 

“Dean?” Sam said tiredly as he rubbed his eyes. “Who’s that?” Dean smiled softly at his brother, dressed in an oversized tee shirt, (Dean’s hand-me-down) and flannel pajama bottoms that had a hole on one side.

 

“He’s a friend, Sammy. A good friend. Dad give you any trouble while I was gone? You kept your door locked?” Sam nodded.

 

“I’m okay, Dean.”

 

“Okay, Sammy.” They smiled softly at each other before Sam turned back into his room, and Dean walked into his.

 

Dean laid Castiel gently out on his bed and stripped off his jeans. He’d leave him in his shirt, it might make it a bit more comfortable when he woke up in someone else’s bed. Dean then undressed himself and curled around his boyfriend. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of his neck. Dean would sort out everything with Castiel in the morning. Right now, it was time to sleep.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Cas will be fine. He has Dean with him. Again, I love comments and kudos, please! Thanks for reading!


	12. Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. That's all I can say.

The sun was gleaming, shining through the blinds of the window and into Dean’s small room. Hummingbirds hummed outside nearby, darting here and there with an undeserved sense of urgency. From inside, one could hear the distant laughter of children from the adjacent park. The sky was blue, the grass was green and Dean sat perched against his bed, staring down at the unconscious boy beside him.

 

Castiel hadn’t woken, hadn’t stirred, hadn’t let a sound slip past his lips that would indicate his well being. If not for the hourly ritual of checking his boyfriend’s pulse, Dean would probably have said Cas was done for. It was agony. Benny had texted him once or twice since the sun had come up to see how he was feeling, only to receive a simple “Fine,” in return. At eleven o’clock last night, there had been no movement. At one o’clock A.M., Castiel hadn’t stirred. Four o’clock in the morning, no change. By the time the sun had come up and it was nine o’clock, Dean was going insane.

 

Then, as the next hour passed, Castiel had begun to show the first signs of life: his eyelids started to flutter. Dean had no other reassurance than the blue orbs flashing every few seconds and the occasional soft groan. At least he had something.

 

A few hours later, Castiel was talking.

 

“Stop,” was the first word uttered by the raven haired boy. The rest of the sentence was mostly garbled syllables that broke Dean’s heart.

 

“Shh,” Dean soothed. It’s alright, Cassie, I’m not going to hurt you.” He instinctively pulled the boy closer.

 

“No, no, you can’t. You can’t.” Castiel was delirious, still not processing where he was or with whom he was. “Please… Dean’s gonna come back. He’s gonna see.”

 

“Baby, no. Cas, I’m right here. You’re with me, I’ve got you.” The smaller boy stopped squirming and went quiet. It was a few more minutes before he went back to sleep. Dean sighed. It would be a long day for him.

 

As long as Dean knew Castiel was waking up, he felt it was safe to go to sleep. He lowered himself carefully onto his back, and laid Cas’ head on his chest. A few minutes later, he drifted into a restless sleep.

 

Castiel woke up to a searing pain in his head. The throbbing was unbearable and he couldn’t see or remember where he was. The only thing he knew for sure was that he needed to get home. Standing up on wobbly legs and promptly falling back onto Dean’s bed, he began to understand that he wasn’t at Gordon’s party anymore. The last scene he was sure he remembered was being laid down onto a bed, and Luke Milton crawling over him. Luke Milton. At the very thought, he felt tears drag down his cheeks. A violent sob shook his body and he collapsed onto the bed. 

 

“No! No,” he screamed and thrashed his head about, fighting against the memory in his mind. Castiel flinched at the arms that encircled his body as Dean’s voice soothed the air around him.

 

“Cas, it’s me. Baby, come on, calm down. Let’s just take a breath.” Despite himself, Castiel clinged to Dean’s body. 

 

“You can’t! I need Dean! You have to stop… “ Cas wanted to calm down so badly. Everything hurt and he was scared and confused. He didn’t know where Dean was. He didn’t have the consciousness of mind to tell that the the boy holding him was his boyfriend. His mind told him to get up and run, yet his body was too exhausted to do anything but sink into Dean’s arms. So, he did it.

 

“There you go. It’s alright, Cas. I’m right here. It’s Dean.” The words seemed to calm Castiel, if only slightly.

 

“Need Dean. Want him.”

 

“I know, baby. You’re alright, now. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

 

They stayed like that for hours. Dean, slowly rubbing the boy’s back, and Castiel, alternating between crying and trying to stand. Dean had let him try the first few times, but after a series of attempts that had Cas stumbling onto the floor, he stopped letting him up. Dean instead pulled him into his lap and held him close as he squirmed and whined every now and then.

 

It was now three o'clock in the afternoon. Castiel was sat up against the headboard, only sniffling every now and then. Dean didn't push him to say anything. He knew that Cas needed to work through everything that was happening around him. He seemed to now understand that he was with Dean, far away from the predator at the party. He could grasp that he was in no danger at present, and that he would need to get up in a little while. This was made evident to Dean by the fact that every few minutes, Castiel would open his mouth by the slightest width and take in a small breath as if to prepare himself for his own words. He hadn't spoken, though. He would always relax into the bed again before he could bring himself to speak. Yet Dean was patient. 

 

Not twenty-five minutes later, Castiel stood and made his way to the bathroom, gripping every piece of furniture that he was able to keep himself steady. How he found his way around the house and into the bathroom, Dean will never know. As the freckled boy rounded the corner into the room, he opened his mouth to ask this very question, when Castiel promptly threw up, dragging his attention away from the oddity. Fortunately, Castiel had managed to deposit his bile entirely into the toilet, much to his boyfriend's relief.

 

“Cas, baby, are you alright?” Dean quickly regretted his question. The boy had no way to answer as another wretch overtook his body. “I know, sweetheart,” Dean continued as he rubbed Cas' back. “Don't worry, you'll throw up a lot now, but you'll feel better afterwards. I've had more than my share of hangovers.” Castiel groaned and lifted his head.

 

“You ever been roofied before, hotshot?” He spat into the toilet as though he were trying to get the last bit of mouthwash off of his tongue after a good teeth brushing.

 

Dean barked out a laugh, most of it surprise, at the first words his boy had said that was not a cry for help or an incoherent babble. Pride lifted his features and he breathed a short, happy sigh.

 

“Cas, buddy. You're back. Jesus Christ, you scared the shit outta me, asshole.” Beaming, Dean pulled Cas into his arms and held him. Such a simple thing it was, hugging one’s lover. Yet the motion was made complicated by the fact that they had both been kneeling on the bathroom floor, Castiel facing away from him, and the two had to assume uncomfortable positions to reach each other. Still, Dean held and cradled the boy as if he would never get to again. After hours in Heaven's waiting room, an angel had returned and handed Castiel back to him. Dean was going to appreciate and love him like the rare gift he was.

 

“Whoa, whoa.” Castiel winced. “Shh… So loud. You're like, screaming.” Dean just laughed again, shifting his voice to a whisper.

 

“I'm sorry, Cas. You have no idea how bad you looked for a second, there. I was so, so worried. And now…” Dean pulled back just to grin at his boy. “Here you are.”

 

Castiel's smile was a bit more subdued, but held all the same meaning.

 

“Here I am.”

 

Dean pressed a chaste kiss to Cas' forehead. He then looked at him and shook his head.

 

“Look at you,” Dean started. “so beautiful even after drinking all night.” He smiled. “So, I take it you know what… uh… happened.”

 

“Yeah.” Castiel looked down. “I know what happened. Are we… at your house?” Castiel looked around the small bathroom, mainly trying to divert from the topic they were soon going to stumble upon.

 

“Yep.” Dean smiled softly. “This is the highly esteemed, Winchester estate. No pictures, please.” 

 

Castiel grinned, instantly relaxing now that he knew exactly where he was. 

 

“I don't need pictures,” Cas replied with a smile. “This is exactly how I remember it.” Castiel hadn't visited Dean at his home since they were young boys, he'd almost forgotten that he had ever come.

 

“Yeah, my dad doesn't like to change stuff around much. Doesn't surprise me that you wouldn’t need any reintroducing. Hey, you want some medicine? You look like you're in agony.” 

 

Castiel took a moment to look at himself and was slightly surprised. He hadn't noticed how tense he was. His brow was furrowed and between sentences he would chew and gnaw on his lower lip. One of his hands was gripping the toilet seat while the other was bunched up in his shirt, pulling and stretching the collar down beneath his clavicle. The boy looked as though he were just hit in the testicles with a large, metal bat. Dean, of course, was quite concerned.

 

“Uh… yes, please. Thank you, Dean.” Dean nodded and stood up, leaning over a bit to rifle through the cabinet near the mirror, soon returning with a bottle of painkillers. He filled a cup with water from the sink and handed it and the pills to Cas, who took them graciously. The two were quiet for a while after Cas had taken the medicine. A tense silence filled the room, Dean keeping his eyes trained on the kneeling boy, and Cas, looking anywhere but Dean.

 

“Talk to me,” Dean urged. They needed to have this conversation and he did not want to put it off any longer. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

 

Castiel scoffed as tears filled his eyes. He found himself disappointed at how easily he was breaking down. He thought he could handle speaking about it at least. Cas wiped his eyes and looked down shaking his head as he began to cry. Instantly, Dean was there.

 

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. You don’t have to talk. We can do this slowly.” Dean picked up Castiel and set him on the bathroom counter. Cas shook his head more violently.

 

“No! I-I told him no! I specifically said I didn’t wanna drink. I wanted you!” Castiel struggled to speak through his tears, trembling in Dean’s arms. “I wanted to find you so bad, Dean. I was so scared…” Cas slumped against Dean’s chest.

 

“I know, baby. I wanted to find you too.” Dean pulled Cas closer and kissed his head. “I know you didn’t want to go with him.”

 

Castiel did not say anything more on the subject, opting instead to sniffle quietly and tremble in his lover’s arms. He felt cheated. He felt lied to. As if Dean was only trying to console him and really did believe that getting drunk with Luke was Castiel’s choice. Dean, however, could not have been more sympathetic as he held the weeping boy. He knew full well that talking about a problem did not magically solve it, yet he needed Cas to speak to him, hear his voice. Dean was quite shaken up as well, and hearing Cas’ voice was a huge comfort for him.

 

“I saw a hummingbird today,” Dean whispered into the boy’s ear. “Flew right up to the window just to peak in.” Unsurprisingly, Castiel did not stop crying, but the green eyed boy did notice that he had perked his head up a bit, as if trying to hear him better. Dean continued. “And y’know, for a second, I actually thought it looked at me, ‘cuz it pecked its little beak on the window.”

 

Castiel was silent for long time. Dean did not want to say anything more, though, did not want to push him. After a few seconds, a few minutes, half an hour, Cas broke the silence with a soft murmur.

 

“Wh-What color was it?” 

 

Dean simply looked at him. After so long, he was surprised to hear Castiel speak at all and needed a few seconds to remember to what he was referring. 

 

“Uhm, oh, it was, uh, mostly green. But with a white belly and a red neck.” He felt Cas nod.

 

“Did you name him?”

 

“Huh?” 

 

“You have to name him. He needs a name.”

 

“Oh.” Dean thought for a second, not wanting to disappoint his boyfriend. “Harry. Harry Hummingbird.”

 

Castiel shook his head.

 

“What is it?” Dean looked down at him.

 

Castiel smiled, ever so slightly before his lips flattened once more.

 

“Harry is a terrible name for a bird.” Dean raised an eyebrow and pulled him closer.

 

“Well, I think it’s a great name.”

 

“That’s because you’re not good at stuff like that.”

 

Dean allowed himself to smile for just a moment.

 

“You’re right, baby. I’m not.” He chuckled. “Why don’t you name him?”

 

“Serendipity.” Castiel’s answer was immediate and certain. Dean could only nod and smile fondly.

 

“Alright, Serendipity it is.”

 

“Serendipity,” Castiel repeated. “Serendipity. I’m so tired, Dean.” Castiel whined and buried his face in Dean’s neck. Dean, caught a bit off guard by the sudden change in topic, was quick to understand.

 

“It’s because you spent all morning puking your guts out. Come on, let’s get you some food.” Castiel let Dean pick him up and carry him out to the kitchen. He set the boy on the countertop and began looking through the kitchen cabinets for food. He eventually came back to Cas’ side with two tangerines and a bag of chips.

 

“It’s not exactly a gourmet meal but the only other thing I have is canned chili and I figured you’d want something light. Since, y’know, you might vomit it up anyway.” The both chuckled a bit. CAs smiled, taking the food.

 

“Thank you, Dean. This is perfect.” 

 

The two ate in silence for a while. Castiel’s legs were spread so that Dean could stand between them, foreheads pressed together as they took in one another’s presence. It was then that Sam walked through the front door. Castiel winced as it shut behind the boy and Dean pulled him closer.

 

“Dean,” Sam questioned. “Is this your friend?” Dean turned to face him and nodded, slowly untangling himself from Castiel.

 

“Yeah, Sammy. This is Cas. You remember him, don’t you?” Cas gave a little half-wave and smiled as sincerely as he could.

 

Sam nodded. He could tell something was wrong, but he was not about to ask.

 

“Where have you been?” Dean asked.

 

Sam smirked and blushed, looking at his feet.

 

“I’ll tell you later. See you, Dean, Cas.” And with that, Sam hurried into his room.

 

Castiel smiled softly and shook his head. He looked at Dean. Dean looked back.

 

“He’s just like I remember,” Cas said. “Just as sweet. And a little awkward.” They both laughed quietly. “Thank you, Dean. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

 

Dean smiled and waved him off. “You’re mine. I take care of what’s mine. Come on. We’ll get you cleaned up and I’ll take you home.” Castiel nodded and started to get off the counter but stopped himself. “What’s wrong, baby?” Without another word, Cas cupped Dean’s jaw and pulled him into a tender kiss. They stayed like that for a long time, content to hold each other until time stopped. A knock on the door pulled them apart. Castiel groaned at the noise and buried his face in Dean’s neck. 

 

“Baby…” Castiel groaned. “Make it stop.”

 

Dean chuckled sadly and pulled away, walking to the door. As he opened it, he was met with a whirlwind of red as Charlie rushed past him.

 

“Cas!” Charlie exclaimed. “Where the hell did you go?” Cas whimpered but tried to smile, tried to welcome his friend.

 

“D-Dean took me home. I wasn’t feeling too--” He was cut off as Charlie ran up and wrapped her arms around him.

 

“I thought you were dead, boy!”

 

“Charlie, please,” Castiel whimpered. His head was pounding and he was close to tears. Not only was he being affected by the pounding in his head, but he did not want to remember anything about the previous night. He wanted to forget. Charlie was making this difficult. “Hurts…” 

 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Dean interjected as he pulled Charlie away. “Let’s let him be.”

 

Charlie glanced at Dean and then back to Cas, lowering her voice. “Right, sorry, Cassie. But what happened to you? I just saw Dean’s car driving away and I thought he had dumped you or something. Are you alright?”

 

Cas smiled at her excitable nature.

 

“I’m okay, I’m alright. Just a little hungover.” He chuckled softly. Dean merely looked him over, his eyes hard and worried. 

 

“I would expect so. You were drinking like a monster.” She chuckled and shook her head. “And who was that guy you were with? I think I remember him from my science class. Or was it my spanish class?”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean interjected. “It’s over now.”

 

Castiel looked at Dean. He noticed his clenched jaw and furrowed brow, practically humming with contempt and anger. Cas had never seen this side of the boy before. He did not not like it. He was not comfortable with it.

 

“Yeah, I’m just going to relax today. I want to go to school on Monday.” Castiel smiled a little, trying to move on from the topic.

 

“Well, why don’t I take you home? Bobby’s worried sick. He called me twice but I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to tell him.” 

 

“It’s alright. Yeah, that would be great if you could take me home.” Castiel felt Dean slowly slide an arm around his waist, pulling him just an inch closer.

 

“Okay, cool. We can maybe stop and get you a coffee or something.” Charlie smiled widely, pulling away to walk towards the door.

 

“Can you wait for me in the car? I’ll be out in a minute.”

 

“Sure thing.” As Charlie walked out the door, leaving the two boys alone, Dean turned to Castiel.

 

“Are you going to be okay?” Dean asked. “At home. Alone.”

 

Castiel smiled and pecked his cheek.

 

“I’ll be okay. I’m just going to sleep for the rest of the day anyway. How about I call you tomorrow?”

 

Dean groaned and pulled Castiel closer. He did not want to let his boy go. Cas was fragile, and sweet. Leaving him alone, even in the safety of his house still gave Dean a rather unsettling feeling. Yet he conceded.

 

“Alright, alright. You call me if you need anything though, right? I’m just a fifteen minute drive away.”

 

Castiel blushed, unable to hide his grin as he moved off of the counter. Dean was reluctant to let him go but did so anyway.

 

“Right. I will. I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?” Cas kissed his boyfriend softly and smiled when Dean nodded. A few minutes later, he was gone and Dean was alone.

 

“Dean?” A soft voice came from the hallway of the house. Sam’s voice, Dean noticed. “Can I come out now. Dean rubbed his eyes as he laughed. Poor kid, he thought.

 

“Yeah, come on out.” Dean heard a relieved sigh and a few seconds later, he was greeted with Sam’s bright face and shaggy hair

 

“God, I thought they would never leave,” he said as he started preparing himself a snack.

 

“Excuse you,” Dean teased as he ruffled the boy’s hair on the way to the sink. “That’s Cas you’re talking about. Show some respect.”

 

“Why?” Sam asked absently. “What’s so special about him?”

 

Dean experienced a moment of confusion before nodding. He had forgotten to tell his brother about the recent development.

 

“He’s, uh, Cas is… my boyfriend.” Dean was not ashamed of Castiel, no, sir. Yet, revealing to anyone, even his brother, something as personal as the boy with whom he was quickly falling in love proved to be a daunting task. “We’re dating.”

 

A few seconds passed. Sam said nothing. Dean looked over to see the boy silently making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

 

“Any thoughts on that, Sam?”

 

“It’s about time.” Sam left the room, taking a bite of his food, leaving Dean by himself again. Alone to chuckle at his little brother’s nonchalance.

 

“Yeah,” Dean spoke softly to himself. “It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments. Any at all. Kudos help too, but I'm really lacking motivation these days. It seems like I'm writing this for no one.


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